Rant/advice! Engagement on the rocks

Wow. This thread got really harsh for someone looking for a bit of support. Yikes.

Op, yep, your FSIL was super rude. What she did was passive aggressive and I probably would have reacted the same as you because passive aggressive behavior is one of my pet peeves. However knowing that it's one of my pet peeves I've learned to take a deep breath and try to come up with something to say that doesn't drop me to their level. I'm still working on it, Lol.  I'm sorry that you and your FH had a fight. One thing I've learned is to not go to extremes. Just because you had a fight doesn't mean you're on the rocks just as when you're married having a fight doesn't mean your marriage is on the rocks.

Unfortunately conflict is sometimes how we grow in relationships. It's uncomfortable and gross and no one likes it, but that doesn't mean it wasn't necessary. Reflect on the whole thing and find what you can learn, for example what I think I'm hearing is you don't feel supported by your FH when it involves his family. And it also sounds like you may need to look at how you communicate with his family, which is something your FH can help with, after all he knows them best. If this is a part of what you're feeling, then it's worth sitting down with your FH and having a follow up conversation. Maybe let him know you need help with this because the approach you're taking doesn't feel like it's working. Either way you two need an understanding one that both of you are comfortable with, and coming up with one before you're married is probably a good idea. Good luck! I'm sure you two can come up with something

The thing is, your fiancé should be your advocate in conflicts with his family and should help bridge the gap when it comes to misunderstandings/differences in ways you handle conflict. BUT, your FH's job isn't to get involved in every disagreement because you're not capable of addressing an issue without "blowing up and swearing and calling her names."

I've been having issues with my FH because of a longterm conflict with my FILs in which I've genuinely done everything possible on my end to be loving and respectful and work through the issue in a healthy way so we can all get on the same page and move on, but they're not interested and have instead chosen to do a lot of hurtful things. My FH has been hesitant to get involved and it's concerning to me, but in this case, I've done everything *I* can do on my own and it's reasonable to expect FH to jump in.

It's a problem that you don't feel comfortable/know how to politely and respectfully address conflict with your future in-laws. You need to find a way to work things out with your FSIL- you're talking about *your* relationship with her. It's your responsibility to make it work, and if you're not even going to make an honest effort yourself, don't expect your FH to put his own relationship with her in a bad position over your inability to work through it.

Lmao @crystalqueen

Thank you Christa yeah I agreeing with everyone. I kind of blew it up at wrong time. I know that, I understand. It just heat of moment and not being able to let go. I let things slide with his family after that one blow up with his sister year or two and just made me blow up. Any normal person over time, it will happen.

This escalated quickly!

How is her saying to cool off selfies "ignorant"?

Do you tell your FH that you think his family is ignorant?

I agree with FH. Stupid comments about FB is not worth starting a feud. Move on.

A mountain was made out of a mole hill....it very much SHOULD be your FH's business to handle his family. He needs to grow some balls. Unless he is tired of drama involving you, I don't know....only throwing that out there. The fact that he isn't supporting you would concern me as much as inheriting that family. I think it's certainly appropriate to be direct and stand up for yourself as well. And perhaps developing a sense of humor that understands some peoples' intent with their delivery.

EleanorRigby- I find people who don't know the definition use that word when other words may fit better. Hence coming off as sounding ignorant

She used it SOOOO MANY TIMES.

Look, in life, you will not always get along with everyone. Some people won't like you and you won't like them.

Posting a lot of selfies is a pain in the ass, but you what, I do it too. Or I post pictures of our pets or myself and FH. I'm sure it aggravates a few of my friends on FB. But guess what, we're all at an age where no one gives a flying flip! It's FB FFS!

Granted what your FSIL said was a bit of a social faux pas but she got the reaction out of you she probably wanted, you blew up. It probably tickled her pink. No it is not your FHs job to stand up to her about something so silly and trivial, get over it. Now if she had said some derogatory, defamatory, sexist, or racist and he didn't defend you...then you would have a problem. But it was something so stupid...

How about instead of making it the "future Mrs flood show" (if I do this FH calls it the Andi show); you kill your FSIL with kindness. You smile politely, say "OK" and go on about your business. Its so much easier to be nice to rude people, then to give them the satisfaction of pissing us off and letting it show. Didn't you listen to.anything your momma said growing up.

Wow, you are 27? I would not have guessed that. I agree that you need to put the brakes on the selfies. It's immature and self-absorbed.

I didnt read all the comments - so apologies if Im repeating anything. The original post sounds pretty immature. I don't see what it has to do with your FH honestly. I wouldnt ask him to step in for something like that. Yes, FSIL was being immature, snotty, and rude, but I don't think that was anything you shouldn't be able to handle on your own.

What is he supposed to do... call his sister and say " I heard you think my fiance takes too many selfies!" Thats ridiculous.

If your engagement is on the rocks over this.. it might be time to re-evaluate the relationship! It sounds like theres a lot of immaturity flowing around..

Ok, skimmed the comments .Noticed a theme from you - you can't stand FH's husband, can't deal with his family anymore, you think his family is rude AF. You do realise that once you tie the knot, they will be your family as well right? You have to find a way to deal with them, or your husband will end up resenting you for being at the middle of a rift in the family.

eta: spelling

Lol what is everyone not getting or maybe not all reading properly. IT has nothing to do with Facebook or pictures, it's her comment about "everyone doesn't need to see my face"(when I don't post a lot of pics anymore but that's besides point who cares if I did, it's just plain rude and she sounda insecure..I should tell her not to keep posting her kids pics," no one wants to keep seeing them and her statuses about them") and its just about past shit his family has done that built up plus her saying she won't help. Well jeez I don't need your help I can do it on my own like I was for a bit. Stop with selfie bit guys it's not over that!

It's about their attitude and stuff towards everything lol anyways I don't have to prove anything to anyone . I came for advice and some people have and thank you all for that, i apreciate it. Im done with this conversation. Happy Easter everyone enjoy your day

You're not actually reading what people are telling you. Everyone doesn't need to see your face was her way of telling you it's annoying. The fact that you'd react with a similar come back shows your lack of maturity.

Don't offer up that information if you don't like people commenting on it.

It's Facebook. Move. On.