Alcoholics and a wedding

I don't understand why you would post asking for advice and then say you aren't listening to anyone. Plain and simple dry weddings are a bad idea, and frankly suck. I am so sorry that you have people in your family who are dealing with this disease, its hard. But as basically everyone has stated before, they WILL find a way to drink so you not serving alcohol won't change much. I know these aren't the answers you were looking for but you should listen to everyone. It'll make your day better, plus people usually leave VERY early if no alcohol is served, unfortunately,

Just putting it out there- I suffered from an eating disorder for 10+ years (mostly bulimia). My family was all quietly aware of this, but they didn't restrict my food at big events or ask the server not to serve me, or forgo food all together because they didn't want me to binge. If they had, I would have felt horrible. I had a mental addiction and I'm just being honest and open.

You know, it's one thing to look for opinions on something and then not take the advice offered, but it's another thing to seek advice and then say you don't care what anyone thinks and you'll do what you want to do when you don't like what you're hearing.

Serve alcohol. Put the bartender/hire a bartender to handle what is consumed by your guests; their job isn't to get guests smashed, it's to ensure that if they drink, they do so responsibly.

@Haley: People weren't rude, they were blunt. Just because it wasn't what you wanted to hear, you came back and had a little hissy fit, told us all how much you don't care, and stomped your foot. Like a 5-year-old.

Blunt = Telling you having a dry wedding is poor hosting and your logic makes no sense/sucks, and why.

Rude = telling a bride she looks like a busted can of biscuit dough in her wedding dress.

There's a big difference.

It might do you some good to grow up and then decide to ask questions. For the record, neither DF nor I drink, but you better damn well believe we are hosting alcohol, because unlike you, we give a shit about your guests and their enjoyment of our wedding.

ETA: Better hope nobody drives drunk. It would really suck for you guys to have to go to court after your wedding because they got pulled over after drinking at your wedding from flasks or bottles they brought in, all because you wanted to be cheap. Somehow, I don't think the lawyer for that will be cheap at all, especially if your "alcoholic" guests cause an accident and you end up with a multimillion dollar settlement to pay on for the rest of your lives.

Also, none of us here are immature. And guess what? You ARE asking women who have experience with this, and they are giving you their experienced answer. My FSIL and FBIL had their wedding a year ago, and there are alcoholics in the family who attended, one of them being the father. Did this stop them from serving alcohol? No. Did serving this alcohol turn their wedding into an uncontrollable disaster because of said alcoholics? Nope. If there is an issue with them, it will be handled by security (if you have any) or by any other guest who can handle it.

Do not assume these women are "not experienced".

Also, you should probably not post on here if you plan to have a reaction like that .

They aren't answering my question. They are telling me to change the way I want to do my wedding. I'm NOT having alcohol served at my wedding. I asked how to handle the alcoholics who come already drunk or who hide their drinking at the wedding.

THERE WILL NOT BE ALCOHOL SERVED AT MY WEDDING. If you don't have advice on handling drunks then please go find something else to complain about.

You are going to have people drinking at your wedding either way. So good luck without an experienced bar tender.

I agree that this wedding shouldn't be dry because if they are alcoholics they will most likely sneak alcohol in anyway and the guests without the addiction will be the only ones not drinking, which just ruins the point all around.

But the "oh we have diabetics so we can't serve cake" stuff is bs. Alcoholism is an addiction. Not all diabetics are addicted to sugary things. They are two completely separate diseases. A diabetic person is way more likely to control themselves and refuse cake than an alcoholic person around alcohol.

If you want to control them and the situation, then I would look into hiring security. Or call them a cab and ask them to leave.

Don't know any other solutions to that.

ETA: Either way, this will not stop them from coming drunk.

Not having a dry wedding may though..

How to handle people drinking at your wedding?

Hire a lawyer for the lawsuits that you're potentially going to be liable for when they get into an accident/pulled over because you didn't have a bartender.

Also, you should read the ToS. It's a vio for you to tell people not to post.

Grow up princess. Your plans are rude, shitty, and poor hosting. Just because you want to cheap out on your guests and use them as a excuse to do so, doesn't mean you can tell other people not to tell you that what you're planning sucks big, floppy donkey dick.

Long story short, you cannot control people; no matter how hard you try. You say go left, they go right. That being said, given you are choosing a dry wedding, it might be best to restructure to a "cake and punch" reception (as the name suggests but occuring outside of major meal times ). Dry weddings tend to oft be very very short without some liquid encouragement. But you're gonna do you, so ignore my two cents as you have done with previous posters.

Better yet, I know how to prevent the problem altogether, AND truly make it YOUR day, princess!

Elope. That way you don't inflict your poor hosting and rudeness on anyone else.

But OP. There are immature and mature men on here too. If you're going to throw insulting names around make sure you cover all the users.

I am an alcoholic (now in recovery for many years). I never took a flask or a cooler anywhere. My solution was to not go. Or to go and not drink and leave early.

My mother was a drinking alcoholic (it's often hereditary). We had alcohol at our wedding. She came, she drank moderately, she behaved like an adult--I guess the occasion was important to her.

I only add this to point out that some of the generalizations being made here about alcoholics are not universally accurate. And are, to tell the truth, a little painful to read.

@MrsMHugs: It's not BS though, not when the position taken is to "save the alcoholics from drinking" like OP's original stance was. Ditto for the other examples I have. People can be addicted to food. Should she only serve salad then? Caffeine addicts, so only water to drink? It's all just as ridiculous. Alcoholics will drink if they're going to drink. Not supplying just means they will get much, MUCH more drunk, much faster, and be at a higher risk for causing an accident or developing alcohol poisoning that op will be liable for.

You will need security if you anticipate folks getting belligerent or trying to drive while impaired. So, dry wedding with a bunch of cops hanging around. Can't imagine anything more festive. Also, think very carefully about the liability issue. If you guys get sued, even unsuccessfully, that's a huge cost. A bartender who is properly licensed and bonded assumes that liability at a fraction of the cost of a lawsuit judgement. It sounds like you may need security in either case if you anticipate belligerence. I'm sorry you are feeling frustrated with the responses, but take a day or two and think about what everyone has had to say. Run it by your FH, especially the liability issue. I think you will have substantially more problems by going dry then by using a bartender, but that is your risk to run. I think you will have unhappy guests who leave early by going dry, but that is also your risk to run. It's your party to plan, so you can do what you want. Everyone here is trying to make you see it from your guests perspective, that's all.

Oh I have a great time with and without alcohol, but the alcohol just makes it that much more fun.

Lololololol she thinks she can tell us how to post on a public forum. So cute.

We will comment on what we want to comment on, just as you will continue to be rude towards your guests. Neener neener neener you can't stop us!

You not having alcohol at your wedding will not prevent them from drinking. My parents are both alcoholics and I have tried everything to prevent them from drinking, but they always sneak it. In my case this was one reason for me to have a day time wedding. My parents are closet drinkers and generally don't drink during the day so I am pretty confident they wont get trashed at my wedding. They will wait until they get home.

Don't have a dry wedding because of the alcoholics you invited because they will be drinking anyway. Your other guests shouldn't be punished because of some bad apples.

It is easy to have a good time without alcohol, but weddings are awkward without it. You are being forced to watch random events and forced to be around strangers, booze makes it less weird.