Plus one

LOL at quoting Emily Post and thinking the reception is about you.

@augustlawbride

I don't think in any circumstance its okay to treat someone 18-23 years old as a 16 year old. Also, If they are 18 or older they should get their own invitation.

@QueSeraSera, so then I guessI can assume your guests are choosing how you get married, your venue, food, etc.? If not, then you can't say it's all about the guest.

If their SO doesn't even know either of you (met like once at a family reunion) I think married, engaged, or living together only. A year is a good cutoff too I think.

But think about this: if your cousin is soo offended that you didn't invite their current SO that they don't want to go all together, then that says more about them than it does you.

Example: my boyfriend (now fiancé) and I had been dating for 2ish years, one of his cousins got married but he didn't get a plus one. I wasn't offended at all! I'm the girlfriend from college that met you last Christmas, you have a budget, I get it. That being said, now that we are engaged for several months, I defiantly be confused if they invited him and not me. Are they being unsupportive of our relationship?

So I guess what I'm saying is: consider each person with the perspective of "would I be super upset if this person wasn't able to come (or chose not to because they couldn't bring someone)". Sit down with your fiancé and talk about each person. Hope this helps!

At the end of the day, it's your wedding and it's about what the couple thinks is right for them.

The entitled air around weddings drives me crazy.

Yes it's your day - for you to be married. It's not your day to act like a brat, throw rules and common decency out the window, and be a total B because "I'M THE BRIDE, BITCHES"

*This is in response to the 'THIS IS ABOUT ME' sentiment in general that's been rampant on the threads lately, not specifically this post

Julie it goes like this

Ceremony = all about you and FH. This is the part that MAKES IT A WEDDING

Reception - Party/dinner/whatever you want to throw to thank your guests for witnessing your marriage.

@brd2be you said "I dont buy the BS idea that you have to cut your guest list so that you can 'properly host' cousin susies flavor of the month."

You aren't supposed to be properly hosting your "cousin susies flavor of the month"

You are supposed to be properly hosting your cousin Susie.

If cousin Susie has a boyfriend/girlfriend, cousin Susie can bring them. If they are single when invitations go out, you can make the call on if you want to add a plus one or not.

If you can't properly host cousin Susie, don't invite cousin Susie.

@emily exactly!!!

@Nicole, I agree, but also don't think you should have to cut people who have been very important in your life out to make room for new SOs.

It IS about the guest.

I don't drink at all but I'm providing them with an open bar.

If it was all about ME, I'd have a dry wedding since I couldn't care less about alcohol.

We'd also prefer a smaller wedding, but we are allowing EVERYONE who is in a relationship to bring their significant other even if we've never met them.

@munchkin9218, I agree with that. But you choice YOUR guests because they are important to your life. Why should you have to cut important people out to make room for new SOs?

@QueSeraSera, maybe the issue here is that society has lost the focus of a wedding. They aren't like this at all in Europe. I am also having a small very intimate wedding, which is why I won't invite new SOs. Again, why cut out the people who you would invite to make room for someone you wouldn't?

Because YOUR guest you claim to care so much about cares about this person! You are disrespecting their relationship by ignoring it.

This is why we always say to build your guest list around everyone single possibly being in a relationship by the time invites go out. That way, if you planned correctly, this wouldn't be an issue in the first place.

We didn't cut out anybody. We invited all family, close friends, and any friends we've seen / talked to within the last calendar year. And then we accounted for all the significant others, so the number grew, but again, didn't cut out anybody..

It is not about being smug or judging a relationship, it is accepting how people have chosen to define their own relationship. If they say they are engaged, they are engaged. No requirement not to invite every BF and GF in any etiquette book. Some would say extend to long term or live in.

Allowing everyone a casual BF or GF means you have no idea who will be showing up. Could be an ex of a member of the wedding party or a registered sex offender.

@Kristin, to me that doesn't say "your relationship isn't important to me." When my fiancé went to one when we had only been together a few months it said to me "marriage is an intimate ceremony, and I would like to keep it that way."

I guess we all have different ideas of what weddings should be. But not everything has to be taken as a personal slight against a SO. Some things certainly are, but others can be about budget and intimacy.

@futureMrsPolver I know it's not popular but if their parents are still paying their bills and they are being invited as a part of that family unit they are still living life as a minor even if their age might not technically make them such. it is a different situation than an independent adult. Just like you wouldn't expect an independent gift from said child or for them to come without their parents. We live in age where not everyone becomes an adult overnight at 18.

@brieliz maybe this is just from my experience, but I had a boyfriend all through college. I went a few family weddings during that time, and he was not invited to any of them. And vice versa, his cousin got married and I did not get invited. Neither of us were offended at all, in fact we didn't even think twice about it. We saw each other mainly at school and they (wedding hosts) had never even met us. I did not for a second think that they were obligated to invite me nor would I have expected it. My entire family was at the wedding, I spent my time catching up with them and enjoying myself. It's an unpopular opinion here obviously but sorry, no you are not going to convince me my 18 year old cousin needs to bring her boyfriend to our wedding and that I am a terrible host because of it.

@kristen and @nicole, I simply do not think its about "looking down on" or "disrespecting" so long as you stick to that view for everyone. Not getting an invitation for anyone is never a slight, often it just means there isn't space (talking about individuals who have been cut outside of this discussion).

@kristin, and you can politely call and explain or choose how to proceed at that point.

But honestly, most of the RSVPs with non-invited plus one's I've seen have come from singles who automatically think they get a plus one.

I don't believe I have any couple where one party won't be invited bc our friend group is so close knit. But I understood when I wasn't invited, and I think we need to stop taking everything as a personal slight.