Winter Solstice Party, Surprise Wedding

Its a party not a wedding... tell them they could elope somewhere else, at a different time? its your party and they're not paying for it so i would absolutely say no, and that i do mind. friends or not... thats not cool... basically getting a free "wedding" out of you if you say yes.

Any update Mrs.BdeG?

That's a no from me, dawg.

Just tell her the idea doesn't make you comfortable.

Sleep on it? Seriously!? Ok, that's just straight up rude. I would definitely just come out and say no at this point and even explain that it's not fair to use other events that someone else paid for as a means to host their wedding. Any updates?

"I'm sorry, that would be really exciting and fun but this is an important party to us that we put a lot of time and effort into planning. I'd be happy to help you plan your own party/surprise wedding whenever you'd like but this celebration is important to us and we'd like to keep it about that."

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All of this...perfect phrasing!

View Quoted Comment Ahhh sorry! My DH and I had an apt this morning so I forgot to update you guys!

The pastor was not okay with having the surprise wedding during an openly pagan/atheistic (???idk the proper way to say that) event. She asked if we'd be willing to change it. When we openly said absolutely not, the intention is for an open and understanding place to choose to practice no religion or engage in a pagan celebration she said they understood.

I actually did offer to help her with planning. We may try to quickly throw together a NYE party/surprise wedding at her house and her own party but yeah! We are in the clear. Friendship is intact!

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So great to hear it worked out! I am a little surprised (although I shouldn't be after everything else she tried to impose on) that she asked for you to change the meaning of your celebration for her wedding. I'm glad you held your ground and that she understood!

I'm glad to hear that you were able to have them change their plans. I agree that it was very rude of them to even ask, and especially to force their religion onto your celebration.

And, every year after that, would it have become their anniversary party?

NYE party/suprise wedding sounds like it would be fun.

Oh, man! It's like that episode of Orange is the New Black! Ok, I would do it, because it sounds fun and interesting to me. That being said, you have every right to say no for really valid reasons. I wouldn't know how to tell you to do it though. Stipulations that would basically turn it into a no? Like, no Christian minister (c'mon, it's a pagan party) or, ya know, as I'm writing it I don't like it.

View Quoted Comment The pastor certainly made that easier! Glad they're finally backing down and accepting they need to have their own party.

Wow! She's got some gall to try to impose on you like that!

Good thing the pastor couldn't come through - took the pressure off you.
Wow, I really can't believe some people

Glad it worked out. That pastor made it easier on your for sure

Glad to hear the update! Whew!

If they paid for catering/alochol would you mind?

I would not be ok with someone trying to do this on my dime, but if they wanted to pay for it all, I might think it's fun to be a part of that.

Otherwise, "no" is a complete sentence.

Hi - fellow atheist here.

The biggest issue here is that they're basically trying to get a free wedding out of you. You're paying for catering and booze...so you're the venue, the food and the booze. Does she want to borrow your dress too?

The fact that it is a pagan party, and she wants to bring her pastor..... I can't even comment on that without being banned from WW lol.

ETA: Just saw the update, and i'm not surprised that is the pastors reaction. We are h-e double hockey sticks spawns after all.

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Well that's an easy fix then! I didn't even pick up on the pastor at a pagan event thing.

I can't believe someone would even ask that of you. Crazy. Glad it worked out though!

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Same! I was just scared that us saying no would hurt our relationship. I think she was just naive on the cost and planning that go into our party.

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Meh we just host it on the Saturday after real winter solstice so not every year. It would be annoying but that wasn't the concern. The whole forcing their religion was a bit much.

Yeah, I think we can pull together something nice for NYE because my caterer and his staff are available!