Pumpkin
VIP October 2010

Ridiculous Dollar Dance Drama

Pumpkin, on December 9, 2009 at 7:31 PM Posted in Planning 0 70
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A month ago I asked my fiance if he had any "musts" for the wedding. He listed just a few things, one of which was a Dollar Dance. For those of you who aren't familiar with this, its a supposed tradition where guests are invited to pay for a dance with the bride and/or groom (I think it's usually the bride). I am pretty dead-set against having a Dollar Dance because my family thinks they are incredibly tacky. One of my cousins had a Dollar Dance at her wedding and everyone was whispering behind her back the entire time, wondering why she didn't ask for help financially instead of begging for money at the wedding. When I explained this to my fiance, he got offended because the Dollar Dance is a tradition in his family. His two cousins had them at their weddings and he always thought we would do it at ours. (CONTINUED)

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Latest activity by Christine Marie, on March 17, 2010 at 5:51 PM
  • Pumpkin
    VIP October 2010
    Pumpkin ·
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    (CONTINUED) Over the Thanksgiving holiday no less than three of his family members begged me to do a Dollar Dance, one of them stating that it would pay for the entire honeymoon because that's how one of the cousins paid for hers. I don't want to embarass myself in front of my entire family, but his family is really looking forward to it. Any thoughts, ladies?

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  • ladylee
    Master June 2010
    ladylee ·
    • Flag

    Let HIM do a dollar dance and let his kin folk pin money on his suit. i'm not fond of the concept either and i'll be damned if anyone is poking pins in my $1100 gown!

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  • Analy aka T-waffle
    Master October 2009
    Analy aka T-waffle ·
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    Perhaps you can sit down with your FH and your family and explain the tradition behind the dance. Many American people just simply aren't familiar with it, although I know it is a tradition in many cultures (Filipino, Mexican, etc). Maybe you could also have an announcement by the dj or one of his family members at the wedding about the significance of the dance before people are asked to participate. I think its a fun tradition, good luck deciding. Smiley smile

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  • Lori LaCarter
    Lori LaCarter ·
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    Personally, I feel the same way you do, and we are not going to have a dollar dance; however, that being said, if you are having a DJ or someone else announce the song, I suggest having them dedicate the song to the groom and his side of the family, or you could put it in the "other" information in the program that at the request of the groom and his family, there will be a dollar dance at the reception for anyone who would like to participate.

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  • L
    VIP October 2010
    loveat1stsite ·
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    I don't understand how a dollar dance would pay for a honeymoon, unless your guest list is insane and that would be the whole point of the wedding. Did you explain to your FH's family that you are not comfortable with the whole idea? If it really is that important to them, maybe make a compromise with FH about something that you really want that he is on the fence about and agree to do the dollar dance. Some guests might find it tacky but if it will please that many people, just do it and minimize the time dedicated to it.

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  • arlala555
    VIP May 2010
    arlala555 ·
    • Flag

    I don't know how to help you. I really really want a dollar dance. It's an Italian thing and I am half Italian coming from both my parents. My wedding is on my grandfathers birthday and he is 100% Sicilian. We are not doing anything that has to do with customs in our wedding and all I wanted was a dollars dance. Of course we are not since my FH is really against that. Believe me I'll remember in years and years that we had a great day but we didn't do a money dance!

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  • Analy aka T-waffle
    Master October 2009
    Analy aka T-waffle ·
    • Flag

    Loveat- people are extremely generous at these things. They are not pinning a dollar or two, it's more like a couple hundred. it's their wedding gift to the couple to start their new life together, like a nest egg.

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  • Pumpkin
    VIP October 2010
    Pumpkin ·
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    In my mind, it would be insulting to his family if we dedicated it to them as it would seem his family is poor and couldn't help us with the wedding (not the case) and thus needed a Dollar Dance to offset the cost (maybe I'm overthinking this). He does not come from a culture where this would be a custom, so I'm not sure why it's such a big deal to them. If I remember correctly, his cousin's wedding had less than 100 people so I'm not sure how that paid for the honeymoon unless his family is insane with giving money for the Dollar Dance and that's why they're pushing so hard for it. We're having 130 people and a small honeymoon and, while it might pay for the honeymoon, I still can't get past the tackiness of the tradition. "Thanks for coming to my wedding, thanks for the gift, now can I have some money?!?!"

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  • Pumpkin
    VIP October 2010
    Pumpkin ·
    • Flag

    @arlala555: Just so you know, I'm not knocking you for wanting a Dollar Dance. It's your wedding and I want you to be happy and have everything you want on your day, but I know how my (very snobby) family will perceive it and I don't want them thinking less of his family because of it.

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  • J.J
    Master September 2011
    J.J ·
    • Flag

    I was going to do a dollar dance but I HATE the idea of dancing with everyone considering the fact that it can take forever. So instead we are doing a dash for cash..Call us tacky if you must. Dollar dances are also a tradition in our family so no one will think anything of giving money. But instead of having to just stand and wait in line they can just stay seated. My FH and I...well H by that point...Will have a cowboy hat each and during one song will dash for cash to see which one of us can get the most money. If your H is set on doing a dollar dance maybe he would be into something like this instead.

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  • Nicole Keesler
    Nicole Keesler ·
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    My husband and I had this argument before we got married. I was very uncomfortable with dancing with other men. We ended up compromising and we both did the dance. I cannot say that we made very much money though. Just don't think that you have to do anything that make you very uncomfortable. Let your fiance know how you feel.

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  • Jessica
    Super July 2011
    Jessica ·
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    Pumpkin keep in mind that tradition isn't always based on customs of ones culture, it's something that's done over and over again for years. It's good that you realize that your family (as you said) is very snobby and will think this is tacky, but they also need to realize that you're not marrying someone in your own family. You're marrying someone who is from a different family who have different traditions. I know it's hard because it's your wedding and you don't want anyone talking like they did your cousin, but if it means that much to your FH then maybe you should consider it. Or what you can do to open your parents up to the idea and they can slowly spread the word (in a positive manner of course) is mention it when the two of you are with both sets of parents and see how the conversation goes over. Obviously his will say yes and yours will say no, but it will break the ice to the topic. I am one who will be having the dollar dance, my FMIL was kinda like WTF when I told...(CONT)

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  • Mrs. Carmen
    Master September 2010
    Mrs. Carmen ·
    • Flag

    Do the dollar dance but do it with something else. Set a stack of dainty folded cards next to the cake on the table and let people write wishes or whatnot on them, and use those instead of dollars.

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  • Jessica
    Super July 2011
    Jessica ·
    • Flag

    Her what it is, but I told her if they expected me to have the chicken dance, which is her family tradition, then we're having the dollar dance which is my family tradition.

    And honestly... it's not always looked at as a handout as your family perceives it to be. In some families it's our way of saying "hey you invited us to take part in and celebrate your wonderful day, you have fed us and gave us drinks, and we want to do a little something extra to say thank you."

    I will tell you to be careful when approaching this with his family about not having it simply because it's their tradition and you don't want your FILs to think of you the way you think of your own family... snobby.

    Good luck!

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  • Michelle Powell
    Michelle Powell ·
    • Flag

    Jae21 made some excellent points, especially "they also need to realize that you're not marrying someone in your own family". I also like the idea Carmen said about doing well-wishes instead of dollars.

    Maybe your DJ or MC can announce that you will be doing The Money Dance, and those that wish to participate and not give money can write well-wishes on a paper instead to give! I LOVE THAT!

    FYI: When we do The Money Dance for our couples, we NEVER use pins. We have a small purse for the bride, and we place a garter on the groom's upper arm. The money is then put in there instead.

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  • Jenn146939
    Expert September 2011
    Jenn146939 ·
    • Flag

    JJ. I love your idea for the dash for cash idea! We are huge country fans, and the cowboy hat idea is great! Can you elaborate a little more on this....your not just going around to tables, saying can I have money are you? cuz that part im not sure on. Is it an entire song? or just part of a song?

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  • J.J
    Master September 2011
    J.J ·
    • Flag

    Up until about a month ago i've never heard of it either so i'm not to sure of the details. From what i've put together the D.J will announce that instead of a dollar dance we are doing a dash for cash during the next song, whatever song we choose, and it is a competition between Josh and Jennifer to see who can get more money so help them out and we'll see who wins...Or something along those lines. Then the song will come on and Josh and I will run around trying to collect as much money as possible. As far as I know that is all that a dash for cash involves...I could be wrong though.

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  • dhaddan
    Devoted September 2011
    dhaddan ·
    • Flag

    The dollar dance isn't something you beg for money, it something to get the entire crowd involved and its fun to. If you don't have time to talk to EVERYONE who is at your wedding, this is a time where you can talk to them for a few minutes and what not. No offense to your family, but if they are really going to think, "Oh shes begging for money, why didn't she just ask" thats their problem. Its a fun thing. Seeing everyone, and usually everyone got involved. My sister didn't have them pin the bills on the tux or gown, the MOH AND BM took the money.

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  • Jenn146939
    Expert September 2011
    Jenn146939 ·
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    Thnx JJ - im gonna keep that in mind, rather than the dollar dance!

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  • J.J
    Master September 2011
    J.J ·
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    Your welcome :-).

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