Alcoholics and a wedding

Have alcohol but don't let it be open bar make people pay that will slow the drinking down a wedding is not all about drinking

No Soontobethemrs. Guests should not have to pay at a wedding. Cash bars do not "slow the drinking down". How do you think bars make money?

"Make people pay"

That's gonna go over reeeeeal well.

Anyways, OP, take it from someone whose own MOTHER is an alcoholic - I'm still serving alcohol. Why? Because I know she'll just sneak it in. Besides, I can trust the bartender to cut her off as opposed to trying to "stop her" from drinking out of a flask from her purse.

@Beatrice this is me

I would never hold alcohol out of the reception because some are alcoholics.

I've shared this before but FH has 5 years sober and all of his friends have a long stint of sobriety. FH did not invite anyone who was early in their sobriety because they couldn't handle being around alcohol. I sat drinkers with non drinkers and FH told me it's their (people in recovery) problem if they can't be around it. All of his friends have over 5 years sober.

If the alcoholics are actively drinking, do not invite them no matter what. That's a bad situation waiting to happen!

Wait, do you identify them as alcoholics or do they admit being alcoholics? If you are putting the marker on them, that may not be a true for them. It becomes your opinion . Just a thought...

I'll say it again...

I'll say it again...

@EC17 not everyone with one star is a troll. We all have to start somewhere. sheesh

I don't have much to add other than both of my parents are alcoholics (1 sober for 30 years and the other actively still drinks) and we are having an open bar with beer and wine. That wasn't negotiable. We never considered NOT having alcohol but even my alcoholic parents would've insisted on having beer and wine at the minimum because they know it's important to properly host your guests.

OP, in addition to the excellent advice already here, I'll add this: Some brides with true alcoholics on their guest lists will also extend invitations to those guests' AA sponsors (or the equivalent if the person is in an alternative program). That way, you are still properly hosting your guests, with licensed bartenders to keep everyone safe, but your guests with alcoholism have the support they need to enjoy your wedding. In my opinion, this is a much more compassionate and inclusive solution than simply banning all alcohol from your wedding.

Alcoholics don't care if your wedding is dry because if they want to drink, they'll find a way. My MoH frequently tells stories of her alcoholic grandfather who stashed flasks behind and in toilet tanks (how? idk) and a variety of places when her grandmother had it and threw out all the booze in the house.

Having a dry wedding because a handful of people can't behave responsibly is like not having a wedding cake because there are diabetics on the guest list. It is irrational, and trying to control something that is ultimately beyond your control at the expense of others' comfort. Not to mention, taking away that social lubricator from everyone is probably going to cause even the non-alcoholics to take desperate measures to have an adult beverage.

Oh well, you're done listening because no one validated your opinion....you must be taking cues from your 5 year old in how to properly throw a tantrum. Good luck!

Yeah, 'cause people don't get drunk at cash bars. Again, people who are alcoholics will find a way to drink whether there is alcohol available or not. It is not up to you to police their actions. It is up to you to provide some responsible practices.

Have a certified bartender who will cut off patrons and not overserve. Have security on site. Have you never been to parties before? What is it about planning a wedding that makes people lose their minds? It's the same as having a party only bigger, you serve your guests, you don't make them pay for things, and you make sure that they get home safely.

Of course someone mentioned cash bar. Let's go from poor hosting to actually being rude! What a great idea!!! Oh, wait. That idea sucks too.

Why not just kick them out?

They're your nearest and dearest but fuck them if they want an adult drink at a celebration.

Is that what you wanted to hear princess?

In all honesty, it is safer for you to just have the bar because if anything happens from drinking too much the venue and their liquor license is liable, which is why they will cut people off. Lawsuits are expensive and you are basically effed if you lose your liquor license so they do what it takes to avoid those circumstances. This would be safer than your relatives sneaking in booze then driving themselves home and putting themselves and others in danger.

Solutions to dealing with people you know will show up drunk/sneak alcohol in:

1. Don't invite them

2. Have a midday cake/punch reception

3. Beer/wine only bar with licensed bartender

4. Hire security to remove unruly guests

You cannot diagnose someone else as an alcoholic. People who have problems with alcohol will get it, whether you provide it or not. You cannot stop someone who is not willing to help themselves. I suggest you research alcoholism and seek help yourself if you really want to help them.

I suggest a giant scarlet letter, "S" for Scotch (or Sauvignon Blanc) that you can pin on your alcoholics so everyone knows not to serve them.

Fine, don't have alcohol or cocktails at your wedding. For that decision, do your best to blame the alcoholics. When the majority of your guests leave after two hours, blame yourselves. This excuse to go the cheap route will insult the so called "alcoholics" and the social drinkers.

This is about budget. It always is, and it's despicable to blame the so-called alcoholics for a hosting fail -- which is what you're doing. There's nothing new under the sun -- including this.