Secretly getting legally married but hiding it because of the upcoming ceremony.

View Quoted Comment Um sorry Cassidy it is the entire conversation.

View Quoted Comment The couple's life is private right up to the point they proclaim they are getting married when in fact public records say they are already married. To me just let your guests decide. The one's you really want there should be there regardless because it's a celebration. However to have some folks moving heaven and Earth for something you know some folks have a problem with is a complete deception. The responses and varied opinions clearly display that some folks have an issue with this situation.

Okay, whatever. I’m done with this conversation.

View Quoted Comment 😊 Good move

I don't get why you have to spill the beans and say it's a vow renewal. I mean, technically it is, but they may have had reasons for doing it and hiding it that nobody needs to know. If they consider it their wedding day in their minds, then it is. They may celebrate that day as their anniversary and not the courthouse date.

View Quoted Comment Lolol now that is funny. If I am a billionaire in my mind then I am and I expect to be treated as such. I have an advanced degree in Mathematics and will head up NASA in my mind so as Jean Luc Picard would say make it so. Technically I am having a good laugh thank you 🤗.

View Quoted Comment Okay go ahead and be miserable through it all then. Not your party to decide so get over it and don’t say anything that isn’t yours to say. Unless you’re footing the bill. I say this because I’m a bridesmaid in July for a wedding but they just got married becuase her visa was expiring and was struggling to renew it although she’s been here for many years. But don’t be rude. I don’t comment to get harassed.

Lol I am not miserable. You said it right. It is a party because they are married whatever the reason. Also she knew with clown 45 in office renewing, getting or applying for anything including a visa was going to be difficult and should have planned accordingly. That being said it is fine to get married for that reason. It just isn't fine to not tell your guests either directly or through the grapevine which is easier and should be used.

I think you should be a gracious guest. I presume you were invited because the couple wanted to host you, the least YOU could do is respect their decisions to do so. As the host of a party if you’re going to talk behind my back, or can’t support my union whether or not I chose to do the paper signing the day of, or another day, then I would not invite people like you to my party, because since I’m paying I have the final say. And if at the end of the day you can’t or won’t support my decision, I seriously would need to re-evaluate our relationship, and I am not sorry for that. I seriously have no idea why people think they should be all self righteous on how someone chooses to spend their time and money to celebrate what’s important to them. You wanna be self righteous and do the right thing, do that for you. But if you want to tell me how I have to and can host my own party you for darn sure won’t be invited to my parties, and I throw some pretty awesome parties.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for your long winded response on to turn a TV show phrase "How to get away with Lying"! Everything about hurt etc can be on both sides but the basic difference is one set of folks created this whole situation by lying, hiding, deceiving, good reason or whatever you want to call it in the first place! So the fault line starts and ends with them period.

Why it is so hard to understand that lying is wrong, regardless of the reasons? Listen I don't care how you go about getting married. Just be truthful to me. I like partying and having fun as much as the next person but if I'm deceived, it's going to cause me to re-evaluate my relationship with this person.

Do you want to know one of my favorite aspects from my brother's wedding in Bermuda? When they signed the license with my parents as witnesses. It was beautiful because this brother no one thought would ever get married.

View Quoted Comment Wow love it.

I will never understand why people get upset with what other people do with their own lives. It is NOT your life. It is their choice. They have to live with it, you don’t. But if you want to be petty about something that doesn’t affect you at all, go ahead and ruin your relationship over this.

View Quoted Comment I get that people who think lying, deceiving or have a good reason for lying or deceiving don't get it. I say live your life just don't bring others in on your deception or lie by omission. The minute your invite anyone to a public display of commitment it is not just about you anymore especially when the commitment has already been made. Just tell the truth. Yes I know you may not value truth but a lot of us still do.

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I'm sorry that I prefer the truth over lying. As I stated, I don't care how you go about getting married. Just be truthful to me. I can't make an informed decision if I don't have all the information.

Luckily I have never come across this kind of thing in my life as my family and friends value truth over lying.

If you get offended over other people’s choices you have bigger problems. It’s not about you, and believe me if the couple chose to wed in secret, they had other priorities and they weren’t being malicious they didn’t do this just to hurt you or other people, you have to realize this. I get you don’t like it, but it’s not about you, as a single guest or a group. And the couple thought well we won’t please everyone, so we are doing what’s best for us, if petty people get offended oh well. (Because I don’t base my relationship with my fh on how other people view us) you will not change my mind here. They did not do this maliciously, their decision is not about you. If you’re offended that sound so like a personal problem not a bride and groom problem.

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Stephanie, everyone can respect and be cool with everyone's life's choices. You are all adults and doing your thing and not hurting anyone? Great....do it. To be married, then keep it a secret, is lying to people. Why would you do this to people you love? We had our children baptized. We invited family to attend. If we had a private baptism, just us, godparents and grandparents, that would be fine too. What ISN'T fine is baptizing baby in private, then inviting oodles of people to ANOTHER baptism and going through the motions, then saying, "Well shucks....little Jimmy is already baptized!"

OP was put in an uncomfortable position because her brother is lying....any way you want to paint it, it is lying. OP is not petty, she feels weird as now she is complicit in the ruse. And it sounds like she wants out of this stressful situation.

Yendor - I wish you the best, I really do. I am outta this thread now. Best wishes to you!

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Oh sweet baby Jesus. You just don't get it do you? Once you invite people to your wedding, it is no longer about you. If you only care about yourselves and not others, just get married the two of you and don't put on a ruse afterwards.

Not once did I say I was offended. You're twisting my words. Again, I don't care how you wed, just be truthful to me. A marriage is public record and if you honestly think people won't find out, you are sorely mistaken.

The only things required for a wedding is the couple, an officiant, and witnesses if need be. That's it. Yes most people want the party but if you can't do the party without a fake ceremony, then don't. Just own how you got married.

I 100% do get it, and trying to prove to me that it is a lie is NOT going to change my mind. I think this is a petty reason for people to get upset, because in the real world and every day life your marital status is no one's business. And please go on to tell me that you've never told a lie even in regards to your wedding or guest list, who might be invited blah blah. They didn't do this to YOU. Everyone who is invited to my wedding, would not know intimate details of my life like this. I would not tell everyone invited to my wedding how much money I make, I would not tell everyone who is invited to my wedding that we are trying to adopt, or have a baby, or buy a house, it wouldn't just come up in conversation. I HAD a wedding date set before I lost my job and was getting my own insurance benefits so it wouldn't matter, and the legal day would be the celebration day. I couldn't change the date, I already had vendors booked. If I could do it any other way I'd have picked to have my wedding in March because that is when my health benefits run out. I 100% do get it, I just don't agree with you. I also have a hard time believing everyone who tells me "I don't get it" has never lied about anything right? Yes I get it. I do not agree. You wanna tell me how you told your coworker "we haven't finalized our guest list yet," when in reality she just isn't invited? That is a lie too, but by your logic it's fine lying to her, because you had to make cuts and she didn't make it. No one here has ever lied right?

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Well, the people in my life don't expect an invitation just because they are coworkers or family. Considering the fact that my wedding isn't for another year and a half most of the information for my wedding isn't even close to be finalized.

Also I don't ever feel right lying about things. Then again, that's just how I was raised.

Also, if someone's martial status was truly private, it wouldn't be on public record. Regardless of how you feel, it's still lying if you aren't truthful about how and when you actually got married.

Trust me, there have been plenty of times I wanted to turn to FI and say let's just go down to town hall and get married so that things could be easier for us. But I know that if I did that and not told a single person, there would be lots of hurt feelings.

Again, I don't believe in lying about anything because the truth always comes out, one way or another. Just be truthful and you won't have issues.