Secretly getting legally married but hiding it because of the upcoming ceremony.

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Yendor - your brother and his wife need to tell EVERYONE they are married. Look, I have a mess of cousins, siblings, we all attend each other's life events as we are just that way. If a cousin/brother/sister got married on June 1 2016 then had a wedding/vow renewal/Whateveryouwannacallit on June 1 2017 and lied about it? It would hurt a lot of people as it is lying. None of this "Well you never asked" and "We like our privacy" and the all time hits leader "Well it is OUR day, we get to do it OUR WAY!" A lie is a lie either by omission or front up lying, and it causes hurt feelings that may never heal.

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LOL someone is selfish for choosing not to attend a ceremony that's being held under false pretenses? Even if it was a legit wedding, no one owes you their presence. A wedding invitation is not a summons.

View Quoted Comment Who you stole the words right out of my mind.

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You are welcome. And I am sorry you are in this position.

View Quoted Comment Thank you.

I personally find it romantic that people get married alone without others. it’s his business & life so i ultimately say that id stay out of it. i know it may be hurtful but at the end of the day it’s only them in the marriage anyways so try to be happy for him instead.

View Quoted Comment I have no problem with folks doing just what you said. They should enjoy it and tell the world they are married so we can all say congratulations. No need to hide the truth.

View Quoted Comment You are 100% correct — and if someone feels that strongly that a wedding ceremony isn’t “legitimate,” The person should just stay home and allow the couple to have their day unimpeded. Again: not about the guests. But “outing” them? I see no point except
to cause drama and strife.

View Quoted Comment I agree that if you feel a wedding isn't legit, just stay home. But that assumes they were told the couple was married already. The problem is when the couple refuses to tell their guests.

View Quoted Comment Exactly tell folks the truth.

View Quoted Comment The key is that folks know the truth and then they can choose what to do. It will not make a difference to some folks but to others they may want to spend the money to travel and lay out all that expense for a faux wedding ceremony.

FH and I are considering it (wedding date is set for 12/02/18) because his new job has phenomenal insurance (no deductible, no copay, etc), and I've been having medical issues that are starting to pile up. So, depending on how the next round of tests go, we've considered eloping just so I can hop on his insurance.

View Quoted Comment That is completely understandable just please let folks know you are already married and are having a nice ceremony in a few months.

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Have a party. You will have already have had the ceremony.

This is THEIR day, so..

It is not your place to tell other people, your family included. If you're so pissed off, offended and/or hurt, then don't go to their "sham wedding."

View Quoted Comment Exactly makes sense.

View Quoted Comment It is THEIR day just like it was THEiR day when they got married. When you include others in a deception, lie, private business or their day it is no longer only about you. These lies almost always get out because if anyone in the family or close to the family knows they have told their confidant and that confidant has told theirs etc etc. The thing is if it gets out before or after the wedding.

View Quoted Comment Oh I do not want to tell anyone ---UPDATE I spoke with my brother last night and I advised him that he needs to at the very least tell our parents( all sibs know now). I also said he needs to tell our whole family or let's us spread the word because that usually is what happens when the ok is given about news. A deception about being married is so unnecessary to me. The reasons for justifying this lie are almost always selfish( assuring a gift grab)or being afraid to-Man and/or woman up!! Grow up folks.

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Still can't understand why you care. It's not a sham. It's a real wedding. People get married for all kinds of reasons ebfore their weddings, immigration, healthcare, dying relatives--stuff that you have no right to call a sham just because you feel like they're "lying" to you. They aren't. Their wedding is the day they chose to celebrate, their courthouse thing isn't "a wedding." If my guests were to get so upset over something this stupid--you'd bet they probably wouldn't be my guests.