Wedding "Shade"...

I've gotten "shade" for a couple things.

1. Having an immediate family only wedding (plus one friend who has been like a sister to me. She's immediate family in my eyes). Our extended family was none too please about that. I imagine I will be the subject of a lot of talk after it's over. Sucks for ya'll, but that's what we wanted. Too much drama in my family for all that anyway.

2. Walking down the aisle by myself. I haven't gotten too many comments on this yet, but I imagine his family might be a little confused.

Otherwise, I guess I haven't gotten a lot of comments on how we're doing the wedding because it is so small. Not as many opportunities for people to judge.

Not getting married in a church. We're having our ceremony and reception outdoors at an orchard. We love the outdoors and it would mean more to us than a church. Plus, this way our guests only have to drive to one location. Some religious folks aren't the happy about it or think it's strange.

We get shade all the time. *Kanye shrug* My dress is navy( I've been told that, that is "different" with disdain), my ceremony is non-religious, my FH will walk down the aisle, I have a Man of Honor (he's gay, oh the horror!), we are having a second ceremony, Harry Potter themed wedding (I'm going to hell because, you know, witchcraft) no bouquet toss or garter toss. My mama and papa have been super supportive, but my other relatives not so much. My grandma told me on Sunday, she wasn't sure if she was coming. It hurt, but I have to keep moving on. It's our day, not anyone else's. Shady folks exist and most often they are family members.

I'm on the other side of the church wedding issue... I've gotten shade from friends and a couple of relatives for choosing a church wedding!

Surprisingly, the other thing I've gotten shade for is wanting to have more ushers! I've brought it up with several family members, because my church is huge and has two big entrances, one is the "main" entrance and one is by the parking lot. I figured it would be helpful to have an extra usher or two at the parking lot door, maybe to both hand people programs and seat them. Every time I bring it up, I get shade from people! It's not even like it's adding to the rehearsal dinner or anything, because FMIL wants to invite the OOT guests anyway. I'm like, really, of all of the decisions I've made, the USHERS are the thing everyone's going to complain about?!

Oh, and I'm doing online RSVPs only for the younger guests. That's been earning me some serious shade from family members and older guests, even though they won't be the ones impacted by it anyway!

Hmmm let's see...

Not getting married in church, getting married outside.

I won't ask FH to convert so we can get married in said church.

Having an officiant instead of a priest.

Not doing a crowning ceremony, only candles.

I'm not inviting everyone I've met in passing in my life to my wedding.

Im having both my parents walk me down the isle, not just my dad.

Not having a buffet, FSIL is really picky and wants more options like Mac & cheese (IDGAF! What is she 5?)

Im not putting my brothers in the BP because they are not close to FH at all, plus they are occasionally disrespectful to our engagement/upcoming wedding so WTF am I putting them up there when they don't support us???

I've gotten a few weird looks when I say my daughter is walking me down the aisle but I don't care too much, at my age the whole 'giving me away' didn't make since plus me and my only child have been doing life just the two of us for a long time I thought it would be symbolic of us both allowing someone else into our life

@moco I think that is a beautiful idea and something that you and your daughter will always treasure! Surely FH understands the sentiment behind that, and that's all that matters.

Lets see,

-the older people( grandparents) don't like the first look idea.

-his side( again the older people) hate that they have to drive 20 mins to the reception hall.

-his aunt gave us some serious judgement went we said the ceremony was on the beach, not in a church(we have never gone to church)

We basically say "well if you have a problem, don't come" ugg.

I got a FSIL story to top that.... My FMIL asked me to change the flavor of my wedding cake filling because my FSIL doesn't like it. We already had to change the rehearsal dinner venue to suit her taste buds.

FMIL also gave me shade for not putting her name on the invitation (we just have our names because we are paying 100% for this, no "gifts" from anyone)

Shade for not having someone read Corinthians 13:4-13 during our 15 minute secular ceremony.

I've also gotten shade for the outdoor wedding. My grandfather has called my mom 6 times to tell her the story of how someone he knew performed an outdoor ceremony and married the wrong people because he didn't know who was the bride and groom. I have no idea what that has to do with an outdoor wedding but we have had to assure him several times the ceremony will be in "good order."

Let's see my half-sister has thrown shade and continues to for....

1. Having the wedding on a Friday

2. Having the wedding in CT versus MA

3. Even having a wedding at all. (She thinks it's a waste, but she isn't paying for it, so girl bye!)

As far as non-traditional things...

1. No dad walking me. Instead my son and grandfather are walking me down.

2. No parent dances (will dance with my 10 yr old though)

3. No garter or bouquet toss

4. No grand exit, just a final dance, give love and goodbyes, then off to gamble!

No crap has been given about not doing these traditions as of yet.

My mom likes to throw the "YOU SPENT HOW MUCH?" card at me often. We're paying for the wedding ourselves (though my parents offered to pay for the reception which is very sweet--and I won't count on it until the day of and it's paid for, lol). Recently I mentioned I was price-checking a guitarist for our ceremony and she's horrified that I would spend a penny on that when I could "just get a tape deck." Mmhmm.

I wanted a morganite for my main stone and I thought I'd get some shade for that but instead women stop me on the street to compliment my ring. The only side-eye I get is from my friends because I don't want a wedding band to go with it (I just don't like the look or feel of wearing two rings). They're all very much in the "it has to be a flawless diamond or he didn't try hard enough" camp. Eww.

@AMW same here. I won't be getting a band not because we can't afford it but because one ring is enough. Before getting engaged I wore A ring maybe 2 times a month when I was feeling fancy.

I've had people ask about my ring too since it's not your traditional e-ring. Once buying groceries the checkout girl just looked at us, nodded towards the ring and said "you did a good job" to my FH. (I think he really needed that because he was feeling like maybe it was a "wrong" thing to get me a non-diamond ring. tsk.)

Got a little bit of "shade" from one or two old bitty ladies that I was having a big wedding with all the trimmings and it is both our second marriages. The last woman who gave me the side eye on that one I explained with a straight face (hard to do) that I was only 16 at my first marriage and the ink was barely dry on my bill of sale when my then husband whisked me away to the marital bedroom - shut her down pretty quick; she didn't know what to say LOL... so THIS time I will have the wedding FH and I want together. Sheesh... it's been 40 years lady.

We didn't have a registry. Or a shower. The only person I got shade from for this (and other things) was MIL.

Lol @JennZee, is your grandfather referring to the episode of 30 Rock where Jack is accidentally married to Liz bc the officiant mistakes her mosquito net for a veil? Haha while TV shows are definitely a good reference for real life, I'm sure you'll be fine and married to the right person.

I volunteer at a food pantry a couple of times a month. A client I was helping (who is in no other way involved in my life, let alone my wedding) turned her back and asked for someone else when I mentioned I wasn't getting married at our church. I laughed it off and handed her the bags I was already holding.

ETA: the right words help . . .

Gotta love people!

@Kristina, I kind of wish that that were true, but I can almost guarantee you that my 91 year old grandfather has never even heard of 30 Rock haha

I think it's just his of way of being involved since unfortunately he can't travel to attend the wedding it does make for a good joke between our family though!

Oh I've been getting shade for having a Friday wedding. Also for wanting simple with close friends and family only.

My family (specifically my sister) is having a fit that I don't want a BP. It is a < 30 guest, destination wedding in a small pavilion. I only want my FH, the officiant, and myself standing up there and I don't understand why that is a crime? I asked her to be my witness for the marriage license and if she would come dress shopping and such with me but she is "hurt" that she won't be recognized. She already had her wedding and I wish they would all just let me have mine.