Shower with HoneyFund, no gifts?

Your FDIL sounds demanding and ungrateful. I would like to know how she will react when people show up to the shower with a blender or other household item instead of money or something for the wedding - will she freak out and demand that they donate to her honeymoon? Not everyone will want to give money at a shower. She needs to realize that these are *gifts* and she shoul be grateful for anything she receives even if it's not what she wants.

I would be really confused if I was invited to a shower but there wasn't a physical gift registry or even a theme like lingerie. I'd give cash for the wedding, but id prob end up buying a toaster or something for the shower. She will prob end up getting a lot of random shit she doesn't need. Doesn't make sense.

She may be the one saying "no gifts".. but ultimately, it's up to the guest to decide what to bring her. I'd like to see how many people actually purchase a "HoneyFund" gift for a shower. If I were invited to that shower, and was told there is no registry - just a HoneyFund, I would just go and get a gift of MY choosing, and the bride could suck it up. No one tells me what to buy them as a GIFT! A registry is helpful if you don't want duplicates/items you already have or won't use.

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Clearly this is an old post but I have to respond bc I just can across it... Throw them a "Honeymoon Shower..." Send out tickets as invites, have everyone dress up in beach attire (or something themed to their destination) and have food and drinks themed the same way. The fact is that with a Honeyfund guest actually print out what they're gifting and give you the $$ for it, so technically they are "showering" the bride with gifts! Then whey the couple takes the vacation, they take pics of all the great things they were able to do and send them in the thank you notes. How is that not tangible? I would much rather pay for someone to swim with dolphins that buy them new pots and pans, especially if they don't them!

Whether they'll be lying on the beach or swooshing down the slopes, tie in the decorations, invitations, and music to their big trip. Make invitations that look like boarding passes, and ask guests to dress in vacation-appropriate clothing. Cocktails and fun food are key to this theme since they'll help guests get in the spirit.

I know this is old, but it could still happen today... I feel like if she just wants money than that is totally fine. Maybe she has all of the traditional gifts that are one registries and doesn't want to clutter her house. Weddings are ridiculously expensive and I would love all of my gifts to be money because then I can spend it on things i need instead of things people thought I needed.

Plus I would love to have a shower with games and activities. I do not plan on opening any of my gifts at my shower because I think it is extremely embarrassing when you open something that you already have or need or don't want and have to lie to the person who gave it to you and say you love it. That is too fake in my opinion.

If you aren't the one hosting the bridal shower, I don't really think you have a say in any of it. I don't mean to be rude, but it isn't your shower. If guest think it is rude of your FDIL to just ask for money, then it's no skin off your back? In the end, if she had a registry, what is stopping her from taking everything back or selling it and getting cash from it anyway? I think everyone needs to respect her wishes. If you look back on this five years from now, this won't even matter.

"In place of a traditional gift please bring a recipe for your favorite dish or your recipe for marital bliss, or both!

If you would like to contribute towards items for their home, you can find their honeyfund here:"

You can also include context at the beginning like "Since (her name) will be moving out of state, in place of a traditional gift..." if it's appropriate.

You can read the recipes and advice during the gift time. The givers can also tell a story about where they learned the recipe, what their husband liked to eat most or share why it became their favorite. They can also share anecdotes about their marital advice. This allows them to share something physical but it's more related to sharing stories and experiences in the moment.

In the honeyfund, you can create a narrative for why you chose the items you did for your "wish list". Include the guest's experience in the narrative.

"We look forward to inviting family and friends to personal housewarming dinners when we settle into their new home together."

"We hope to create a warm welcoming home where we can invite family and friends, spending time one on one with them, sharing stories, laughter, and building our new home on the relationships we share together."

Then note how each item category will help. For example:

Dinnerware Fund - "Help us serve our visitors dinner in style"

Kitchen Fund - "Help us buy cookware and appliances so we can enjoy homecooked meals together"

Dining Room Fund - "Help us provide space at the table for our dinner guests"

Lighting Fund - "Help us provide atmosphere for those quiet evenings"

Living Room Set Fund "Help us buy a cozy couch and chair for sharing long chats together"

Bathroom Fund - "Help us acquire essentials for a fresh and tidy bathroom"

Bedroom Set Fund - "Help us buy a sturdy bedroom set for resting from the long day"

Bedding Fund - "Help us buy a comfortable bedding set so we can recharge for the new day"

*If you are more social, you can make it a couch bed to include that you want to accommodate them staying over to visit overnight more comfortably as well.

Give the fund options a variety of cost between 20-150 to accommodate common bridal shower and wedding gift price norms if you are using it for multiple purposes. You can add "gift any amount" at the end as a polite alternative if they have a specific gift and amount in mind that they want to contribute towards.

You can always note that they can contact the bridal shower coordinator if they have any questions. Some people may have traditional items they always bring and they can always call and ask if they are concerned about it being too big to take in a carry-on, or if they need an address to ship it to. They may just bring it either way and that's ok. It is your duty to solve it in that situation but it's also ok to ask for recipes or advice in place of gifts with the option to contribute to the fund.

Etiquette has to evolve with the needs and techniques of society. There are a lot of old traditions that have been lost with time as they become less useful or relevant. When I lived in Korea, they just gave envelopes filled with cash to weddings (not sure about bridal showers there) and that was the appropriate traditional gift. Every culture approaches these events in a different way. Don't stress, just consider that the experience of showering the bride on that day and time is the point. Wisdom and knowledge are shareable gifts too. Honeyfund suggests having a few small items on a connected registry for the strong traditionalists which is a great solution as well.

Sharing what was contributed to the honeyfund focuses a lot on money which is where things get awkward since it doesn't relate to an experience or emotion and creates a feeling of comparison between the givers. Just send a private thank you when someone contributes to the honeyfund. But don't expect them to use it either. Just like you can't expect convenient physical gifts. It's about helping them know and feel that whatever option you share respects the point of the event.

View Quoted Comment I love this!

Hi Linda, i don't think there is anything wrong with doing a honeyfund. I personally would gift money vs pretending like I'm buying an excursion or something.
As for the shower, if you are hosting it. My family did a "date night" shower. It was low-key, actually a surprise, and the gifts received were items we could partake on date night. We received a mini webber grill, picnic items, movie gift cards, restaurant gift cards, cookbooks, etc. it was all really sweet and not connected to our registry.

View Quoted Comment

Do what makes the bride/groom happy!

A shower is for gifts. No one can dictate what guests give if anything. If the couple doesn't want gifts, they don't get a shower. But they must accept any gifts graciously with prompt thank yous.

I would not host this shower. This is extremely poor etiquette. Send her any of miss manners articles if you like

View Quoted Comment It is rude to ask for money outright though. Shower or any other function. I personally would pass and not host the event in which my name is tied to an ideal I can’t get behind.

View Quoted Comment Since when is a shower about physical gifts and/or requiring a theme? Did it ever occur to anyone that we can host celebrations for the sake of celebrating? Our arbitrary social constructs can take a back seat and the bride to be can enjoy a party with family and friends. Dare I suggest men can attend too?