VENT!!!!!!

I am seriously considering eloping right now lol... it just seems like this whole thing is about other people and their happiness and nothing about mine or FH... and that in itself hurts my feelings... but as long as grandma is happy right

I understand why you feel that way, but really it's an important family event. Have you thought about have a separate reception for just extended family members after the actual wedding? That way the could still feel involved but you still have 'your day'

All my extended family live halfway across the country... We would eventually make a trip up there and have a small celebration, I'm sure... that way, my grandma couldn't insult his whole family... just him lol... ugh... I really don't even want a wedding anymore.... I just want it to be about us, and I guess i can't have that if I have a wedding...

the reason i want a wedding is to see him waiting for me at the end of the aisle... and to see his reaction when he sees me.... I want to say my vows to him and hear them back... I want it to feel like we are the only people in the room even though there would be a room full of others... but that's not what this is... So I don't know what to do now... I don't want to settle for something just to make other people happy on a day that is supposed to be about me and my fh... I really want a wedding... but I am gonna be doing a lot of rethinking I guess

Oh Katie, I understand how you feel!

I have a lot of frustrations too and honestly, I just want to marry my FH, not deal with all the stress.

I say, do what you want. Then, make place cards for each seat at the restaurant so that if your mom DOES bring your grandparents, it's obvious that you weren't planning for them to be there. That might sound rude, but honestly, you shouldnt have to invite people to your wedding just because you feel bad.

Maybe plan an open house a month or 2 after the wedding and invite some of the family that you did not include originaly? Then, when people ask where their invitation is or whatever you can just say, "sorry, our venue is very small so we just invited VERY close family and friends, BUT we will be having an open house and we would love if you could make it to that!" and make it clear that no gifts will be accepted otherwise it will sound like a gift grab.

That's a good idea kelly... and I am even wiling to go to them for something like that... since they live so far away, instead of having all of them come down here... FH and I could just go there and have a potluck or something at my mom's house or something, my mom lives up there too...i mean obviously she will be at my actual wedding as well!

You should task your mom with planning the potluck (if you think that's something she would enjoy), then you're killing two brids with one stone!! She can invite all of her friends and family and show you off AND you are including her in something wedding related!

(that's how we got my FMIL off our back hahaha)

Weddings are family events. Yes it's your day, but it's a day that holds emotions for everyone. And honestly,,if one day i had grandkids and i wasnt invited to their wedding i'd be devestated. I understand what you say about the complaining,,my sister is like that. She hates everything,is sarcastic and can be really really mean: i made her a BM.

It sounds like to achieve what you want maybe consider a DW with you,your FH and your friends

It seems like everyone keeps reading over the fact that not only does she complain a lot... but se's also very racist and my FH is Asian... eso I just know she would be very offensive to him and his family... everyone keeps telling me to just "deal" with her complaining... so am I supposed to just "deal" with her hurting my husbands and inlaws feelings... because it will happen... there's no way around it

My FH can handle it.... He would probably just laugh it off... but I can't have his whole family be insulted... if it were a bigger wedding, it wouldn't be as big of an issue cuz there would be so many people there, gma probably wouldn't even talk to the inlaws any longer than them introducing themselves... but since it's only 40 in a small banquet room, that kinda worries me...

which is why i think it's a good idea to do the whole potluck postwedding sometime so that way FH will be the only one who gets it from her...

That's a pity your mom is telling you she will bring them either way. Can you sit down with her perhaps in a public place and try to work through your frustrations? After all, she is your mother and perhaps just wants to see her parents watch her baby girl walk down the aisle especially if they were there when you were born. As for the other grandparent, my grandmother who was like a mother to me growing up now has Alzheimers and unfortunately as of two weeks ago, we had to check her into an Alzheimers care center which has helped her alot but none the less, she will not be able to be at the wedding but wouldn't remember or maybe even know where she is anyway which would be the same for any victim of that disease so that shouldn't be an issue. Any relatives cousins, uncles, aunts should understand if it's just the grandparents.

Katie - if you do not want to invite your grandparents then don't that is your choice to make. It seems like you had your mind made up before you even finished typing your question. I think pp made some valid points about having grandparents at your wedding. Personally, I agree that grandparents should be there, but I also agree that not everyone has the same familial relationships that I have.

I would however, be prepared for the fact that your mom may just show up with them anyway. I know it's no what you ideally would like, but we all made sacrifices in having our dream weddings. Just keep in mind that it may happen, and that someone you are inviting will not be able to make it, and in the end the number of guests will even out to 40. Also, keep a positive attitude on your wedding day and don't let it ruin your day. We had "that" relative at our wedding as well, I think everyone does. You need to learn how to let the complaining roll of your back.

Maybe you could keep it to adults only? Have the children stay at one of your siblings homes with a baby sitter? They would probably have more fun watching a movie or video games than at a sit down dinner. Would that open up some chairs?

IMO, your best bet is to have an adults only wedding and invite your grandparents. We're doing the same type of wedding - beach ceremony and reception at a restaurant, max of 25 people. For your gma, invite one person who is her "caretaker", and that's it. You don't need to explain yourself to anyone, especially if you're paying for it.

How many kids are on your guest list? I have about 30 kids im cutting off my guest list alone. When it comes to families, you do not need to invite kids. You definitely do not need to worry about a babysitter for other peoples kids - thats for the parents to worry about. im sure with enough time they will be able to find a sitter for a few hours to be at your wedding.

Also, your Grandparent who is - who knows maybe they'll decline?

I agree- I would do adults only- the only kids who are coming to mine are the ring bearers and flower girls. I have 2 of each and 3 of them are mine! hehe the other is my FH's niece. That would save you a few people and you would be able to invite grandparents.