Sister Drama-she won't come to the wedding

@ Romona, maturity does matter when one is posting a question on what to do in a situation. If a poster is being immature/bratty/etc, they're not going to appriciate any advice that is direct and honest, and will most likely not care to share the whole story, often because they fear or know, they are being as such (Not saying OP is or isn't being bratty, just in general)

Jessica....Stand your ground. This will all blow over with time, and as Ramona said, a lunch.

I still don't quite understand why anyone would want to bring a 6 week old newborn to a room crowded with folks enjoying the bar and playing pass around the baby. Being a germphobe, this is what has me going, EW! It is not an appropriate place to bring a newborn, imho.

Leaving the baby.....Did she take the baby to her first ob/gyn appointment?

I had big celebrations for both my daughters' Baptisms. I had an open bar and DJ. However, I kept them both in their bassinette(sp) in a separate room, and hired someone to look over them in case I didn't hear the monitor. Yes, I remained sober for the evening.

@ FMS...While I understand this, I still think calling her a child and telling her she is being selfish is demeaning and not helpful to the situation. I think that her feelings are hurt about the situation and that the two of them are in different places in their lives. I haven't been on the site for very long, but I have seen several VENTING posts, and I think some of what she wrote is acutally venting to others about how she is feeling, and not a sign of immaturity.

It sounds like you obviously have some unresolved issues with your sister and BIL. And this whole "I'm bringing my baby" RSVP just was the icing on the cake. I am also having a "no children " wedding- besides the RB and FGs. But my FHs nephew (who is 7 months) will be there. I have no problem with it at all- they just moved up here and EVERYONE is going to be at the wedding. So they have no babysitter- just because they have no sitter I would never shun away my FBIL because he has no sitter. YES we all know it's YOUR big day and do as you please. But it's not like it's some friends baby ... it's your niece. I'm just saying ... and who cares if people are like "waaa how come she got to bring her baby and I couldn't" OH well- you're the bride, what YOU says goes. End of story. You don't have to answer to no one ...

@ Carole, I have to disagree about it blowing over. From what I currently have read about her sister (which is ALOT like mine) She'll probably hang on to this for a very long time and use it as ammo in future disagreements. And not every new parent does the whole 'pass the baby deal'
@ Romona, I don't recall anyone calling her immature, but I do recall seeing someone ask if she was. But my mind is going a million miles an hour with other stuff, so I could have missed that post.

My advice to you is to let your sister bring her child to your wedding. your sister is still your sister. if it were me i would regret it later on in life, and this wont be a good feeling when you look back at pictures and not see your sister there. what does your FH say about all of this?

Good point Elizabeth, what does FH have to say about it? And you might regret not having her there later on.

He thinks I should back down and let her bring the baby. I do not call my sister, because neither one of us can have a conversation without raising our voices, so I prefer to just text her. I sent her a message, telling her how uncomfortable I was around babies, and that my wish is not to have any near me on my wedding day. But if she was going to the extreme of involving our parents, than I had no other choice. I believe I said "Since I have no say in my own wedding...." I'm sure it came off as a bit bitchy, but I was outraged when I sent it. I know her and I have both exchanged words with each other out of anger. We fuel off of each other.

Do you want a relationship with your niece/nephew?

I dont want kids at my wedding also, but if it means them not coming at all i would rather have them there with the kids then not at all. I do have children in my bridal party ranging from the age of 3-13. They will be at the wedding, and the reception. My FH family, I think has a belief that they must have 3 kids of more. This is the reason that I dont want kids because his family alone we would be paying for over 100 kids. He has a large family. I hope you work it out. You only get married once, and its your sister. Family is most important

You and your sister need to sit down and talk face to face about this. There is a lot more to this than her wanting to bring her baby to your wedding. I do not always get along with my sisters, and I personally HATE my sister's husband, but I would regret it if even one of my sisters did not come to my wedding. You have to decide what is more important, your no kids rule or your relationship with your sister and, by extension, the rest of your family.

Five hours is a lot to ask for a mother to be away from her newborn. She will still need to pump and does your venue have a place where she will be able to store the milk or will that go to waste? Newborns really don't make all that much noise. They eat, they sleep, they poop. Mostly, they sleep and your sister would probably be too tired to stay the whole time anyway. One thing is asking that children that run around not be taken and another is asking that a child who can't walk, talk, or eat "normal" food yet not be allowed to attend. But hey, its your wedding as you say.

Personally, I've been preparing more for my marriage and new family than I have for the wedding. The wedding is one day. Your sister and the new baby are a lifetime relationship. Which is more important to you?

I think your sister was out of line with the way that she RSVP'd. She had prior notice that you did not want children there, and just because she's your sister, she shouldn't assume her child was an exception, newborn or not. Like you said, she doesn't have to stay the whole time, her coming to the ceremony can mean just as much; especially when you know that she has a newborn at home. It's seems like this situation is just adding fuel to an already intense fire. If I were you, I would stick to my guns, let her know that she and her husband are welcome, and that you understand that she can't stay the whole time, but under no circumstances are any children allowed. You have the right to set the tone for your wedding, and she has to either get over it or get under it. Be the bigger person and don't allow anything or anyone ruin a day that you only have once. Best of luck to all of you.

So then if your FH says to allow the baby then allow the baby. that is why we have our other half for, to help us realize when we are doing something wrong. he knows the story more then us. it is not like the baby is going to be sitting next to you the whole night! you are making it seem like you will have to be taking care of the baby.

I nursed all three of my children and yes it can be done to leave them for a few hours. I have chosen not to attend weddings when my children are small because I do not feel its is the best place for them. Especially if alcohol is served. Just my opinion.

I think you need to evaulate what type of relationship you want with your sister and sit down with her and see if you can work it out. Family will always be family. Like it or not. Trust me I have a lot of those not like it days with my siblings.

I think you need some counselling. Saying something like "Since I have no say in my own wedding...." is passive-aggressive and does not help your relationships with others. Maybe you and your sister should see a therapist together to work out your problems.

I've been following these posts. Although I do understand that you don't want children at your wedding, it seems to me that winning this battle with your sister might be very important to you. You can rest assure that your sister and bil will have much less of a great time at your wedding than the other guests if they bring the baby. If fh and you decide to allow them to bring the baby, think about them having to feed, comfort, care for that baby while all of your other guests are dancing and enjoying their evening. SHE will be losing, not you. If you allow the baby to come, you will be the hero here.

Please think about picking your battles. A 6 month old baby will not ruin your wedding, I can promise you that.

Making peace with your sister is important...maybe when things simmer down...you can reach a compromise....one that works for you both. i used to have big fights with my baby sister...she and i also had amazingly great times and took wonderful trips together....two weeks ago she was killed in a car accident...only 23 years old...now..those times we fought seem very trivial. so...if you can work something out between you....whatever you decide....looking back one day....you will see that it was worth the effort.

Jessica - take a step back and think about the future. My husband and his brother were never close, but we asked him to be an usher anyway and he agreed. The week before our invitations went out, they had a huge falling out and I was told not to send him the invite. After much discussions, my husband realized that if there was any hope of a relationship in the future, he needed to be the bigger person, send the invite and let his brother decide what was important to HIM. Unfortunately, even after we sent the invite, he (and his family) opted not to come. The week of the wedding was really hard for my husband, there were constant comments about his brother not cont...

Being there and now I don't know if the relationship will ever be repaired. It's a huge deal if your sibling doesn't come to the wedding! Just take some time and think about the future vs the emotions now.