Photo: b. flint photography
One of the trickiest parts of planning a wedding can be dealing with family members—both yours and your future spouse’s—and frequently, the mother-of-the-bride (or groom) can be the cause of some drama.
To help you handle any issues that may arise, check out our list of MOB or MOG types and how to work with them, and keep the peace.
The “I’m Staying Out of It” MomThis mom acts super chill and relaxed throughout all aspects of the planning process She is happy to let you make all the decisions, and doesn’t want to intrude at all.
How to deal: If you’re happy with having such a calm mom, great. But if you’d like for her to be a bit more involved, sit down and have a frank chat with her – tell her that you want her to be a bigger part of your special day. Give her a few responsibilities that you’d like her to handle (if she’s willing), and make sure to check in on her to make sure she’s getting them done.
The “It’s All About Me” MomIf you’re mom is trying to relive her wedding day, she may constantly be trying to put herself at the center of attention. You’re trying on dresses? She wants a gown that’s even more sparkly and attention-grabbing than yours. You’re meeting with vendors? She’s dominating the conversation and not letting you get a word in edgewise.
How to deal: You can handle this one of a few ways. If it’s your mom, you can either talk to her yourself or enlist one of her close friends or family members to calmly tell her to tone it down. If it’s your future spouse’s mom, it’s on him/her to have a chat with her and explain that it’s your wedding day and she needs to let you shine.
The “I Don’t Want to Intrude, But…” MomOtherwise known as the “fake out” mom. Sure, she acts cool and relaxed about the whole wedding thing, and doesn’t want to be overly involved but every so often, she’ll surprise you with a criticism or comment that completely throws you for a loop. For example, she tells you she hates your invitations after you’ve picked them out.
How to deal: Have confidence in your decision making ability, and say something like “I’m sorry you feel that way, but [future spouse] and I are going with these invitations and we hope you’ll be able to accept that.”
The “I’m Paying, So You Better Listen” MomIf your parents or your spouse’s parents are paying for a big chunk of the wedding (or all of it), they may frequently mention that fact in order to get their way. You feel like you have to keep your mouth shut, for fear they’ll pull the financial assistance.
How to deal: If you feel that things are getting out of control, it’s time to have a chat with the paying parents. Tread carefully and be as respectful and appreciate as possible. Tell them that there are certain aspects of your wedding that are very important to you and your spouse, and name them. Then ask, “How can we work together to make sure we’re all happy?” You’ll likely be able to come to a compromise.
The “I Want to Be Involved in Everything” MomAlso known as the “helicopter mom,” she wants to be involved in every single decision from the food to the flowers to the color of your nail polish. While it’s nice that she cares so much, you just want a little space!
How to deal: Give her a few important tasks that she can handle entirely on her own. For example, make her fully responsible for the out-of-town guest welcome baskets. Giving her a project will hopefully shift her focus. You can even assign her tasks using WeddingWire's free checklist.
The “I’m Your Bestie” MomSo, your mom is acting more like one of your bridesmaids than a mom. She wants to be with you every step of the way, and that includes at your bachelorette party. While it’s nice to have a mom you can confide it, sometimes you wish she acted more like a mom and less like your best bud.
How to deal: Take her out for lunch and explain that while you love that you’re so close, there are some activities that you want to do with just your bridesmaids. Come up with some ways that the two of you can spend time together before the wedding, and some tasks that she can handle so she feels needed and appreciated.
The “My Baby is Growing Up” MomShe breaks out into tears when discussing pretty much anything wedding related, which makes any task even more time-consuming and stressful.
How to deal: Sure, it may be that your mom is upset about her child leaving the nest, but there may be other issues she’s not telling you. Sit down with her and calmly ask, “You seem really emotional about the wedding. Is there something else bothering you?”
The “I’m Taking Matters Into My Own Hands” MomShe’s calling your vendors behind your back to make changes to your plans – not cool.
How to deal: Speak to your vendors and put them on alert. Ask that they call you before any changes are made to your initial agreement, so that you can chat with your mom if she tries to derail your wedding. Let her know, “If you have any ideas or concerns about the wedding, let’s discuss them first before you go to our vendors. I want to make sure we’re all on the same page.”