Skip to main content

4 Things You Should Never Ask of Your Spouse

Whether you've been with your spouse for decades or are newly married, these are things you should never ask of your partner.

couple talking

couple talking

If you’ve been with your partner for a while now, you probably feel very comfortable and close with him or her. And that’s a great thing! However, there are certain things you should never ask of your significant other. Experts warn that this can perpetuate scenarios where we might take our partner for granted, and start to give more focus to other things in life, especially if your routine never seems to change. “Without giving focus to keeping your relationship strong, it can start to wither over time,” says Lori Bizzoco, relationship expert and founder of “It may seem less and less important to make an effort for your partner when they are there every day and your once new and exciting relationship becomes your normal and mundane.”

Taking your spouse for granted is usually shown in little ways, according to Michele Moore, licensed professional counselor, certified coach, and relationship expert at Marriage Mojo. “Becoming irritable about things that never bothered you before, neglecting to use basic manners like ‘please’ and ‘thank you,’ and generally not being grateful for the things they do for you, big or small, are some ways couples show that they’re taking each other for granted.

No matter the years or decades you’ve clocked off in your relationship or marriage, you can avoid falling into this pit of presumption that your relationship is no longer exciting. To maintain some of the mystery that once existed in the initial stages of your partnership, experts recommend avoiding asking certain things of a significant other—requests that may threaten the vitality of the relationship.

Here are some of the things you should never ask of your spouse, according to relationship experts.

You should never ask your spouse to change.

If you married your partner on the grounds that he or she had to change in a certain way, you went into the sanctity of marriage all wrong, according to experts. “If you really care about your spouse, the small things shouldn’t matter so much,” says Bizzoco. It is possible for them to change in certain ways—i.e. their lack of doing dishes or their habit of leaving their laundry strewn across the floor. But if you’re looking for your partner to change the core of who he or she is for you, you might want to reconsider whether or not you’re meant to be together in the first place.

You should never ask your spouse to bottle up their feelings.

It’s never healthy to conceal important sentiments or feelings from your partner. In fact, bottling them up will likely only lead to it coming out at the worst times. “If your significant other is annoyed with something you're doing, it's best to address it right out of the gate,” says Bizzoco. “Ask him or her what is bothering them and find a way to communicate about it calmly.” If you’re having trouble communicating, marriage counseling apps like Lasting can help you work through it.

You should never ask your spouse to lie for you.

Asking your partner to lie for you, even if it seems harmless, could lead you both into unethical territory. “Whether it's relaying a lackluster excuse to a party host about why you can't attend their event or fibbing to your boss about being sick so you can get out of a day of work, both could lead to consequences down the road and one of you may eventually get caught in the lie,” warns Bizzoco. She suggests thinking twice before you get your partner involved in something that leaves a feeling of filth behind.

You should never ask your spouse to make more money.

There’s a reason why finances are the number one reason why couples fight. It’s a sensitive subject, to say the least. But if you know your partner is hard-working and doing what he or she can to provide for you, Bizzoco says you should accept things the way they are. “Instead, try to have a calm financial heart-to-heart to figure out what both of you can do if you need or want a larger financial cushion, but know that money isn’t truly what will make both of you happy,” she says.