Plus one

I'm getting married on the 28th. My future hubby and I only dated 2 months before moving in together, 5 months before we decided to have our son, started our own Real Estate Brokerage @ 10 months... and have been together for 7 years now before getting married.

You cannot put any amount of time onto anyone else. We're all wired different, and what you call serial dater... his next relationship or current relationship could be his "one".

If you plan to not give them a plus one, don't plan on them attending your wedding alone

Here's the thing you have to always allow for exceptions.

based on some people's rules here you should not invite your 19 year old cousin if you can't include the possible boyfriend but inviting the 17 year old younger cousin with the parents while excluding 19 year old is okay

How do you think that would go over?

You really think it's fair to say that's your choice or to cut your friend or your partners to "properly host" said persons date who you don't know exists

So all of you saying just cut the person if you can't include their new unknown so this is what you are possibly advocating. A 19 year old home for the summer doesn't get to go because she's over 18 and her college boyfriend of 1 month must be invited but her 17 year old sibling does. I'd love to be a fly on the wall at the next family get together after that.

This is a new concept for me. I have never been invited to a wedding without a +1. Our invite advised that they were allowed 1 guest. So we essentially accounted for 2 per invite in setting our budget.

I would never call your plan rude, but since you asked if it is rude - I would say yes it is. However, it's your wedding and you can invite whomever you like.

The plus one debate is always the same. Majority of people agree that anyone in a relationship should be invited with their SO. That is a fact.

People who truly believe they are correct when they are obviously in the minority always surprise me. However it's your wedding and whether or not you invite your guests' SO's will not effect my life. So take the advice or leave it.

@kristin at least one person responded to my earlier comment that it's never appropriate to treat someone over 18 as a minor for these situations when I pointed that say 18-23 should be a gray area and some folks have straight up said just don't invite the cousin

Applying that logic you arrive at that situation

Spaghetti, yes the majority of the people on this board would say everyone gets to bring their current BF or GF, even if recent relationship. But that is not what the majority of wedding etiquette books say. I will go with the latter.

My circle includes people who believe in inviting SO's. They are not etiquette book writers. I'll go with majority vote.

Also, from Peggy Post, in the NY Times

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/11/fashion/weddings/wedding-q-and-a.html

"A note about plus-one wedding invitation etiquette: The standard is that a guest’s spouse, partner or fiancé should also be invited. Nowadays, it’s also widely accepted that people in a serious relationship are invited as a couple, but doing so is entirely up to the hosts"

ETA -- Spaghetti, it is fine if you go with your circle. That does not mean others are rude if they do not.

Karen, a number of wedding etiquette books also advocate for expecting the bridal party to fulfill their "duties" and demanding that they be involved in planning that the bride and groom should be responsible for. That's total BS, and plenty of WW users agree that the BP should have to do nothing beyond show up in the requested attire and witness the couple's union as an honored guest. The things that PPs are saying are about common decency and not treating the people you love like crap. Majority or not, I'd rather listen to the advice of someone trying to treat their loved ones properly than the advice of someone saying "it's your day, do whatever you want, who cares how it impacts anyone else"

Alright, Ladies and Gents, I argue for a living - don't need to do it on here. Wish everyone the best, and hope you all have wonderful weddings, and happy marriages!

Mrs. Mack, please cite the books that "expect" the bridal party to fulfill their "duties."

We will have to agree to disagree with what is treating people properly.

I agree with one PP, that the guest may decline to come.

I laugh at the debates on Wedding Wire. I don't think the people who are extra strict on the "go over budget" or "don't invite that family member then" understand the family dynamics of a very close, or ethnic minority, or very Southern family. Or they are wealthy/have parental contribution so debt is a nonissue. It is sooooooo much worse to leave out a close family member in such cases than to not invite their non long term significant other. And it is also soooooo much worse to struggle on rent or bills to meet social obligations. Let's get off WW people and see what our actions look like in real life.

Also, randomly cutting off family members for not inviting a short term non married SO is ridiculous. I said it!.

Yes Karen, that means that nowadays people dont always follow proper etiquette. They have a I do what i want attitude.

Yeah it's rude. I was with an ex for 2 years and it was a dead end relationship. I was with FH for 2 weeks and we already knew we wanted to get married. Time doesn't dictate relationship strength

I agree that giving plus ones to all adults is the polite thing to do. (Also practical, what happens if someone gets married after you set your guest list?)

However, Julie is right about the Emily Post guidance, so I'm guessing a lot of people genuinely think that "engaged, married, or living together" is the correct etiquette. Why wouldn't they? It's Emily Post. I guess I'm just surprised at the shock/outrage people here express over this "cutoff" since it's the guideline I've seen brought up everywhere else (including places where people agree that "no ring, no bring" is incredibly rude).

I'm only inviting the spouses if their married or been together awhile because both sides of our family are huge and my FH and I have a budget we need to stay in since we are paying for it. I also did not invite kids except for wedding party

Karen, from page 77 of "The Everything Wedding Book" by Holly Lefevre that was gifted to me during planning:

"What are the maid of honor's duties?

The maid of honor is the bride's legal witness and personal assistant throughout the wedding process. Her more specific duties include:

Helping the bride with addressing envelopes and recording wedding gifts

Arranging/hosting a bridal shower

Assisting with shopping and other pre-wedding tasks"

I'm going to stop right there, but it goes on. There is even a section answering, "what to do if your attendants are fulfilling said duties. So yeah, they're out there.

Btw @shaba, I am from as far south as can be and still be in the U.S. I am from a close knit southern family. You know what I didn't do? "Sorry uncle R, I know you're finally dating again after being widowed but you haven't been dating long enough! Keep her butt at home!" When making my list I assumed what few singles I had wouldn't be single anymore. Truly single people won't get plus ones but those that did get a SO will be allowed to bring them.

You know what us southern families are big on? Hospitality. We believe in welcoming everyone with open arms. Not putting a bouncer at the door checking relationship statuses.

Mrs. Mack. One book, but thank you. I do not see Peggy Post saying this.

I don't blame you. I wouldn't want to pay $100 for my whorish cousins' random one night (or however long) flings. Do as you please. If you don't know them, haven't met them, or don't know them as your guests' significant other, your guest doesn't get a plus one.

ETA...unless they're married, engaged, or known significant other. Then they're invited by name.