Winter Solstice Party, Surprise Wedding

Did they plan on inviting people too?

I say blame the caterers, or even “thats A sweet thought but I don’t think that’s gonna work out”

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They have a lot of mutual friends that are invited but they wanted to add their parents (4 people) and a pastor (1 person). We already have numbers in to the caterer. We already purchased the booze. We also...just don't want them to hijack our event.

I like the way you phrased that though, I think we might steal that!

Who would even come up with an idea like that? That's really going all out on the concept of pushing the costs onto other people. That's such an awkward position to put you in but I do like the phrasing from PPs. Good luck and hopefully they don't commandeer your party anyway (which sounds really awesome BTW)

That’s still 5 more people than you were expecting and hijacking your party to have a free wedding is rude.

Just be noce, but vague. If they push the issue, then you may have to get a bit more straightforward but since they asked first, they may be easy to sway.

Does this mean they have their license already?

It sounds like they do not understand nor appreciate the work you put into this yearly party. I hope you are able to give them an answer that lets them know how hurtful that was, so they can begin to appreciate your friendship and effort.

That’s bizarre. Did they offer to cover food and other expenses? I’m assuming that if it’s going to be a “surprise wedding,” there will be a number of people they want invited that aren’t generally invited to this party annually, pushing an additional expense on you.

Its super inconsiderate. It seems like they want you to host and pay for their wedding! No thanks!

I can only see me being ok w this if it was one of my crazy siblings... or if they tell you, we will cover all the cost, just really want the "surprise" element. But even then it would be a little weird. Don't feel bad not entertaining this request.

Plus surprise weddings are supposed to still be hosted by the bride and groom!

Dudddde. No way. That’s totally rude of them!

I’d politely tell your friends that it’s not the time or place to properly host THEIR wedding. Goodness gracious...

Have they even offered to put any money towards it? Also, why would they want to hijack that guest list? Do you share the exact same group of friends?

Wow, your friends are ballsy. I can't imagine even the thought process that went behind that. I think I'd probably blame it on the caterer or just say "As much as we'd love to share this special day with you, the two events wouldn't work out together. We look forward to your wedding celebration whenever you decide to have it". It's one thing to throw your own party and have your own surprise wedding there; a whole other thing to hijack a friend's party! and only asking a couple of days before!.

Well the nice route wasn't taken well.

We were asked to "sleep on it" and get back to them tomorrow. To answer some questions:

no they aren't paying for anything. When we host we don't make our guests open our wallet for anything! A closed wallet, a good party does make!

yes they wanted to add to the guest list.

Yes they actually got got their license. They didn't realize it expires after 60 days hence their last minuteness

Oh, my goodness, this is a whole new level of "wedding specialness"!

My response? "Thanks, but no need to 'sleep on it,' this won't work for us. Hope you can still come to our party, but understand if you need to change plans."

Say No.. No is a complete sentence!

I’d be a rud bish at that point “I don’t need to sleep on it. The answer is no”

Oh my! They actually told you to "sleep on it!"

Holy shi...oh wait, I can't say that anymore...

I would flat out say “no you cannot have a surprise wedding at our party”. It’s inappropriate for them to even ask.

Tell them no.

Wake up and immediately say "We slept on it and we still don't want to pay for your wedding sorry"

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"Took a nap, woke up and decided that we still don't want to host your last minute wedding and that it was incredibly rude of you to even ask".

They can always re-apply for the license if it expires. Also, who gets a marriage license but doesn't actually make plans to you know...get married?! If they don't want to pay for another marriage license they can take their parents to a court house and have a wedding ceremony. Not the end of the world.

That would definitely be the politest hard pass ever from me! You could always volunteer to help them
plan on their own dime and time if you feel bad. Maybe they should look for New Years or something.

Wow, I can't believe the way they rejected your polite response! I'd just respond back more forcefully, "I'm sorry, but it really isn't possible. We hope you can still make it to the party"