Plus one

This happened to me at my cousin's wedding. We were told that no plus ones. I had been with my boyfriend almost a year, maybe 9 months. When we got there, some of my other cousins had their SO with them!

I'm still annoyed and it was 9 years ago.

You might think it's not a big deal but it's showing your guests that you value some more than others.

@smox Like I said, truly single people are not getting plus ones. if my cousin is in a relationship when we go to send invites in 5 months, then we will re evaluate. But sorry i will never agree that its 'logic' to give every single person the ability to bring a guest to your wedding. your right though, maybe i should cut said cousin from the guest list. I bet that won't hurt her feelings more than not being able to bring her new non-existent boyfriend.

Brd2be, plus ones are ONLY for truly single people. Significant others are not plus ones.

I wouldn't give serial daters a plus one. Its your day. lol

@k squared, yes I know.

@brd2be Still a bad host. And you may refuse to see why that's so, but that's your problem. It's rude as a host to be selective on who gets to bring a date/guest/spouse based on your own opinion of their relationship, and whether or not they deserve one. Your 18 year old cousin is a legal adult and should be invited with a plus one. But you've obviously chosen to go the other route and be flat out rude, so good luck.

I didn't know Pippa Middleton was on WW...

No but seriously, you are choosing to get married. That means you believe in the sanctity of love and the bond between two people. And then you turn around and tell someone else their partnership means nothing. It's not only rude, it's downright hypocritical. Like someone else said, what if this is the one for them? It's rude to judge other's relationships on the day you are honoring yours. Yours is no better than theirs.

You are being ridiculous. All people in relationships get to bring their SO. It is not a plus one.

Yes, these shitty, arbitrary rules are rude. You invite all SOs.

"No ring, no bring" is so fucking insulting - my H and I have never even been to a wedding where the bride and groom's relationship was longer than ours. I didn't get a ring until almost 9 years in; so when we were dating 8 years and owned a home together, that wouldn't be considered serious enough for an invite under the "no ring no bring" rule?!

Somehow, rhyming makes it even worse.

How old are these cousins? If they are minors, they shouldn't get a plus one.

H and I were together for 4.5 years before we were engaged and 6 years before we were married. We moved in together after 6 months. He didn't meet some cousins until the wedding because they live across the country.

If my cousins would have said, prior to our marriage, that he couldn't come to their weddings because there was no ring and they never met him... the relationship with my cousins would have ended right then and there.

You really can't say come support my relationship, but oh by the way I don't respect yours.

ETA: clarity

Okay so when in doubt, Emily Post. You DO NOT have to give everyone a plus one or invite all significant others. The rule for plus ones is they have to be given for people who are: Married, engaged, or living together. All others are optional to the bride and groom's discretion.

@Julie - well that would've sucked for me.

FH and I didn't live together until 7 years into our relationship and didn't get engaged until 9 years!

Luckily, everyone who invited us to their wedding during that time was NICE and not rude and invited both of us.

I know a lot of folks are saying over 18 but I think if someone is between 18 and about 23 and being invited with their parents (think college aged cousin) and does not have a SO who is regularly at family functions it's okay to treat them more like a 16 year old and consider not inviting the SO. I know this will be unpopular and some will say they dated their future spouse in college and would be insulted but if you're still considering them part of the parents family/social unit rather than separate then it's a bit different. And I think it's unfair to the friend who got cut (or b listed)because 19 year old Susie MIGHT want to bring the guy she met at spring break. And no in some cases you can't just not invite the 19 year old cousin who is in college but otherwise still living at home.

It is best to give a plus one, but if it is family, so they will know tons of people there, and aren't in a long term relationship, I think its fine. The point of plus one fir singles is so they won't get lonely. I think its fine to cut at the point you have for budget reasons.

Trust me, people will be more offended at not being invited at all than not being able to bring a 3 mth S.O.

You shouldn't go into debt over this if its out if your budget. Do what you can.

@QueSeraSera, but that was at their discretion. At the end of the day it is about the bride and the groom, no one else. It is in there right to choose not to invite someone. Now, of course cases like yours are different, but that doesn't mean everyone needs a plus one. My fiance went to weddings without me when we had been together for 6 months because not only did they not know me, they literally didn't have the budget.

BUT, unless you limit it to the traditional etiquette, no, its not fair to allow some to bring SO and not others. If you choose to invite those over a year who are merely still simply dating, you need to allow others to bring their SO.

It's your wedding. Do what you want.

If you're worried about a serial dater, don't address the invitation to their SO, and put plus one instead. Otherwise, even if they split up, the SO still has an invitation to the wedding. Once you address it to them, you can't take it back.

Wow Julie. No. It's about the guest, not you. If you want it all about you, then don't invite anyone to your wedding

@kristen that's simply not true. A wedding is celebrating the couple. It's not about anyone's relationship besides their own. That's why there are etiquette rules about it. Now can you pick and chose whose relationship you deem to be going somewhere based on time? Of course not, but you can choice to only invite those who are married, engaged, or living together - so long as you don't give exceptions.