To Change Your Last Name Or Not To Change Your Last Name...that Is The Question

I am a first time bride at 44 and built a career with my maiden name. My FH said he would be fine if I wanted to hyphenate but I'm excited to officially share the last name with him and his boys....and his ex-wife. Lol I am using my maiden name as my middle name so that people can find me or know it is me. I have a unique maiden name so if I use my full name on social media including LinkedIn, it should be fine. It's hard enough becoming a step-mother. It will be easier for the boys to view me as their family if we share a last name. In fact, I'm actually glad that the ex-wife has kept the last name because it joins us all as one big family. I dont judge anyone for keeping their maiden name but it's not for me. If you are strong in your identity, how could anyone view you as "property"? I guess it just comes down to preference. It will be a hassle but worth it. We are planning a sand ceremony with the boys so I bought a glass canister with "Hopkins Family" and date of our marriage on it to represent when we officially became a family. The boys will pick their colors. Unfortunately, the oldest one likes hot pink. Lol Oh well

I've decided to change my last name,BUT I'm keeping my full original name.I originally planned on dropping my middle name as tradition calls,but I love my middle name.Ive always wanted to give my future daughter my middle name,but I may not be able to have children. I want to keep my middle name.My new name will be a reflection of me.Another chapter added to my life.(First Middle Maiden NewLast)

Yes that it is!

View Quoted Comment That was very beautifully put. I never thought of it this way. I also see it as property. But I never thought about what my fh thinks. I'm like you, I dont see him seeing me as his property. He says he wants to be as one. The closer I get to wedding, I'm getting used to the idea of my new last name. My father abandoned us when I was 12. I always wanted to change my last name. I never had an attachment to it. I work for a schools and cant wait for the kids to call me by my new last name. But thank you for these kind words.

View Quoted Comment Anna, I’m glad to hear you found beauty in those words, and also that you have found a man that you love and loves you. I hope your wedding day is the best day yet, but that you and your FH also create a strong marriage that makes your wedding day pale in comparison!
And I’m very excited to be called by my new name, I even signed my dinner bill today under my new name haha.

I'm changing my last name. I actually do not have a blood connection to my last name. My mom was a divorced single mother. Therefore, her last name was not her maiden name, and my biological, deadbeat father was not her ex-husband. So I essentially got her abusive ex-husband's surname that she still carries. I might have felt differently about a name change if the situation was not what it is. I'm ready to shed that name and embrace a clean one.

I haven't changed my name yet and it's mainly because of my children. My husband doesn't mind at all. He says he's happy I married him and the name doesn't matter. I will probably change it when my kids are grown. 🤷‍♀️

I am not changing my name and my FH is ok with that. We don’t plan on having kids which is another reason and I’m attached to it. Mine is more sentimental to me that my dad passed and i feel like keeping his name keeps me closer to him. May sound crazy to some but as long as my FH and I agree it works for me.

I am going to hyphenate my last name. I love my last name and does have a special meaning to me. You have to do what is best/right for you. It what you feel comfortable with.

View Quoted Comment

A few women have told me that.

View Quoted Comment

November is a few months away so I would say continue to consider your options. It is a lot of paperwork to change your last name but it is possible. You can also hyphenate if you don't want to change your last name completely.

View Quoted Comment

A nice compromise is to hyphenate.

View Quoted Comment

Congrats!!!!!! It's never too late for love.

View Quoted Comment

I'm glad you found a compromise that works best for you.

View Quoted Comment Oh gosh... that would not be a very pretty name with our last names. Both of our names are very long and kind of silly sounding. I intend on taking his. My excitement for sharing his name outweighs my sadness for saying goodbye to my own. It’s just a struggle balancing the two emotions together, is what I meant! I think it’s normal to be a little sad but very excited at the same time!

View Quoted Comment

I also work at a school and my students began calling me by my husband's last name months before the wedding.

View Quoted Comment

Amen sister!

View Quoted Comment

How long have you been married?

View Quoted Comment

It dosesn't sound crazy, I'm glad you are doing what works for you and your future husband.

View Quoted Comment

I agree with you, do what feels right to you.