VENT!!!!!!

@Candy T although i agree with you, it sounds like her mom may be planning to bring them regardless of the guest list. So unless she is prepared to actually turn them away if they show up she may have to rethink the guest list

I agree- maybe make it "adults only" ...would that free up some spots...or perhaps "family" only and not invite the four friends...then you can invite FH's grandparents too

I agree with some of the other people. You can't leave grandparents out. It would be very insulting to them. They are really a close family member. Now the one with Alzheimers is a different story as she would need a caregiver so I can see not inviting her. Depending on how far along she is she either won't know or care. If she is not far along you can explain things to her and possibly have someone video the ceremony so she can see it when you visit with her. If all this means you find another reception location then so be it.... your wedding is far off. Do the right thing.

I understand completely. My guest list is only 19--ceremony at church and then the restaurant. One step up from the JOP. We made the concession that we would at least have our parents there and not just a couple of witnesses, but had to draw the line somewhere. And you know what? It's our party and we get to invite who we want to. We'll have our parents, two of our four siblings (the other two are "invited" but won't make the trip), our kids, three of our closest friends, and associated spouses. We didn't invite aunts, uncles, cousins, or grandparents, even though I'm quite close to my whole family, because **it's not that kind of an event.** Some call it catty, I call it crowd control. I'm fortunate that they understand, and I hope yours eventually will too.

I'm having an 11 guest wedding and initially left my grandparents off the list. However, my mother reminded me that this would have caused a ridiculous amount of drama. We took friends off the list and added family. Inviting no kids also helped. While I agree that it's your wedding and you should invite who you want, it sounds like not inviting the grandparents is just not going to fly. And I disagree strongly with anyone who has told you that you should invite more than your venue can hold. That's just asking for trouble.

The only time I can see leaving a grandparent out is if the wedding is done very quickly for whatever reason and therefore only a few people are invited. However, when something is being planned months in advance it is insulting to most grandparents who are in their grandchildren's lives to not be invited. You will know what I mean when you are closer to that age.

Ok let me explain something because I feel like you all think I am heartless because all I am seeing is "OMG I can't imagine not having my GANDPARENTS come!"

Not everyone has the same relationship with their granparents ok. I LOVE my grandparents... both sets... but I don't have the relationship with them where we talk on the phone all the time and I really only see them once a year.

FH's dad is not even coming ok.... Only his mom and his sister as far as family.... which is why he is having more friends come that have been close to him like family... Like I said, with my siblings and their families that is like 20 people....The four mutual friends that are coming are friends that have been with both of us through our whole relationship and watched it grow and are actually IN the wedding. So they are coming! that leave about 15 people for FH.. and this is his party too not just mine!

If I invite my moms parents, I will have to invite my dads mom. If I invite her, she will need care so then I will have to invite my aunt or uncle... and how can I invite one without the other... and their families and then also my aunt on my moms side... this is why I originally wanted to go to the JOP but of course my mom talked me out of that and now I am actually excited about my small.... VERY SMALL wedding... but it's just a lot of stress that I don't need....

oh and btw if moms parents came.. all grandma would do would be complain about EVERYTHING... not to mention she's kind of racist and FH is not white so that's another thing I don't need to worry about

And I can't say no kids because then my sister wouldn't be able to come... and if I let her kids come, I can't tell my other siblings that they can't bring their kids!

Oh and as far as finding another location... I am doing it at a restaurant and this is the one I want... the one that fits into my budget and the one that i WANT... it's perfect, I am excited about it... and that's it!

Katie, I'm not sure if you've considered this, but is it possible to have a babysitter/babysitting service for your nieces and nephews if you would like to make room for more adults? (Grandparents filling those spots or not...)

To be honest, I'm leaving certain members of my family out. My dad has two brothers, but I'm only inviting one. The Uncle I'm excluding and his wife are COMPLETE pills (putting it lightly). I don't feel bad in the least about it. They are horrible to my mom and others, are insensitive and self-righteous. They'd probably try to convert my guests to follow Meher Baba... Some family just don't belong.

Is it a matter of money, space or personal preference? If it's money or space, those are pretty easy arguments. If it's money - you could always tell your mom that if she's willing to pay for all 3 grandparents, you'd love to have them there, otherwise, you're sorry but you can't include them. If it's personal preference... good luck! Those arguments are hard, I know... you may have to work with her a little there.

Gonna have to go the opposite this. Grandparents should be invited. I know it's frustrating because you limited space, but I think you can cut of the guest list at Grandparents. As for mom bringing her anyways, not sure what to tell you about that one.

Ok but as I have said, if I invite granparents it would be impossible for me to cut off the guest list there.... My aunt or uncle would have to come with my grandma... and of course if I invite one, i can't tell the other that they can't come... the place I am having dinner has 40 seats. It's a banquet room in a hibachi style restaurant... which by the way my grandma would complain about... because she complains about everything... no that's not why I am not inviting her... but I'm just saying why should I make all this effort to move around my whole guest list... uninvite someone that i actually really want to be there.. just so she can come and complain about how she doesn't like Japanese food, and she would probably say something along the lines of "oh, i guess since "THEY" are Asain, we all have to eat what they want" referring to FH and his family... because she is rude like that... continued....

And then she would complain about how everyone is being too loud... because anytime she sees people having fun and enjoying themselves she thinks they are being too loud... do i really want to uninvite one of my good friends who has been closer to family to Victor and I from the beginning and I know would appreciate the food and entertainment for that?

And to those of you who keep saying "grandparents HAVE to come" is that because maybe you have a different relationship with your grandparents? and if I were just going to go to the JOP would it be wrong not to invite grandparents who live halfway across the country because like I have said... this is just a step up from doing that...

It sounds like I have a similar relationship to my grandparents that you do. I never talk to them other than at family gatherings maybe 1-2 times a year. My grandmother complains about everything. I know she won't like the ceremony (it's not Catholic), she'll hate being out on the beach, she won't eat any of the food, she'll complain about the drive, and lord knows what else. And as I said earlier, they weren't even initially invited, we had planned on inviting some friends instead. I've realized that sometimes you just have to suck things up and deal with it when it comes to family. In the end, it's your choice, but be prepared for the drama that may erupt.

Well really, either way there is going to be drama... if I invite them and then not my other grandma (which would need care) than my whole family on my dad's side is going to be mad at me... if I don't invite either grandparents, my dads side would completely understand... but my mom will have a fit... so I guess it's just which side do I want to be mad at me lol

If you were going to the JP and were inviting people to join you, then I would say to invite your grandparents, regardless of anything. If you hadn't talked to them in over 5 years, it would be different, but you stated yourself that you see them once a year, therefor you still have a relationship with them. If you don't want to invite them, then don't, but don't expect to have a relationship with them after the wedding. They helped create you. Without them, you wouldn't be alive, and yeah, I take that pretty seriously. So what if she's going to complain? Have a conversation with her before saying that just so you know, the food is going to be Japanese because thats what fh and I enjoy.. if you don't think you'll like it, you might want to eat a little before. That should shut her up in regards to the food. Also, warn her that it will probably be loud and that maybe she should bring ear plugs so she will be able to enjoy it. lol. cont..

We all have party poopers that we have to invite because of who they are to us. Also, I don't see why your brother who is close to your grandma can't help take care of her? But if that isn't the case, then yes, I would invite one person who is the best helper to come with her. I would probably contact that family member first and ask if they would be willing to come so your grandma could be there. Also, let them know that while you would love to have all of your family there, there just isn't room, and thats why the rest won't be invited. (say it more tactfully though). Then if they agree to come, send just them the invite. I would be less worried about what aunts and uncles think than the grandparents. I only talk to my grandma about 2 times a year... but man I couldn't imagine her hurt if I hadn't invited her to my wedding. She probably would have never spoke to me again. If you're willing to deal with that.... then do what you want. I think that we on ww simply want cont.

You to understand that while not inviting them might not seem like a big deal to you, it will mean the world to them.

So... even though my grandma is going to come and insult my whole wedding AND my fh and his family's culture? I'm just supposed to deal with that so their feelings don't get hurt? it's ok that FH and his mom's feelings are gonna be hurt? thats ok? just as long as grandma is happy??

Like I said, the reason I am not inviting them is NOT because my grandma is a very difficult and mean person... but because I have a very limited guest list, and already have it written it, the fact that she is kind of mean doesn't really make me want to move everything around and make changes just so she can come and be... well mean...

and btw let me just be clear that I am only speaking about her... my grandfather (her husband) doesn't care in the least that they aren't invited... he doesn't like to travel anyway... he just wants us to make a trip up there sometime after the wedding and have our own little celebration... like a big family dinner or something