To Change Your Last Name Or Not To Change Your Last Name...that Is The Question

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Thank you for the feedback.

I personally do not feel it is fair to expect a woman to change her last name upon marriage. Quite frankly, I think it is ridiculous. If you’re all for it, kudos to you. I will not be changing my lastname. My name has nothing to do with my love for my soon to be husband.

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Can you elaborate on why you think it is ridiculous?

I'm changing my name because I want to. There was never a time when I thought I wouldnt change my last name. I don't feel like its losing my identity or like he owns me by me changing it.
We're partners in life and I want to share the partnership to the fullest. I also want our children to share our last name.

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I love this comment!

View Quoted Comment I think it’s ridiculous to expect someone to take on their partner’s name after marriage just because it’s “tradition.” We can still be in love without sharing a last name. We can still be family without sharing a last name.

Hyphenating or taking both last names. I have animal ownership and a business attached to my maiden. I want us to be united but I need to easily access things with my maiden.

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I think from a practical standpoint, especially with the new laws regarding "real IDs" it is ridiculous to expect it. I just moved from California to Ohio. It took me months to get all of the appropriate paperwork in order to prove that I am who I say I am in order to update my ID. I had an Ohio DL at one point prior to my CA move so they still had my maiden name in their system. It was a horrific mess. Imagine years from now having to re-prove who you are and somehow very specific documentation has come up missing. Then having to navigate different bureaucratic bull in order to get copies.

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I agree!

Also, I've had this name for 32 years. It's such a part of my identity. And it's cool!

Why would I change it because of some tradition that's steeped in patriarchal views that I am vehemently against?

The way I see it is this, if sharing a name is so important to couples, why don't more men change theirs?

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Thank you for the clarification.

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That's a good question. I wish there were more men on this site to respond.

View Quoted Comment Same here. I just want to share the same name with my husband. I think it's weird to not have the same name unless there's a reason and for some that could just simply be because they don't want to. But personally I like the idea of sharing his last name. 😊

I am changing my last name simply because I want to. I like the idea of sharing last names. I am changing my middle name to my maiden name.

I’m changing my name. It’s important to him and I want to have his name. Mine is very long and very German. It’s a pain to spell constantly. I do have to admit that I will miss it a bit.

Still deciding on hyphenating or taking FH’s completely. I’ve talked to my brother about it and the way he puts it is that our kids are gonna have his last name and me changing my name doesn’t make me any less of a family member. FH wants me to take his, but he hasn’t made a stink about me hyphenating. I guess it’s just so odd that I’ll have to change my signature!

View Quoted Comment Exactly this. Something will fall through the cracks. We will move after marriage and I'll start a new job and grad school as my maiden name because we don't want to change it before honeymoon (passports). So we decided to not change the name.

I did not change my name! Initially I planned on it, but literally the moment I heard the pastor say "Mr. and Mrs. Spoelstra" I immediately cringed inside. I decided to use both our names on social media and whatnot, but I'm not legally changing it. I've always been independent, so that may be part of it, but the thought of changing my name was consistent with changing my whole identity, in my mind. Maybe things will change if we decide to have children, but for now, I'm happy with my own name.

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I enjoy sharing my husbands last name.

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Whichever you decide you'll still have to change your signature

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I'm happy that you're happy with your decision.