Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Devoted September 2021

Plus ones for every single single guest?

Flag
Hide content

Rebecca, on March 3, 2020 at 7:29 AM

My mom called me yesterday absolutely furious because she’d gone onto our wedding website and randomly started putting different guest names in as if she were RSVP’ing and discovered that every single single person wasn’t given a plus one. My FH and I wanted a smaller wedding, around 100-120 people. Depending on regrets we may be around that number, but over 160 are invited. Her take on this is every single person without a significant other should be “allowed to bring a friend.” Like even my younger cousins (in college) who are coming with their parents, and my much older single aunts who have told me they plan on just coming with their kids. Any single people who wouldn’t know a bunch of people were given plus-ones, I just left out the people who I know are coming with their families. She told me I was “mean and judgmental about others” because of this and literally refused to talk to me because I’m such an awful person. Am I? Or am I within the realm of reasonable not giving each member of a family attending together a plus one when they’re not even in a relationship?

Show all

104 Comments

Just Said Yes September 2020
Alaia · on March 3, 2020 at 8:53 PM
Flag

Hide content
You're totally in reason! We're doing the same thing for our wedding and I've been to a couple weddings in the last year for close friends that did the same thing with plus ones! It's your day! Do things the way you want them!

xoxo
- Reply
Just Said Yes October 2020
Christina · on March 3, 2020 at 10:30 PM
Flag

Hide content
We are aiming for a wedding around your size as well. My fiance and I both decided that if the person isn't in a long-term relationship then they are not receiving a plus one. We don't really have anyone who isn't married that wouldn't already know multiple other people from the wedding, so them being alone isn't really a problem. At the end of the day, we see it as our wedding. We're paying for most of it ourselves and are trying to maintain a budget that we won't regret later. We prefer to use the money we have set aside to ensure we have good, high-quality experience for our friends and family who have traveled a distance to be with us on our most important day, not to feed and entertain someone who isn't even that important to some of our single friends and younger cousins.
- Reply
Beginner March 2020
Mackenzie · on March 3, 2020 at 11:09 PM
Flag

Hide content
My opinion is, it is YOUR wedding. Therefore YOUR choice on who can come or who can bring plus-one's. Not judgemental in the slightest. Just a tad more money conscious.
- Reply
Super May 2020
Andrea · on March 3, 2020 at 11:38 PM
Flag

Hide content
You’re definitely not a terrible person and that’s super passive/aggressive of your mom to go about checking up on you like that. We have 3 single guests out of the 156 invited. We gave them plus ones because it’s 3 people. I don’t know what we would’ve done if we had a ton of single family members and friends. I could see the price of that getting completely out of control for strangers but I’ve never been to a wedding by myself so I’m not sure what I wouldve done. It’s up to you and your husband, though it’s your wedding.
I didn’t want my fiancé’s parents inviting a ton of their friends that I didn’t know. We are paying for the wedding and put a cap on their friends just because we don’t need 30 people there we don’t know so i definitely see your point about strangers too
Good luck!
- Reply
Just Said Yes October 2020
Erica · on March 4, 2020 at 12:24 AM
Flag

Hide content
No. Maybe she doesn't understand that you are having to pay per person if your having a reception which can drive up the cost of your wedding tremendously.
- Reply
Devoted June 2021
Theadra · on March 4, 2020 at 12:43 AM
Flag

Hide content
The plus ones are typically people I don’t know . For instance, I’ve met a lot of my cousins SO’s and like them so their names are on the guest list . But not everyone deserves a plus one . That’s completely up to you. Remember you have to pay for these people too.0
- Reply
Dedicated June 2020
Heather · on March 4, 2020 at 4:29 AM
Flag

Hide content
You're certainly NOT wrong in feeling upset about what your mom did. Remember it's "YOUR WEDDING, YOUR WAY". You do you and be honest with her. My mom was upset that I'm not inviting my sister but when I explained that since her and I don't have a relationship. When we are around each other she tries to ruin my day by being verbally abusive towards me. I explained to my mom that I don't need that kind of stress on MY day. My mom said okay and left it alone.
- Reply
Just Said Yes March 2021
Mackenzie · on March 4, 2020 at 6:51 AM
Flag

Hide content
I’m on your side. This is your wedding. You have who you do & don’t want there mom needs to stop acting like it’s hers !
- Reply
June 2020
· on March 4, 2020 at 8:32 AM
Flag

Hide content
He who controls the spending, controls the number of guests!🤷🏽‍♀️
- Reply
Super October 2020
Fmv · on March 4, 2020 at 9:02 AM
Flag

Hide content
Thats a big no from me.

Tell her to foot the entire bill, then she can give everyone a plus one when shes paying
- Reply
Devoted August 2020
Elle · on March 4, 2020 at 10:09 AM
Flag

Hide content
No. You're not wrong.
Unless your mom is paying for these rando guests, this is your decision and your choice, and you are not a mean person.
- Reply
Master October 2020
Mandi · on March 4, 2020 at 10:36 AM
Flag

Hide content
I got rid of online RSVPs because I just couldn't deal with people and their specifics of who could bring who. Anyone and everyone can bring a plus one. We stopped caring. The more the merrier.

That being said, if she was my mother, I'd be super annoyed and tell her to butt out. But that's just me.
- Reply
Dedicated 0000
Chloe · on March 4, 2020 at 10:58 AM
Flag

Hide content
No you are not an mean to tell people they cannot bring completw
- Reply
Just Said Yes November 2020
Sarah · on March 4, 2020 at 11:06 AM
Flag

Hide content
Your mom is being an ass, and it is absolutely reasonable and appropriate to NOT send out plus-ones to every single single person. No one should push you into something you're not comfortable with - especially when it comes to who you and your partner decide to share your special day with.
- Reply
Expert October 2021
Lisa · on March 4, 2020 at 11:54 AM
Flag

Hide content
We did not give everyone a plus one. Most of our guests are married or in a serious long term, relationship and both were invited. The few that got a plus one were those who were in a relationship at the time we made our guest list. Those who did not get a plus are not in a relationship and we don't want them to bring just a random person.
- Reply
Beginner October 2022
Emily · on March 4, 2020 at 11:56 AM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
This this this!! It’s definitely OK to not give everyone a plus one. My rule is: if they’ve been in a long-term relationship plus one is OK, or if the person will not know anyone at the wedding. It sucks to take on a wedding by yourself if you aren’t familiar with others, but if they have good friends that are going I would say no to a plus on.

It’s your wedding in the end! Moms will be upset but it’s your day so she will (hopefully) get over it eventually.
- Reply
Just Said Yes June 2021
Rebecca · on March 4, 2020 at 11:57 AM
Flag

Hide content
I’d tell her if she’d like to pay for all the extra plus ones you’d love to have them lol
- Reply
Just Said Yes April 2021
Brittany · on March 4, 2020 at 12:25 PM
Flag

Hide content
You are totally in the right. I am also doing the same thing. My personal guidelines for this is - if they are not either engaged or have a long time SO, then you do not get a plus one. It's YOUR wedding, do not feel guilt tripped into inviting people. Unless Mom is paying for these extra people to eat and drink, then it's not her decision to invite them.
- Reply
VIP September 2020
Molly · on March 4, 2020 at 12:30 PM
Flag

Hide content
The only people getting plus ones at my wedding are the people I know are in a committed relationship or if they don't know anyone else at the wedding.
- Reply

Just Said Yes May 2020
September · on March 5, 2020 at 11:51 AM
Flag

Hide content
Nothing about this is unreasonable. I didn't give plus ones to anyone if they weren't in a long term relationship or married. More guests means more money, plus I don't want random people there that I would be meeting at my wedding. If your mom wants to invite everyone she needs to have a wedding herself lol.
- Reply