Which is more rude, cash bar or dry wedding?

Dry wedding. Give the adults their own choice to buy a drink or not. It's preferable to have an open bar but if that's not an option do a cash bar. Perhaps have some wine and beer for free

I think it depends on the circumstance? I’m sure the guests will understand either way. It’s your wedding after all.

Dry in my opinion. I am not much of a drinker but having the option to purchase one is better than not having it..

FH and I are in recovery and have been sober 17 and almost 12 years so we aren't going to be paying for alcohol, it's still in the air if others will be able to buy it or not.

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Claire, this is not directed at you - but the whole "It's your wedding after all!" is the foundation of: "I only have seats for 80 but I will invite 100, it's my day! I will put out a honeyfund jar, it's my day! Let's have a self catered wedding, it's my day! Let's have it BYOB, it is my day!"

I do agree that guests will understand either way, I don't drink and I have shelled out $3.50 for a Diet Coke at a wedding (no lie, it was right before the dollar dance started) but I didn't care. I was there with relatives, visiting and happy. I think the title of "Which is more rude" can be misleading" Both are bad options, but a dry wedding is worse as you are taking away the option of a beer or wine. Plus many many brides (not here, brides I have known) have had a dry wedding while openly admitting they are trying to save money. And that is rude.

Dry wedding! I'd rather have to buy my own drink than have no drinks at all.

View Quoted Comment I have a friend who was two years clean and most of the guests were from her halfway house. There was no alcohol. It was greatly appreciated by everyone there. Everyone's experience/journey is different. I'm sorry you can't see that.

So to add to this question, my fiance doesnt drink. At all. Never has and never will. Our family and friends know this and know i am not a big drinker either. Our family and friends arent huge drinkers either. Would a cash bar still be seen as rude or cheap in this instance?

View Quoted Comment We are having a dry wedding, our family is cooking for our reception, and we are doing a dollar dance. Wouldn't have it any other way. We are so excited and our familes are so excited too!

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No, I can see that - that is very different than 125 guests, two are known to be in recovery, so let's not serve. As someone in recovery, I would certainly never expect one or two people who are in recovery, inviting half their guests who are in recovery to serve alcohol. That is a special and unique circumstance. Congratulations and well wishes to your friend!

View Quoted Comment True true, I see what you're saying. I guess my dry wedding attendee experience wouldn't not be the norm. And thank you!

Neither is rude.

Both suck, sure. But no one is required to pay for our alcohol, we can survive one night without drinking can't we?

Also, the people saying they would leave early if there was no alcohol, really? What sort of friend does that make you?

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I think the cash vs open bar discussion is largely geographical - so maybe this is a difference of opinion based on location.

But to answer your question honestly - I would think it was not the best hostess move to have a cash bar- people go to great expense to attend a wedding and I DO (whether it's the popular opinion or not) think it's rude to invite people to a party they basically have to pay to attend.

In the scenario you posted - a 200 person wedding - there's no universe that I don't think cutting that guest list to 160 to have an open bar isn't the right choice - who really closely knows 200 people to invite? I also believe you should only invite people you actually know... I am not of the school of thought that says you have to invite you 3rd cousin once removed that you haven't seen since a grandparent's wake 8 years ago. I would be happy to cut distant relatives or acquaintances who I have no real connection to in order to have a better party for people I'm close to.

To include the thoughts of another poster - having a cash bar is saying you're ok with alcohol - just don't want to pay for it. We are having a small wedding - 50-60 guests. Could I find 150 people to invite? Sure - but I can't afford to pay for the kind of party I want to host for 150 people so 50-60 it is.

View Quoted Comment Well the 200 is just inviting 100 people with plus 1s... both of my FHs parents passed away before he was even 26 y/o.. with his father being 1 of 13 and his mother being 1 of 6 and he also being a firefighter and now considering the other guys his “ family “... and then including my family, no second cousins, no third cousins.. and only a HANDFUL of friends coming we easily have 200 people that were close too, so don’t even say that we’re just “ finding “ people to invite .. my fiancé works his ass off everyday and runs into danger while everyone else is running away to save people he doesn’t know .. and if he decides he wants to invite every single one of his aunts and uncles and cousins and “brothers” on the department, even though we may not be able to afford to supply each and everyone of them with alcohol then I will not tell him he can’t do that simply for that reason.

Both are rude, and either way I'm packing mini's in my purse.

ETA - where I come from (northern Illinois) cash bars and dry weddings are not the norm. I'm in my mid-fifties and only ever been to 1 dry and 1 cash bar wedding and both were in other states.

I think both options are fine. I go to weddings to celebrate the marriage of people I care about, not to drink (especially when I need to drive back after the wedding).

I do think that unless there is a good reason not to serve alcohol (such as having the reception at a church or having a lot of guests who are members of AA), it is better to have a cash bar. It does provide guests with the option to drink. I have never had any problems with paying for my own drink, provided I’m forewarned to bring cash.

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Would you invite someone to dinner and pay for their meal, but then ask them to pay for their drinks? Or tell them they can't order a drink? All while knowing that in all likelihood they have brought you a card and gift? Seems pretty rude to me.

I think it's your wedding, neither is 'rude' but one with booze is more fun for most people. But if you don't want to pay for alcohol since you don't drink, it's not rude to have a dry wedding either, it's about you!

Personally, a dry wedding is worse. I would rather have the option to have alcohol than not have the option at all.

Really just depends on the family. If the family likes to drink, they’ll pay. If not have the dry bar. In the end you’re marrying the person you love. If people really want to drink they can bring a flask.