Secretly getting legally married but hiding it because of the upcoming ceremony.

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But calling the courthouse not a wedding is insulting to those who choose to do so. The thing is the day you sign the paperwork is the day of your wedding. Anything else is not a wedding. I don't care why you choose to get married before your 'wedding' but don't lie to me.

If you stand up there acting like a bride when you are in fact a wife, then yes it is a sham. You don't need the big fancy dress or party to be married. All you need is the two people getting married, an officiant and witness if required. That's it. Everything else is frosting.

It’s not a lie. You perceiving it that way is souring your opinion of your brother’s relationship. If you perceive it to be a lie- you go right ahead and don’t come. But i bet if someone asked- they’d tell them. That’s your choice but there is nothing wrong about hosting the ceremonial pageantry of a wedding. It is still their wedding. If you don’t want to go- and don’t support it, don’t. But don’t knock them because it’s not what you would do. It’s not like they asked people to get gifts for them a second time. It’s your choice to be offended over something that doesn’t affect you.

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Do you understand the definition of a lie? It's not telling the truth. If you get married, you are married, regardless of how it was done. If you sit there and act like you aren't married when in fact you are, especially for benefits, then you are lying and also possibly committing fraud.

View Quoted Comment If this upsets you, then don’t go. But don’t blame them for “ruining the relationship.” You did a pretty good job of that yourself by calling their wedding “a sham.” Or fraudulent.

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First of all, I think you have me confused with someone else. Second of all, how can I make a decision on it if I am not told the truth?! That is what you don't seem to understand. If I am not told the truth, I can't make a decision on whether I want to go or not. Like I said, I don't care how you get married as long as you are truthful with me.

Also, it can be considered fraud f you are collecting benefits while claiming you are not actually married in order to get said benefits. This kind of thing is public record. People will find out.

Sweetheart, I’m done arguing with you. You’re not right and this is nothing more than a difference of opinions. Have a blessed day.

Still doesn’t make you right. It is you who is making their wedding all about “the lie they told you.” Instead of the marriage and wedding ceremony they deserve.

I think you’re missing the point. Their wedding is not about you. It’s about them. Being truthful and being deceitful has nothing to do with this conversation.

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Yes it does. OP mentioned that her brother was going to be lying to their guests. How does being truthful or being deceitful not have anything to do with the conversation?

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Again, you have me confused with someone else. I'm not the OP but I am replying because I believe in telling the truth to people, especially in concerns to a wedding.

Trust me, I have contemplated marrying my FI much sooner than we are getting married. But I also want some form of a wedding. So I'm doing the big girl thing and getting legally married the day of my wedding.

I don’t see it as decietful. That’s all I’m saying. I don’t think it’s anyone else’s business. Maybe that’s why I can’t understand why she thinks she has to tell everyone. I see it as common sense. I don’t think there is any malice involved and I still disagree with being upset about it. They didn’t do it to hurt anyone.

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You may not but plenty of people do. This is an etiquette board. We are going to tell people what the correct etiquette in how to throw their wedding. Like I said, I don't care how you get married, just don't lie to me.

Whatever. It’s really not anyone’s business. A couples private life is just that- private

View Quoted Comment Then tell your guests before hand and let them decide. Let there be truth in this ceremony. For some people the reason to hide it is because they know some people will not move heaven and Earth to attend a renewal of vows. Just like some folks won't make a 20th anniversary renewal of vows. Omitting the truth is creating a deception reception.

View Quoted Comment Exactly exactly.

View Quoted Comment Well said. My sentiments exactly

View Quoted Comment Well said. My sentiments exactly. Too many want the frosting of many gifts when they know some folks would just skip their renewal of vows.

View Quoted Comment Well lying ruins relationships all the time. I am just letting them know they need to come clean. Pretending not to be married is ridamandiculous, deceitful and hurtful so.

View Quoted Comment Lol who in the hell is going to ask someone who has a future marriage date already planned if they are already married--Please. A lie by any other name smells just as stank. So going to your parents house and sleeping in separate rooms because parents don't allow the unmarried to stay in the same room is a lie since you are in fact married.

View Quoted Comment True so true.