Plus one

I dated H for 4.5 years before we got married. At 2 or 3 years in, (we were long distance and not living together as we didn't until we got married) his cousin got married and tried to do the "no plus ones" aka no ring no bring crap. I was visiting at the time of the wedding would literally be sitting at H's parents home by myself all day in a foreign country. They ended up getting enough "no's" and b-listed and allowed me and another long term girlfriend to come. I did and still do think it was super rude.

One of my good friends also did a "you have to be engaged, married, or dating for over a year" rule and I heard quite a few comments during the reception of people being offended over it, as some couples were invited but apparently others weren't "serious enough". Two of those couples that were told they're relationship isn't serious enough got engaged a couple months later.

Seriously don't do this. You don't have to do plus ones for single people or people who just started dating after invites went out. But you should invite people in relationships.

We didn't give true plus ones to the singles. I gave one to my single BM, who declined it. We invited everyone else who was in a relationship at the time of invites by name. If we didn't know about it, and it wasn't important enough to that person to make sure we did then I wasn't worried about it. We had one friend ask if she could bring her new bf, who is new since the invitations even went out and we were able to add him. We don't know him but it was important enough that she asked, so we said yes.

I get wanting to keep it people you know, but I also think it's unfair to say someone's relationship is "less than" because you don't know the person.

Yes I feel it is. I was engaged to my FH after 6 months of dating and we moved in together after 5 weeks. Does that mean prior to that our relationship was not serious enough to warrant a plus one? By your statements only one of us would fit criteria to get an invite to your wedding. I would not want to attend without him just because we haven't "been together long enough".

I was invited to a wedding when H and I had been dating for almost 4 years, and it was 2 months before he proposed. It wasn't right, but I knew going into it they had to make cuts. Only married couples got invited together, it did make me mad when people brought others even if they weren't invited.

I think plus ones should be an option. Especially for those who travel. I got married 200 miles from where I live, it was in my hometown, and I had friends who lived near me bring a plus one so they didn't drive alone.

When I was in college I was invited to a wedding at home and didnt get a plus one, but called and asked since I had to drive in. I realize it is rude, but it makes driving easier. H and I had been dating for 4 months and it was the second time he had met my parents and first for most of my family.

I personally do not find it rude. It is your wedding and should be able to decide who you want to be ablento celebrate with you. Weddings are very expensive and you are the one paying for them to come, so I personally do not find it rude.

I don't think you're being rude. I have a lot of cousins and so I drew the line at first cousins. When it's time for invitations to go out, unless they're living with/married/engaged to someone, they will be invited as singles with no plus one. There will be plenty of family members (parents, siblings, other cousins) in attendance for them to socialize with.

Just as another thought, people may bring a guest even if not invited. My cousin, after invitations went out, started dating some girl and now she is pregnant. He is 19, I think she is as well. That family had RSVPd with a few extra people so I had already told them the invitation was only for my uncle and my two cousins (as far as I knew no one was dating anyone).

Literally the first thing I saw as I was walking down the aisle was my cousin and his girlfriend.

Now... at this point I literally could not care less because I was walking down the aisle and I had bigger and better things to focus on. I just made it known to the venue as soon as I could. As it turned out we had about 10 people not show, but he assumed she was invited because they are dating. He's not wrong, she would have been if I had known about her! But you may want to consider this is a real thing that happens when you don't acknowledge someone's relationship.

I don't think your being rude. We aren't allowing friends plus ones unless they're truly committed to that person. Why would I want some flavor of the week at my wedding? They could get completely trashed and start a fight for all I know.

I'd cut it from 12 months down to 6 months but if that's what you can afford than do what you need to do. Don't listen to some of the people on here.. they get offended at any question and will call you rude over the silliest things.

For those of you saying "it's rude", just know that it shows how much you don't value said guests feelings or relationship.

These people are coming to your wedding, to witness your love and watch you say your vows, but you want to turn the tables and say "NAH, you can't bring the person you love because I don't care about your feelings it's MY WEDDING". JFS. How backwards. You cannot dictate what level someone's relationship is at by time or what you see. A relationship is between two people, and it's none of your business how serious those two people are.

@brd2be I also had a boyfriend all through college that I started dating at 18. He is now my husband. Age doesn't mean the relationship isn't serious.

We were always invited to each other's family events, including weddings. I went to his cousins wedding who I hadn't met, he went to mine. It was never a second thought and I never realized people did anything else until WW.

It's literally having empathy for others. You and your bf weren't offended? Good for you. Doesn't mean everyone feels that way. And it doesn't mean that as the bride they would tell you that. My cousin was mad he didn't get a plus one and my grandma asked if he was dating someone. He said no, so my grandma explained if he was dating someone he would. I didn't find out about this until my mom told me after the wedding. People don't tell the bride things.

But personally, I wouldn't take the chance of hurting a family member over one person who they are dating. Literally it's maybe a handful of people who could start dating someone between now and your wedding. If your whole guest list is thrown off and unaffordable by a few people, you have bigger issues.

If I would have been with my FH for 9 months and gotten an invite for myself only to a wedding, I'd assume it was an oversight and just show up with him anyway. If we're going to get into a challenge of rudenesses, I'm going to at least get a meal and some drinks out of it and enjoy a night out with my SO.

@brieliz i was not really trying to make it an age thing, at that particular time we did not really know eachothers families because we only saw eachother at school and thus I never thought twice about it. We will have to agree to disagree, I'll never subscribe to the idea that you are required to give every single person in a relationship at the time of your invites the ability to bring their SO.

To all those who are not inviting so (and incorrectly labeling them as plus ones) just be prepared that you'll have a lot of space open up when people decline, and the people who do go will probably have a shitty time. What's more fun than sitting at a table and watching everyone else dance with their so? I also don't buy the, we only want those closest with us there to celebrate with us so no plus ones, bs excuse. The day of you're going to be everywhere. You're not going to have time for much one on one celebrating but that guest you didn't invite with their so is going to have hours to sit by themselves.