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Devoted June 2021

Plus ones for every single single guest?

Rebecca, on March 3, 2020 at 7:29 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 2 101
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My mom called me yesterday absolutely furious because she’d gone onto our wedding website and randomly started putting different guest names in as if she were RSVP’ing and discovered that every single single person wasn’t given a plus one. My FH and I wanted a smaller wedding, around 100-120 people. Depending on regrets we may be around that number, but over 160 are invited. Her take on this is every single person without a significant other should be “allowed to bring a friend.” Like even my younger cousins (in college) who are coming with their parents, and my much older single aunts who have told me they plan on just coming with their kids. Any single people who wouldn’t know a bunch of people were given plus-ones, I just left out the people who I know are coming with their families. She told me I was “mean and judgmental about others” because of this and literally refused to talk to me because I’m such an awful person. Am I? Or am I within the realm of reasonable not giving each member of a family attending together a plus one when they’re not even in a relationship?


Latest activity by Kari, on October 24, 2020 at 7:26 PM
  • Future Mrs. Cwik
    Devoted March 2021
    Future Mrs. Cwik ·
    • Flag
    I do not think you have to give single folks a plus one. We only have three single people coming to our wedding, so we gave them plus ones. Our wedding is much smaller than yours - only 65 people, so we were comfortable with a couple of extra folks on the list.

    A friend of mine did this - if you weren’t in a relationship at the time of invite, you didn’t get a plus one. It was unrealistic for them to pay for random people and also have a ton of people they aren’t familiar with at their wedding.
    I mean no offense to your mom, but this is your wedding and she should support what you’re comfortable with. You don’t have to answer this as I Know it’s personal, but is she paying for it?
    • Reply
  • Nefetera
    VIP March 2015
    Nefetera ·
    • Flag
    Typically ppl should be allowed a plus one however if you know they arent going to bring a plus one or single then that's fine how you are going about things. Plus its your wedding your way of how you feel you want to do it
    • Reply
  • Emily
    Super August 2020
    Emily ·
    • Flag
    We have several single people, but it’s a group of friends that we know are going to come together. However, just looking back I’ve never went to a wedding by myself whether given a plus one or not.
    • Reply
  • Lena
    Devoted May 2021
    Lena ·
    • Flag

    You're not an awful person lol. We're giving plus ones to every single guest, it's just the way it's done in our families.

    • Reply
  • Marie
    Dedicated April 2020
    Marie ·
    • Flag
    You’re not a bad person buuuut I gave everyone a plus one. I may not know if they’re in a relationship, or they may want to bring a friend. Whoever their plus one might be I let them choose that and gave them the opportunity to bring someone.
    • Reply
  • Kaleigh
    Dedicated September 2020
    Kaleigh ·
    • Flag
    I gave everyone a plus one, just think of how little fun it would be to go to a wedding alone.
    • Reply
  • Emma
    Devoted August 2020
    Emma ·
    • Flag

    I've definitely heard that generally you only give plus ones to the wedding party and people that are in "long term" relationships. I only gave everyone a plus one because the wedding is so small that all together that's only 6 plus ones (if they were all to come) for people that had not had a significant other I knew that could be included on the invite. I would say as long as they don't have an issue with not bringing a plus one, your mom shouldn't either.

    • Reply
  • Sharon
    Expert September 2021
    Sharon ·
    • Flag
    I'm usually all for giving everyone a plus one. We were planning on doing it for our single guests. However, due to space limitations we had to change that plan. Only the single people who won't really know anyone will get a plus one (and there's only a very few of those). I've already mentioned it to some of the single people and they're fine with it.
    • Reply
  • Taylor
    VIP October 2020
    Taylor ·
    • Flag

    I only gave plus ones to the single friends that I knew wouldn't know anyone else. My college girlfriends that are single but will all be seated together, will not have a plus one. They'll be fine.

    • Reply
  • Maddie
    Beginner November 2020
    Maddie ·
    • Flag
    We’re not really giving anyone plus ones. If you’re in a relationship, then your significant other is also invited, but we’re addressing the invite to both people.

    It may be different in our situation since my FH’s family is so big that we wouldn’t be able to afford every single person bringing an additional guest. Plus thinking of so many people at our reception and wanting to greet them all and thank them for coming would take the whole night if we had double the people.
    I was the maid of honor in my best friends wedding several years ago and wasn’t given a plus one because I wasn’t in a relationship at the time. I think all situations are different, but do what works best for you.
    • Reply
  • Sherry
    Master September 2019
    Sherry ·
    • Flag

    Only those in relationships need to be given a plus one. If your budget and venue allow for extra guests, you can extend a plus one to single guests but it is not required nor has it ever been. You will get opinions on everything during the planning process. Unless they are paying, they don't get a say. Plan your wedding however you want to.

    • Reply
  • Maggie
    Super April 2020
    Maggie ·
    • Flag
    I think that’s totally understandable, that’s how my Fh and I are doing it as well. I have a group of 7 friends who are all single but they all know each other, I’m not paying another $700 to have each one bring a separate friend who I may not know or may not get along with. If you were in a relationship at the 6 month mark, you get that plus one, but that’s that for me. I was in a relationship with my FH for like 4.5 years and wasn’t invited to one of his friend’s wedding because it was only close friends and family, I wasn’t butt hurt by this. There’s no reason you HAVE to invite someone you don’t know, that’s not a thing anymore
    • Reply
  • Kendra
    Devoted August 2020
    Kendra ·
    • Flag

    Nope, nope, nope. If they aren't in a relationship and you want a small wedding, why would you give everyone that's single a plus one? I understand what some people are saying on here if those single guest's don't know anyone else, I get that. But if they are coming with their families, I don't see the issue. I went to a wedding by myself but that was because a ton of my college friends were going to be there and it wasn't an issue.

    It's your wedding, you make the rules and the guest list. Unless she is paying for the whole thing, she only gets a small amount of a say.

    • Reply
  • Margaret
    Master October 2020
    Margaret ·
    • Flag
    This is YOUR wedding! You are in no way out of realm. I know plenty of people that have invited single people to weddings with no plus 1 noted.

    My FMIL is trying to do similar - I listened to her and will continue to do it my way. Our wedding is much smaller we will have max 25.
    • Reply
  • anna
    Dedicated October 2019
    anna ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    I also used the "if you aren't in a relationship when we send out invites, you don't get a plus one" rule. it might sound a bit harsh, but we weren't just trying to fill a room with warm bodies and we didn't want to pay for a bunch of random people we didn't even know. when I was single, I never thought twice about not getting a plus one. I would have never considered just bringing a random friend just so I wouldn't be alone lol. my husband and I ended up making a few exceptions for people who specifically asked us if they could bring a plus one, including one friend who wanted to bring his brand new girlfriend that he started dating after he got his invite. go figure she ended up being one of our happiest and most excited guests even though we'd never met her before! you are absolutely not obligated to give everyone a plus one, but do consider that it can be done on a case-by-case basis.

    • Reply
  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    I don’t think you NEED to give every person a plus one if you don’t want to or if you can’t .
    • Reply
  • Joclyn
    Beginner May 2021
    Joclyn ·
    • Flag

    I'm doing a plus one for those married, bringing a kid, or in a relationship with someone. We don't want a massive wedding and if someone is completely unattached they can attend an event "alone" surrounded by a bunch of people. I don't think there is a wrong or right way it's a personal and financial choice.

    • Reply
  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal ·
    • Flag

    I think what you're doing is completely fine, but I also think it's pretty creepy that your mom is accessing the RSVP list that way.... I was a very involved MOB (at daughter's request) and even I think that is crossing major boundaries. In my opinion, you are not "mean" nor an "awful person." I'd give her a day or two to cool off and then try to talk with her. The purpose of talking would be to make it clear the guest list stands as you and FH decided, and let her know that both accessing the RSVP list in that way and definitely in her reaction, her behavior was over-the-top and not okay. So sorry.... I hope she realizes her behavior was inappropriate and backs off, but either way, stand your ground. You're a grown woman getting married and mom needs to understand and respect boundaries. Good luck!

    • Reply
  • Springbride
    Dedicated 0000
    Springbride ·
    • Flag

    I just had this talk with my FMIL yesterday and I had the same point of view.
    your not crazy at all. I think its pretty common that not every guest gets a plus one.
    Good luck!
    • Reply
  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna ·
    • Flag

    Sorry to your mom, but I'm 100% on your side with this one. Giving plus ones to people who are not in a relationship? No way! We didn't want random people who we had never met at our wedding, nor did we want to pay loads of extra money per plate. Stick to your guns!

    • Reply

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