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Beginner December 2011

Will I ever let go everything that went wrong at the wedding??

Bridget, on January 18, 2012 at 8:28 PM Posted in Planning 0 24
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I'm definitely the type of person to hold a grudge. I've tried to change and unless I'm medicated I really don't. It's just how I'm wired. I did everything in my power to do everything right for my wedding. I keep telling myself and everyone else was the one day I would be on time and if they didn't make it to the location by 6 I would start, regardless of who was late or why. This became my downfall..

The limo was supposed to pick up the groom and his party at 430 and myself and my bridesmaids at 515. At 515 all of us were ready and I find out that the groomsmen were running late. I ended up showing up an hour late to the wedding.

This lead to the downward spiral of constantly being rushed, missing hearing the musician I hired to play, not being able to greet every table and take pictures with them and just the disappointment that I felt the whole time and can't shake off.

Does anyone else feel like this or is my type A personality getting the best of me?

24 Comments

Latest activity by Mercedes, on September 7, 2021 at 6:28 PM
  • Kimberly S  ( formerly Kimberly L )
    Master June 2012
    Kimberly S ( formerly Kimberly L ) ·
    • Flag

    You have a right to be upset, your wedding day is a very special day that takes months and years to plan and you can't get it back. But in the end, all that really matters is that you and your loved one are now one. Sorry that those things happened. Did they ever apologize for being tardy or offer some type of discount?

    • Reply
  • Jessica H
    VIP August 2012
    Jessica H ·
    • Flag

    You have a right to be upset...your special day is your day and who doesnt want everything to go PERFECTLY...but sometimes things happen out of our control, and you cant let that ruin the fact that you did get married...and hey you can always plan a vowel renewal in a few years and have take 2 Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • B
    Beginner December 2011
    Bridget ·
    • Flag

    Also the DJ's mother died 45 minutes before the wedding and he did not show, at a black tie event somebody wore jeans, there was a strict rule of no children and 2 showed up, the flowers were not done to my specifications, my husband was swimming in his suit, at the last minute some of the food I requested was not able to be found and had to get switched and I was not told until the buffet opened.

    I didn't mention I'm slightly OCD and the lack of control kills me!

    • Reply
  • Jessica H
    VIP August 2012
    Jessica H ·
    • Flag

    But while u were focusing on those things you forgot the important thing.....YOU GOT MARRIED! all of that other stuff is just stuff...the important part happend although late it happened...It sucks that things went wrong but did the guests have a good time?

    • Reply
  • Sarah
    VIP April 2011
    Sarah ·
    • Flag

    I think at least some of that stuff will eventually turn into good/funny memories of your day. Husband swimming in his suit?? lmao sounds like my DH. DH was almost topless by the end of the night!

    Try to focus on the important things, like that you are actually married. All the other little things dont matter at the end of the day. Give it some time.

    • Reply
  • Jessica
    Master September 2017
    Jessica ·
    • Flag

    As the ladies stated above, focus on the good.... there has to be some amazing moments, right???

    Its best to let it go, but

    That being said (from one OCD to another) I have already started psyching myself for things to go wrong. I know how tough it is to let go....

    • Reply
  • Christine
    Expert October 2011
    Christine ·
    • Flag

    I agree with the others. Concentrate on the fact that you married your best friend. Alot of the things you mentioned were out of your control. Dwelling on the other things

    will just drive you crazy. You don't want to ruin the memories of your special day. Focus on the good stuff, life is too short. I am sure your DJ would have rather done the wedding then deal with the death of his mother.

    • Reply
  • Kathy
    Master July 2010
    Kathy ·
    • Flag

    Well, you HAVE to forgive the DJ. His mother DIED!

    Honestly, I think that one can be upset over things not going as planned, but, I am sure that your guests had a great time. It is time to let it go. Not everything goes as planned. Not matter how prepared one is. Trust me. I have put on events for thousands, and something will go wrong. Most attendees will never know about the thing that goes wrong.

    Do not stress over it.

    • Reply
  • T
    VIP July 2012
    Tiny Dancer ·
    • Flag

    Okay. You HAVE to get over it. There is nothing you can do about the past, so move on. Instead of focusing on the things that went wrong, narrow in on the things that went right. Did you enjoy any part of the wedding? Did you marry the man you love? All that other stuff doesn't matter. Yes, it is disappointing that the ceremony started late. Yes, it is disappointing that the DJ wasn't able to attend. BUT those are trivial details to a day dedicated to marrying the man you plan on spending the rest of your life with. Focus on the good :-)

    • Reply
  • Mrs. S™
    Master October 2011
    Mrs. S™ ·
    • Flag

    At every single wedding something goes wrong, because it involves humans, and humans are not perfect. Even if they're OCD. How you remember your wedding is up to you, although you're wired the way you are.

    I was also determined that my wedding won't be late. But we forgot the marriage license. We paid $$$ to have the ceremony outside but it was too windy. Things happen, it's just life. It's not always about what happens, it's about the way you deal with it. Find a way to let it go and enjoy the best of the day.

    • Reply
  • Carly
    Super October 2012
    Carly ·
    • Flag

    Have you ever heard of a book called The Secret? Well, I dont really know if I am a believer in it, but it sounds to me that you had it happen to you.

    Its all about the Law of Attraction. If you focus on negative outcomes and are always worried about what could happen, then that is exactly what you will get. Instead if you try and focus on the positives in things and picture yourself in a life you want, that is what will come to you.

    Whether or not that is true, you are focusing more on what went wrong on your wedding DAY, its not like your entire marriage fell apart. I understand that you want things to go perfectly, but as Mrs. S said, humans are imperfect.

    Focus on the good. You are married to your husband, which in the end was the ultimate goal. =]

    • Reply
  • B
    Beginner December 2011
    Bridget ·
    • Flag

    Thank you all for your support. I'm a big reader, I'll try out the book Carly.

    • Reply
  • tram
    Super November 2010
    tram ·
    • Flag

    When I ready your post and it brought back

    Memories of my wedding day Smiley smile so many things was not the way it was suppose to be -- limo driver got loss n in turn we got to the ceremony late, the choir was a no show, the wedding prior to our was late so we didn't have enough time to set up the church... And this is just at the ceremony!

    But here's how I think of it.., it is Wat it is. There's nothing I can do now to change it. We accomplish what we set out to do--marry that one special person.

    Also read the article below, it has some great advice.

    http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/10/health/elderly-experts-share-life-advice-in-cornell-project.html?pagewanted=all

    My favorite quote in the article: "You are not responsible for all the things that happen to you, but you are completely in control of your attitude and reactions to them."

    • Reply
  • wonderful moment
    Master March 2010
    wonderful moment ·
    • Flag

    It's ok to be upset but try to think postive you are married now. Think about the good things ha it could of been wrost. Trust me. For my wedding my dad was in the hospital really sick and couldn't walk me down the isle. It would of been preferct if he was their. And a few months later he passed away. I tooked that experince as at least my dad knew I was married and got to see some pictures even though it hurted so bad. So just think of the good stuff that happend. And tell you the truth I had a harpsit at my wedding and I was on time but could not hear her play because I was waiting to walk in until I walked down the isle. I always said to myself that nothing is perfect. If you remember that than whatever happens you be able to deal with it much better. Most brides think of the perfect wedding that nothing should go wrong. Again nothing is perfect. They even got a tv show that is called Do over weddings. Don't worry too much. It could been wrost.

    • Reply
  • J
    Just Said Yes September 2012
    Jane ·
    • Flag

    I had asimilar experience at my wedding very recently. My guests were being shuttled by boat to our reception It was a storybook wedding but so much went wrong. One of the boat passengers got sick and held up departure by 45 minutes. Then the wind was too strong and the boat took forever to unload. We got to the wedding an hour late. We missed the sunset and the whole wedding was rushed and out of wack. The band didnt know what to play when, we walked into the wrong songs, the timing was completely off, and everyone was drunk. The guests said it was great but I cant get past all of the things that went wrong. The worst part about it is how I felt that night. I was so upset and just had a knot in my stomach. My husband and I got in a big fight afterwards and I have this horrbible sense of regret. I am just wondeirng how long I can expect to feel this way. I keep trying to look at pictures and focus on the positive but I cant get over how upset I was on such a happy day Smiley sad Any advice?

    • Reply
  • B
    Beginner December 2011
    Bridget ·
    • Flag

    It it almost 9 months since the wedding and everyday helps. It became a story that I told over and over and every time helped. You just really stop thinking about it and continue living in your new married life. I still get a little miffed at weddings that are on time and hopefully for our one year anniversary my husband will not get drunk and choose to spend our honeymoon night at a bar with our friends (always nice- just not that night) The pictures didn't help in the beginning because I would remember what was really happening while they were being taken. I told my husband I'm totally re-doing the wedding on our 5 year anniversary/ "Vow-renewal) I'm already planning it (he thinks I'm nuts and "wasn't one wedding enough") Destination wedding, whoever can come goes, if not I'm not going to sweat it. Also I'm having a wedding planner this time because supposedly they handle all the stress.

    • Reply
  • B
    Beginner December 2011
    Bridget ·
    • Flag

    It took about 6 months but you do feel better. Everyone says "just let it go" and you can't but just like a previous boyfriend that you could have never imagined getting over, you did and you will get past this. Enjoy everyday and focus on the future. There is nothing really left to do about the past except get a great photo album out of it. Good luck!

    • Reply
  • B
    Just Said Yes March 2018
    Bridgett ·
    • Flag
    HiBridgett....my name is Bridgett also and do I ever have Wedding Regrets! First the wedding was reset because my fiance then,could not get the time off set for our wedding so we replanned 3 TIMES!!! Timing was bad but we opted for Feb 10...that's not too cold in Texas...i WATCHED the weather EVERYDAY to keepinformed and that day was supposed to have been nice. The day before was sunny so i was really excited! But WHAT happened the next morning, FREEZING COLD 25 DEGREES!!!!!!!! I couldn't believe my eyes! We had a carriage ride set up, violinist add the wedding was to be held at The Water Gardens...surrounding us in beautiful water falls! I did not have a plan b, maybe 15 guests showed up, no gifts, NO TIME TO BUY DECOR FOR THE LAST MINUTE CHURCH LOCATION! Reception was awful..change in bands, we did not even dance...so I'm asking the same question, how long does it take to get over it! Yes we did get married but I really wanted our day to be special and to dance thenight away like we had thought about for so many nights!
    2/10/2018
    • Reply
  • B
    Beginner December 2011
    Bridget ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Well I am going on my seventh year of being married and it's still not something I forget. It's become more of a joke to tell people now. Just another wedding story. Do I wish the day would have gone as planned? Of course but it didn't. We are married now, not much to do about it but make my 10 year a big bash that had better go right. Yes, I do bring up that up and he has agreed I can get whatever I want. I now know he takes twice as long as me to get ready and make sure we plan accordingly now. I set his alarms way before mine and I'm still waiting in the car while he does "one more thing." Will I get over it enough to forget, probably never but it's not something to fight about and life keeps going and there is always something else to be concerned about like when will the toilet get fixed and will he catch the rat in the attic. You will move on or maybe recreate it like I plan on doing. Good luck!

    • Reply
  • E
    Just Said Yes May 2020
    Erin ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I just got married myself and like you I keep obsessing over the things that went wrong. It's been easy for me to be frustrated at others because they should have been looking out for me, knowing to get stuff done, because of the wedding day I'm the bride. I don't have time to make sure the programs get to their spot or that my honeymoon bag is in the right car. To be honest, I'm not sure if I'm actually made at others for not following through, or more made at myself for letting it happen. But what I keep telling myself is that stuff always goes wrong at weddings. There will truly always be a things that will get missed or where an important wedding person will mess up. Remember that you and I are not alone in it, and that its probably inevitable. I wish someone had told me this before my wedding day, so that I had the understanding and expectation that my wedding day will be so wonderful, but that things will go wrong. I hope that helps 🤷‍♀️ it's helped me!
    • Reply

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