Alcoholics and a wedding

I agree with Mrs. Sasswood and others, have the wedding you want, let the professional bartenders cut them off as needed. I had an alcoholic buddy (not close friend because he was hard to be around) who died a few years back, he was drinking and was on sleep ap meds, and had a heart attack in his sleep...He told me once that first drink that he thought he could stop at, after a period of sobriety, was more dangerous than all the alcohol in the pub. But I don't think he'd have wanted his own kids making provisions for him if it ruins it for everyone else.

Adults will expect alcohol, unless it is an entire family/culture that doesn't drink. Since there are "alcoholics" invited to your wedding, clearly yours is not a family that falls into this category.

We will be entertaining at least one alcoholic at our wedding. FH and I are *ourselves* both recovering alcoholics and do not drink, but we are paying for an open bar because we want to host our guests properly.

Your only punishing your other guest. I know actually alcoholics in recovery and part of recovery is Learning to be around alcohol.

I have a question. You say "DH" (dear husband) and not FH (future husband). Is this a vow renewal, instead of a wedding?

@haley your wedding will suck if there is no alcohol available. Those who didn't know ahead of time to pregame or sneak some in will leave immediately after dinner. It's a fact.

They will bring alcohol anyways. They will pregame your wedding. My family is filled with alcoholics and I'd been worried about this question for years before I even met FH. I would like to have responsible access to alcohol on my wedding day as would all the other responsible people who are coming. Their fun should not be ruined by those who cannot control themselves. I'd rather have a drunk fool looking like an idiot than that same drunk fool yelling about how we hate him/her and are cheap because we don't have alcohol at our wedding. It would upset and exclude people we love. Alcoholism is a beast and trust me when I say I understand deeply the desire to have no booze. You are NOT responsible for the amount a person drinks or their actions because of their poor choices. If you really don't want alcohol, then don't have it, but don't do it because you think it will somehow stop people from embarrassing themselves. It won't.

You sure you're not just trying to get out of paying for alcohol and alcoholics are a convenient excuse?

Oh, LeeLee, you of little faith......

We've been living as husband and wife for 6 years, so I always call him my husband.

It's mainly family coming. Very few friends. And if people want to leave because we're not giving them booze then I'm ok with not having them there.

I don't care how you feel about a dry wedding. And I'm not changing my mind because you are complaining.

I don't understand why so many of you are so worked up about someone else's decisions for their wedding. And being rude just makes you look bad.

Thank you to the few ladies who were nice with their opinions.

Well, is someone else wanting to throw his bachelor's party? He could just say no to the cousin, but it might be easier to say no if someone else plans it quickly. If no one else is planning it, then your FH can either accept it and deal with whatever might happen or turn it down and not get one.

As for the handling of people, some of the other posters are right - if they truly are alcoholics, they'll find a way to get drunk. They may bring their own (coolers in the parking lot or flasks) or leave and come back with alcohol. There's really nothing you can do to prevent them from drinking, but if they cause a scene, you can have security throw them out.

"We've been living as husband and wife for 6 years, so I always call him my husband."

-- Are you legally married or not?

"I don't care how you feel about a dry wedding. And I'm not changing my mind because you are complaining."

-- Why the hell are you posting here then? You asked for an opinion, we told you the answer and you don't like it. Have a great, boring, dry wedding.

So basically, you asked for advice but actually didn't want any.

Shocking.

Well if you are married it's not a wedding. That would be considered a vow renewal. You also might as well not have one if you are going to treat your guests horribly. Give them free booze and don't be cheap.

I'm not usually a white knight, but she asked for advice on how to handle the drunk people, not whether or not she should have alcohol. True, this is an open forum and people can post what they want (i.e. the opinions on a dry wedding), but she's not getting the advice to the question posed, hence her irritation.

So what was the point of this thread?

Guess what? I will have at least four alcoholics at my wedding. Two have been sober for years, two are constantly falling off the wagon. You know what I'm doing? Hiring a bartender and providing alcohol.

My best advice? Talk to your bartender and day-of coordinator. Tell them about the family members you are concerned about and let them handle it. Bartenders are trained to know when to cut people off. A day-of coordinator knows how to handle people who may not be on their best behavior. You might also look into hiring security if you are concerned someone will get belligerent. Many police officers provide this service on the side, and can escort your guest out if they get out of hand.

Most people told her how to handle them; serve alcohol, have a bartender take care of it, and stop acting judgmental and unrealistic.

Or have a dry wedding and watch the exodus after the first dance while the really accomplished 'alcoholics' smuggle in alcohol.

I'm sorry you can't have a good time without alcohol.

I wanted advice on handling things. I had already decided there will be no alcohol. I did not, however, ask for rude people to comment their opinions on the fact that I'm not serving alcohol. It's a wedding because we're only married by common law.

I posted this to get advice from women who had dealt with this situation. Not immature women who can only be rude when they disagree with something. Some of you have acted worse than my 5 year old.

Goodbye.

Alcoholics hide their behavior anyway. They'll drink no matter what. The ones who will suffer will be the rest of your guests.

If you have TRUE alcoholics, they will drink regardless of whether or not you offer alcohol. In my opinion, having a dry party is more dangerous because there is no way to control consumption, people are sneaking their booze. At least with a bar you have a bartender who can cut anyone off if they're out of control. Alcoholism is a disease, not something they can turn off for the night.

We had 6 recovering alcoholics at my wedding, and we had an open bar. Learning to function around alcohol is an important part of recovery, and there are ways to take away the pressure to drink (ie, drink in hand toast, etc).