VENT!!!!!!

Honestly... the only reason i am not going to the courthouse is because I want to wear my pretty dress! It's not an effing family reunion, it's my wedding!! It's not that I don't love my grandparents... it's just that it's not a big family affair... My mom and my siblings... that's it... to those of you who have read previous posts of mine, you know I am a very easy going person... I guess I am just not acting like myself right now...

You will NEVER please everyone with the guest list. Explain exactly what you just did here, and let them be angry for a while...they'll get over it. It's your wedding, the guests should be those who are important to you.

Also, be prepared for people inviting themselves...haha, that's a whole new kind of fun.

You don't have to invite aunts and uncles if you invite grandparents. I understand it is a small affair- but you really can't invite grandparents?

I think you have plenty of time before the wedding to make a firm decision. Just tell your mom that for now, it will just be parents and siblings.

Well I really have no room for that... I am having my reception at a restaurant and it only holds 40 people... and I just got off the phone with my sister and she told me that my mom is planning on bringing my grandparents no matter what I say... who does she think she is!!! She is not contributing ONE CENT to this wedding!

The guest list has already been made and there is just no more room... like I said... i have SIX brothers and sisters and FIVE of them have families... not just spouses.. but FAMILIES... I just don't have the room! And my mom and grandparents live halfway across the country from us... so what do I do when my mom drags my poor grandparents all the way down to Florida and I just don't have the room for them!

I have to apologize... I have had a couple of drinks so I am a little more emotional than usual... but this is something that has been upsetting me for awhile... like it's her decision or something!

I'm just like you. I want something small about 40 people. HOWEVER, my mother and FH's sister are appalled when I mention not inviting all family (includes immediate, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins). So, I'm probably going to end up inviting all 72. The worst part is that they EXPECT an invitation because they happen to be related. /rant.

In the end, you have no one to please but you and FH. Do what makes it feel right for the both of you! And if that's "rude" so be it!

Okay, I will say that if you invited the Grandma with Alzheimer's, that would probably not be good. Depending how advanced the disease is, it could cause her to become even more confused, disoriented and possibly really unpleasant to be around. It would not be fair to her to be there.

It's not that I don't love my grandparents... it's just that it's not that kind of affair... this to me is one step up from just going the the courthouse...and my mother is making it so difficult... I remember when my sister was planning on getting married (she ended up not getting married) my mom said that if she didn't make me her MOH that my mom wouldn't even come... like... why does she think she has the right to be like that!

@Bitchasaurus(btw I LOVE your name lol) I completely agree with you... but if my brother (half brother actually) saw that I invited my moms parents and not our dad's mom it would hurt him so bad... which is why i wanted to keep it just parents and siblings to begin with! so much easier that way!

Because "back in the days" that is how things were done.

I do think, though, that the grandparents (with the exception of Alzheimer grandma) should be invited. If my grandparents were alive, they'd never forgive me if I didn't invite them. To you, it may be one step up from the courthouse but to them, this is their granddaughter getting married.

But how can I invite them (my mom's parent's) and not my other grandma (my dad's mom.. the one with alzheimer's) My dad wont be there because he passed away... and I am just scared that my half brothers (on my dads side) would think that I just didn't care about that side of the family... like my moms side is more important or something... you have to understand that i have a HUGE family on both sides... so if I start inviting anyone other that mom or siblings it starts getting messy...

I dunno- its hard...i almost want to say since you say your mom is going to bring them anyway,to just invite them.....i mean, if they do show up, are you going to turn them away. Perhaps you can talk to your half brother and explain that because of your grandmother's (dad's mom) medical condition traveling for the wedding would not be in her best interest,and maybe make a dedication to her during the ceremony or reception since she was unable to be there, that way it would show your brother she is as important to you

I understand your stress, for me, my wedding is my family reunion. I want a chance to connect with my family and meet some of FH for the first time. Everyone really needs to respect your choices though, I'd invite who you want, and just stand your ground! It's your wedding, if you and FH agree that should be the end of it.

Another thing is, (and I am not as upset about the matter now that I have slept it off) I can only physically fit 40 people into the room that I am having the reception dinner... that includes us.... so really my guest list is only 38... 20 of them are just the family that I am inviting (my mom and siblings and their families) and then like 4 of them are mutual friends of FH and I... that's only 14 left for FH's side of the guest list... it is already way too much about me and that's not what I want... it's his day too and his grandparents are not going to be there so I don't understand what my mom doesn't understand lol... oh well.. I am glad I didn't call her last night... I was very upset!

Personally, I would invite the grandparents..I agree with your mom they should come. I couldnt imagine my wedding without my grandmother present.

Why must all the siblings families come? I guess these are all kids? That is where I would shift some to make room for grandparents. If your not close to the other side then don't invite them I guess.

I know what you mean about inviting someone that requires care -- that was a concern for us too when we started in on the elderly folks in our families ... whether it's an aunt/uncle or someone who's paid to help them around, eat, bathe, etc., that's still another head you're paying for if they come along.

I agree that you should just stick to your reasoning for the 40 people and let people work through their hurt feelings. And yeah, get ready for some rude stuff like people inviting themselves or assuming one thing or another ... especially in this economy and how many couples are footing the bill (so it's not all traditional and formal as it once was way back when), I think people should understand if they find out they're not on the list.

Good luck though!

I think that if your guest list is that tight, and you haven't invited your or fh's grandparents, then you need to rethink your reception dinner location. I just can't imagine not inviting grandparents! Aunts, uncles, cousins, yes... but Grandparents?!? Or maybe you should make it 'no kids' so that your list isn't as tight... but I really think grandparents should be invited before you worry about neices and nephews and possibly even SIL's an BIL's! Just because they're old doesn't mean they're dead and should be forgotten about! Without them you would never be on this earth! Sorry, I know that's harsh.. but.... golly I just wouldn't be happy if I was your grandparent and wasn't invited!

At the end of the day, its your wedding, and you can do what you want, but with this much time until the big day, I think you can figure out a way to include them.

It is your and FH's day! You invite who in the hell you want!!! You are paying for it no one else!!! Explain to your brother the situation about the Gma.

Question, how many people are you inviting? If you are inviting 40, please know that 40 will not come... for myriad reasons. I understand big family (my aunts, uncles, first cousins who I grew up with are 50+ people - not to mention their children). But we are able to invite more because not EVERYONE who is invited will come.

I also think that GP should get a higher place on the Guest list than other random people. And who knows, beloved Granny may simply decline? And could you ask her caregivers if it makes sense to invite her? Would she even be able to come?