Wedding Invitations Drama - Why so much drama with parents - please help

However, my fiancee has been sick of all my parents demands and insists on not budging on this one (as she really likes this style). She feels she is right since we are paying for the bulk of the wedding and our parents are only chipping in.

And as with so many other issues, I am stuck in the middle. I looked for proper etiquette on this, and I couldn't really find something when parents only 'chip in'.

My fiancee basically say my parents always get their way. My parents think this is a spit in the face and pure disrespect. Both are pretty stubborn and I just don't want WW3.

Please give advice to proper etiquette, and even though I always support my fiancee, I need to know if I should say 'you are right' or 'i support you but you are wrong and consider changing it'.

I think that it's just the invitation, so what's it matter? Keep the peace, put their name on the invitations. While you two may be paying for a larger portion of the wedding, both sets of parents are contributing, so there's no reason not to mention both sets of parents.

I wish you the best of luck, sounds like you may have been better off doing the wedding you two wanted with whatever you could afford without help. But you gotta pick your battles, and I don't think this is one that's worth the trouble.

This is why you shouldnt have parents like this help with wedding costs, bc it isnt their wedding its YOURS. i agree with your fiance. you should be able to have the invitations YOU WANT FOR YOUR WEDDING. your parents should be giving you financial help bc they love you and WANT to help with the wedding, not so they can have control and get bragging rights. it sounds like your parents need a reality check.

I have to agree with your FW. You guys are paying the majority. You're still recognizing them on the invite. I would go with what FW wants on this since your folks are getting their way on so much else. It sounds like the only reason they contributed money was to have their name on the invite and to make sure there were things they wanted. If they pull their funding over the invitations... A) wow, how petty can you be and B) yay! have things your way!

We don't have any mention of either set of parents on our invite. Folks aren't contributing. I get the feeling his momma is going to beetch beetch beetch about it... but what else is new.

I don't agree--Apease your parents... at the end of the day, if it makes them feel good, isn't it worth it?

I don't care if my fiance and I were paying for the whole thing; just based on the sacrifices both our parents have made their whole life neither one of us would be where we are if it wasn't for our prior generations.

Pay them the respect- it's the easiest thing your ever going to do.

Ouch.... That's got to be rough. In reality, it's your wedding. I'd think, if you guys are paying for the invites, then respectfully say so to your parents. If the parents are opting to pay for them, then put their names along with yours. On another note, how formal/informal is the wedding? If it's informal/casual, then there shouldn't be a need to apply the parents' names. If it's a formal wedding, then etiquette would say apply the parents' names.

Sorry if that confused you more.

Anyone else notice the wedding date is 3/10/2012??

I can kind of see both sides of this.... Why not a compromise? "Along with their parents" and then list their names? Your names would still be first, but to me at least it would acknowledge their help.

Personally, if I had people helping us pay for the wedding, I wouldn't care less if their names were on the invitation or not. But everyone's different.

One more thing- Just remember the saying "Happy wife, happy life."

Sorry...wedding date was pushed back....

i appreciate the advice, but what is the actual etiquette?

This isn't a casual wedding but its also not 100% traditional. Its probably more formal than casual, but there are some casual elements.

I think that whether your parents are contributing to the wedding or not... it is still your wedding.... I think that it is terrible that they would ever make you fell that their help comes with rules and regulations....

The money that they give it to help.... that money should be a gift... but that is just my opinion...

You are in a tough spot Randall

I don't think it's the issue of exact percentages or whether things they're paying for are actually what you wanted. Even if it were, 1/3 is a significant amount. Your parents are helping with hosting the event, so they should be on the invites. Our parents weren't but we paid for our wedding to the last dime.

On a different note, I don't think that's worth going into a war over.

For example:

http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/wedding-invitations/articles/wedding-invitations-etiquette.aspx

I believe that the etiquitte would be to include them on the invitation if they are helping to host the wedding. However, 'with our families' should be enough to appease them. If this is really that big of an issue, I would just put it like this. Sit down with your parents and ask what they want to pay for, not how much they want to chip in, but what specific service they want to pay for. Tell them that whatever they actually send a payment in for, they can have input in. If they want a band instead of a DJ, they have to pay the difference between what it would cost. If they want their names on the invitaions, they need to send in a check to the invitation company for atleast half the amount of the invites. If that is what they want to do, talk to her parents and give them the same option because it wouldn't be fair to have your parent's names and not her's. If both sides pay half for the invites, then they can have their names on it. End of argument.

I think I agree with Jennifer and Mrs. S. It shouldn't be something to go into a war over.

If both sets of parents are contributing, I don't see why you can't include their names. Only my parents contributed some (we covered the majority), but we opted to put our names only (FH's parents are divorced). I would have preferred to put both sets of parents' names but it would get too complicated for our situation. Luckily, my parents are very understanding.

I used this as a guide for wording:
http://www.marthastewartweddings.com/228634/wedding-invitation-wording/@center/272440/wedding-etiquette-adviser

Lots of luck!

Personally, if the parents are chipping in a single dime- they get a say. Old ettiquette states the wedding is hosted by the bride's parents. However, it also states they foot the entire bill. It used to be Mr and Mrs Smith, announe marraige of daughter Jane to John, son of Mr and Mrs Doe. Now, there is no true ettiquette. However, if they feel it is that disrespectful- then it isn't worth the fight. List it the way the parents agree to it. At the end of the day, it's paper. It's not worth the drama.

I did "together with our parents" but for 2 reasons:

1) Fh and I are paying a third, my stepdad is paying a third and FFIL/FMIL are paying a third. My dad? nada (he's broke)

2) my mom died a couple years ago so it i couldnt figure out a way to do the invite without someone getting hurt.

compromise~the things they are requesting they are paying for and they will add a bit to the day which when you look back, you will prob enjoy.

remind FW that there are worse things than the wording on an invite.

I didn't even think to ask our parents, we only put our names, but we footed the bill ourselves. I think that your FW may be off on this one, at what point of contribution would your families be "entitled" to having their names on the invite?

In my opinion its like on Christmas and you address/sign the cards MR. & Mrs. & family..... honestly i think its tacky.

I've never heard of the official ettiquette in regards to name - is it possible to compromise? I'm assuming you'll have programs, perhaps tell your parents their names will be included there instead?

To be completely honest though, I went to 5 weddings last summer. And I can't remember what a single one of the invitations looked like.

My FMIL is helping with our wedding a lot but when it cames to the final desions she lets me have that say. The only thing we butted heads on was the color of my dress she wanted white and black I wanted and got the Ivory and Black. As for our Invitations we do not have parents names on them. Sides that who will remember the Invitations in a couple of months.