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Jayla
Champion October 2025

Which came first: sending your save-the-dates or asking your wedding party?

Jayla, on December 11, 2018 at 11:05 AM

Posted in Planning 102

What did you check off of your planning checklist first? Was it sending out your save-the-dates, or officially asking your friends or family to be in the wedding party? Photo by Marina Rey Photography in Greensboro, NC Next Question: Which came first: deciding on your first dance song or your songs...

What did you check off of your planning checklist first? Was it sending out your save-the-dates, or officially asking your friends or family to be in the wedding party?

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Photo by Marina Rey Photography in Greensboro, NC


Next Question: Which came first: deciding on your first dance song or your songs for parent dances?

Back to the Beginning: Which came first?


102 Comments

  • Jennifer
    Super December 2019
    Jennifer ·
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    Wedding party. I asked mine right away because it is mostly my sisters (I have 4) and niece and nephews so unless something horrible happens to one of them I cant imagine anything changing with them being a part of everything. My fiancee asked their best friend to be Honor Guard Captain - the actual leader of their half since she is reliable and their brother to be Best Man - he is the only man - and he is a little flaky so we are only expecting him to show up on time with appropriate clothing on. They asked other Honor Guard members slowly when they were more sure about each individual person.
    Our Save the Dates are in progress and will go out this coming January - beginning of February because we want people to be able to plan for a Christmas time trip.

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  • Alyssa
    Master December 2019
    Alyssa ·
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    Wedding party

    we knew immediately but did somewhat take the advice that one should not ask “immediately” so I asked my first girl within about 40-60 days and Glenn asked his best man around the same time. I wanted to ask
    my girls in person so it was gradual over about 30-45 days from when I asked first person until last so I asked first about 5 weeks or so after getting engaged and then probably had asked everyone within 90 days (around beginning of September) but will be sending the save the dates until like 4 months after confirming the wedding party and about 11 months before the wedding because all guests are out of town and we are getting married on the Monday after thanksgiving (cyber Monday 2019 lol) so people will be missing school and work because they need to extend out their thanksgiving holiday basically

    i think if it was close In time I would have decided before sending still because from talking to people it seems like they are very likely to check out your website when they receive the save the dates but can’t see themselves keeping an eye on it, so to speak so I decided I would want all of my information finalized and published for my site before sending out my save the dates including some information about each member of our wedding party and their role in the wedding as well as in our lives and my hotel Block details because I’m not the only super early planner in my family by far lol
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  • Alyssa
    Master December 2019
    Alyssa ·
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    When is your wedding?

    sounds like we’re both getting ready for December weddings with January save the dates!!
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  • Jennifer
    Super December 2019
    Jennifer ·
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    December 14, 2019 - finally down to less than a year away!

    I have my save the dates started - just waiting on my sister to finish some photoshop magic with the pics my future BIL took for us on the beach last summer, I had a strap slip I didnt notice that is very visible in the best pics so my sis is erasing it for us.

    When is your wedding? Are you having fun with the planning yet?

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  • Alyssa
    Master December 2019
    Alyssa ·
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    Yay for under a year!!

    we are getting married on December 2 and I have my save the dates and have addressed most of them but we won’t send until January to avoid holiday mail mess

    i started planning on June and actually we are essentially done planning pretty much

    i have to “finalize” a few decisions (dj, I have 2 photographers right now and probably should just go with 1, we want to look into renting couches and lounge furniture for venue as it only has 3 couches and I have to figure out for sure what dress I will wear and if I’m doing invitations enclosures also or just relying on website for detail dispersement, and of course pay for things lol... and I have a couple of extremely minor diy projects)



    hows your planning going? How long have you been engaged?



    we are having a Lord of the rings theme and the wedding will be ridiculously “theme oriented” lol
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  • Jennifer
    Super December 2019
    Jennifer ·
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    Nice! I'm designing our Save the Dates myself using Canva so I have them done besides dropping in the pic I want to use, then just printing at Staples. We dont have a lot to send so I'm guessing I can get the addresses done in a night or two.

    We arent as far along in our planning but we have been engaged for over 2 years now. We had initially thought we would get married over the winter break during my fiancee's 3rd year of Vet Med School last year but after stopping in with Financial Aid we realized that we would lose most of the aid we have been depending on if we did because they would count my parents' income against it in addition to mine and her parents' (which already counts but mine does not) and we couldnt have afforded that so we pushed it back to 6 months after graduation to be clear of that issue. We have our venues, caterer, priest, a friend is gifting us photography (she is a pro), and my dress. We know what we want to do but have been focused on saving the money to pay for it all (while also paying for med school) so far.

    We are doing a general fantasy theme cause we couldnt pick a fandom with so many that we love so each table will be a different world from a different book/movie/game. Our venue is a reproduction medieval castle hall so we can tie them all together with the candles and flags from the overlooking balcony.

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  • Katie
    VIP November 2019
    Katie ·
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    I asked my bridal party , took engagement photos then sent out my save the dates
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  • Alyssa
    Master December 2019
    Alyssa ·
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    I’m sorry you had to push back but I think it was smart! I commend your patience and appreciate the fact you wanted to do things right.

    omg!! You have to tell me everything!! What is each table? Pictures of the decor elements? Dress photos?!? I am soo into the fandom theme thing it’s not even funny!!

    i absolutely love it!! It’s the thing that keeps me excited and “into” our wedding and planning!!

    please share?
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  • Jennifer
    Super December 2019
    Jennifer ·
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    We havent fully decided on the tables yet - the number needed might change so we are creating our list with certain people in mind for certain tables and then filling in the other places we want featured. One of my sisters asked specifically for the Hundred Acre Woods so she will be getting that one and we are in a Star Wars costuming group so they will be getting the Alderaan table and my college friends will be at Asteroid B 612 (from Le Petit Prince) because we were French majors and my FS camp friends (we met working at camp but she stayed at that one and I switched to advance to a director) will be at the Neverland table. We definitely want a Lord of the Rings table but are stuck between calling it Lothlorien and Rivendell and a Mass Effect table but are deciding between a place and your ship. And we have at least 8 more to decide on. No one gets Harry Potter because EVERYONE wants it. So instead we are decorating the hall like Hogwarts with floating candles above the tables. Our centerpieces are all gold manzinite trees that will have glass votive holders with LED candles and crystals hanging on them as well as ornaments that match that table's theme. So my sister's table will have Pooh, Tigger, and Eyeore - our favorites. And then on either side of the trees we will have LED Pillar candles in faux frosted glass with a quote that pertains to love or family from the book/movie/game. We are still deciding on most of those but the Le Petit Prince table will be (roughly translated - it will be in French on the table) "You must see with your heart, that which is essential is invisible to the eyes". The big piece we have a definite plan for already is our seating chart which will be a big map my FS is drawing (she is an amazing artist) of all the fantasy worlds with a symbol for each (so the Evenstar for LOTR) as a key with the list of the people sitting there. And that symbol will be the biggest on their centerpiece tree. Our Save the Dates are also themed - they are designed to look like Pokemon/trading cards and our front photo on half of them is us as Lupin and Tonks (we are making them collectible with 2 versions because why not?).

    I will definitely be posting more as we get things done and finalize plans.

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  • Kirsten
    Dedicated June 2019
    Kirsten ·
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    We asked all of our wedding party first and I actually just sent out save the dates in the beginning of December.
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  • Stephanie
    Expert September 2019
    Stephanie ·
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    I asked my bridesmaids right away. I haven't sent out save the dates yet. I am a professional athlete, along with one of my bridesmaids, so for her especially, I wanted to be sure she had as much time as possible to plan next year's competition season around my wedding.
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  • Dulcy
    Devoted March 2019
    Dulcy ·
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    I ask my wedding party first and I send out my save the date a couple of weeks ago for my March wedding. I’m going to start on my invitations the couple of weeks into January.
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  • Kristin
    Super November 2019
    Kristin ·
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    Wedding party was first. We had an 18 month engagement so we had a bit of time before the Save the Dates needed to go out.

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  • Jayla
    Champion October 2025
    Jayla ·
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    That's the good thing about a longer engagement, you have a little more time to get things done!

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  • Jayla
    Champion October 2025
    Jayla ·
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    That's awesome!! Are you making them yourself or ordering from somewhere?

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  • Dulcy
    Devoted March 2019
    Dulcy ·
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    I ordered them from Etsy, she’s making all my paper goods down to my table numbers and place cards.
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  • Yoice
    VIP March 2019
    Yoice ·
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    I asked my wedding party first

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  • Yoice
    VIP March 2019
    Yoice ·
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    We didn't send out STD. We had wine bottle, water bottle and personalize napkins all with STD at our engagement party. Our engagement party was exactly a year from our wedding date. So a wine bottle was our save the date.

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  • Kierra
    Just Said Yes May 2023
    Kierra ·
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    I asked my wedding party first. We will send out save the dates in May 2019
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  • Victoria
    Dedicated March 2019
    Victoria ·
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    We asked our wedding party. We are only have a MOH and a best man. Then his two nieces are our JR BM and FG.

    We sent our STDs after getting our engagement pictures done.

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