Shower with HoneyFund, no gifts?

Obviously they can do what they want, but I'd refuse to host a shower. Showers are for all the practical (boring?) gifts. Weddings are for the cash, IMO.

And what is she going to open at her shower??

Tell her no. If she wants this she needs to find someone else to host her shower, because that is just rude!

We're asking for donations to our honeymoon as gifts as we really do have a cluttered houseful of stuff and don't need anything else other than the wonderful memories from a great honeymoon.

However, if people want to give us something else instead we certainly wouldn't be turning it down and would be grateful for whatever they were generous enough to give us.

My grandparents for example have given us money but insist that it goes on something we can keep, rather than towards the honeymoon. There's nothing we want, but we'll have to think of something!

I wouldn't push her to register for stuff she doesn't want just for the sake of it, as actually it would be rather awful as a guest to find you'd bought a gift that really wasn't wanted. I would say that maybe a bridal shower isn't appropriate though if there are no actual gifts being showered, but then we don't have them in the UK at all anyway so I'm not sure I really get what the point of them is...

It actually says on her invitation that she has a registry at HoneyFund. I thought this meant I could buy her items for her honeymoon (bags, shoes, maps, sun glasses, bikini)

Shower not necessary.

You don't host a shower. What she is doing is very rude and extremely tacky. Don't have a shower.

Sometimes you women are great but other times i really dont understand you. Its not rude to have a bridal shower with no gifts, unless its a regular shower in which case it would just be awkward. You can have a themed shower, or like a recipe shower, lingerie shower, "stock the bar" shower. It doesnt have to be all about the boring kitchen gadgets. If all she wants is money, fine. Give her money, and host a shower for her with a specific theme. Have the guests give something other than wedding presents. Geez, ladies, lighten up a little.

Agree with above. A shower is for physical gifts. If she doesn't want/need anything then no shower. It's that easy.

Another idea that I tossed around was a recipe shower. My FH and I live together already and have all the house stuff that we need. My great aunt really, really wanted to have a shower so were going with the recipe theme... everyone bring their favorite 1 or 2 to share and the host makes a book for the bride.

JulyBride- there are people that will never ever give money for anything. And it is very rude to ask for money. VERY RUDE. In this situation, the MIL just needs to not host a shower.

Linda,

If you don't mind, I would like to ask if your future DIL asked for you to throw her a shower, or are you taking it upon yourself to do it for her...

This is the reason for my question. I am also doing a honeyfund, and my FMIL is throwing me a Bridal Tea. I had my honeyfund set up wayyyy before she approached me and asked me if she could throw this Tea/Shower. I told them that I did not want any showers, teas, engagement parties, nothing. All I wanted was the wedding. They kept pestering me for the Tea so I gave in, however, just because she got her wishes and is throwing me a tea, does not mean that I should have to change my initial decision and do a registry.

So if she asked for you to throw the shower for her because she wants one, and you do not agree with her registry decision, then I think it would be ultimately up to if you wanted to cancel the shindig and not throw it for her. However, in my case, I am standing my ground. If my MIL wants to cancel it, I would be A-Okay with it!

Just a thought for a compromise. If you want the bride to open up gifts, and she just wants the honeyfund, then maybe have the guests bring their Secret Recipe they could share. Print it up, and also bring the "Secret Ingredient" . Inside the Card could be the voucher for the Honeyfund or the gift, but she could announce the Recipe and the Secret Ingredient to everyone. This very well could be lame, but I am just trying to Think Out of the Box! Good Luck

It sounds like the shower has already been planned and you just received an invite (aka not hosting). If that's the case, I don't think pushing her to register for physical gifts will make a difference. You could contribute to her honeyfund and then buy her a physical gift of your choosing for the honeymoon, like the items you mentioned above. That would be something that would make you both happy, and I hope that she would graciously accept it.

If the shower is not yet planned, I like the idea of a theme shower, like stock the bar or recipes, that other posters have mentioned. The theme and the honeyfund registry could both be listed on the invites and people could purchase either or.

I agree with JulyBride. I think it is kind of you to offer a shower but rude of her to only ask for cash. I think her suggestion is a nice compromise. My mom's friends threw me a shower and although we aren't registered anywhere and would prefer cash we created a small registry. I put sheets and towels...things we could upgrade but wouldn't buy ourselves.

On wedding website we listed we aren't registered but put favorite stores/restaurant and charities.

Well then Michelle, if they dont want to give money, then they dont have to. But if the OP gave a recipe shower, what's so wrong with showing up with a card and a recipe? If someone would honestly get so offended by a lack of a registry that they would boycott any type of shower at all, then they dont need to be invited to the wedding either. Not everyone likes tons of gifts. Someone else's choices shouldnt bother anybody to the point of offense. Yes, its rude to ask for money. NO, it is NOT rude to have a themed shower for things other than gifts. If you find it rude, DONT GO! Its that simple!

I think it is a little rude to insist on gifts, but I don't think it's your place to tell her she HAS to make a small registry. Ultimately, this is just going to cause strain in your relationship and likely, in your and your son's relationship.

I echo LoveMrGreen's question above: did you volunteer to host her shower or did she ask you to? If she asked you, you are perfectly within your right to ask her to find another host, that you don't feel comfortable hosting the party. If you are throwing it to be nice, you can't really have a set of demands that come along with it.

My advice to you would be to mention to your son how these things usually go, and that it might be embarrassing for him/his fiancee if they are only asking for money. I think even though this is a "bridal" shower, it reflects just as much on your son and he would be the more appropriate person to talk to about it.

Ultimately if they are rude and demand cash, it doesn't look bad on you - either people won't mind, or they will be the ones who end up looking bad the end of it all.

I am not hosting. I was shocked to see that she only wanted to do HoneyFund, but insisted on a shower. I have discussed doing a small registry, but she responded with different gift suggestions, such as guests buying vases for the reception or the guest book... that was also concerning.

I guess I wasn't sure if etiquette has changed.

Your FDIL sounds odd to me. She wants a shower, but only wants money in her Honeyfund bank account, universe, thing.

Do you know the hosts? I'd be curious to see who is hosting and what their plans are to fill that time if there are no gifts to open.

Showers have changed some as far as theme but the etiquette hasn't changed. Typically, cash is given as a choice, and not as a sole option (like what your FDIL) is doing.

If it were me and that's what she did, if I did go to the shower, I'd get her a gift that had no gift receipt and no tag on it whatsoever so that way she wouldn't be able to return it because she won't even know where it came from.

That's what you get when you only ask for "cash" from me and not give me any other option

@Rusticbride - I would knit her a dishcloth - can't return handmade, lol

I pay people to DIY through Etsy, so that wouldn't work for me HAHAHAHA.

What about a honeymoon shower? Lingerie, sunscreen, bathing suits etc.

If you're not hosting, it doesn't seem worth it to me to argue with her over it. Just get her something for the wedding (her guestbook?) and move on. I don't think this is so bad, as 2 of the champagne flutes we registered for will be used at our wedding (I really have no use for engraved flutes I will use once).

It may be bad etiquette to host a honeyfund-only shower (and you will see opinions running the gamut on that), but I would really pick your battles. If you're not hosting then it definitely doesn't look bad on you.