Planning My Own Bridal Shower

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Also, the time was figured out for the shower mid day yesterday while my older sister was at work. They set the party from 4-6 pm. So we are driving just over 1.5 hours to have a 2 hour shower.

FH asked if they were contributing to the wedding. I've never been told by them but other members of my family have said "You know your mom will help you pay for some of it." But I said to not expect the money since she can barely pay her bills because she pays my twin and my one older sister's bills and I give my mom money to pay her bills. Which I have stopped doing. I said that even if she did offer, I don't want to take the money because every week from here on out I will hear my mom complain that she gave money for our wedding and am so terrible to her. FH said we should take it because they owe me a lot for dealing with them all these years and I've given them much more than what they were going to give me. Lol. So I don't know what is going to happen.

Wow. Just wow.

I really don't even know what advice to give at this point, this is just so crazy. I wish there was a way your MOH and sister could work together on this so there isn't any underlying tension going forward but your sister seems so unreasonable and your MOH isn't taking her shit at all lol.

I'm so sorry your sisters are nuts. Your twin sounds like she needs a psychiatrist.

I hope everything works out! I personally would cancel.

My mother just called me and yelled at me asking why I was making my older sister so upset. She just kept yelling at me so I finally just said "Ok. Fine. We'll do whatever you want." and hung up. She said why would I inconvenience 2/3 of my guest list just because my friends live up here by me. Note: the place they have is 30 minutes from most of the family guests. Where we would have it up here, it would be 30-40 minutes from most of the family guests, 10 minutes from us and 10-20 minutes from all of our friends. I am just crying and want this all to be over. I know they are going to make that 2 hour shower that is over 1.5 hours away from us absolutely miserable. I've been fearing it ever since she forced me to say yes. And I have hated every time they talk to me about it. I just want to cancel the wedding because I know that they are going to continue to make me miserable from here until the wedding and do who knows what on the wedding day itself. It's impossible for this to be a happy time with them around. I just can't deal with this. Especially not for another 6 months. I dread every time I get a text or call from them because I know it's just to yell at me to make sure I do whatever they want and then yell at me later for agreeing to it just to shut them up.

Pancakes *hugs*

I'm no doctor, but I'm pretty sure your sisters and mother need to be admitted to a psychiatric facility. My older sister is also batshit crazy and I cut her out of my life about 4-5 years ago. She was not invited to my wedding. I honestly don't know how you'd enjoy this process or your wedding having such negative and toxic people in your life. Especially them being family members. I just hope you are able to enjoy your special day and not have them do something absolutely absurd.

You need to not even deal with these people any longer. Tell them shower is cancelled and not entertain anymore of this craziness with them. WOW. I know that's easier said than done, I have plenty of my own family issues but they are being terrible to you and it sounds like your MOH has everything in order to do it all.

Oh pancakes you do not deserve this! I'm a bit.. A lot of a push over too so I totally understand. It's so hard to say no to people BC all you want is no conflict and to not Inconvinience anyone. Trust me, I understand. But sweetheart, you've got to put that foot down. Unless they are positively affecting other aspects of your wedding and life you just need to cut off contact for a while.

Have you thought about letting your friends and MOH throw your shower and invite the family members you get along with, not your sisters and mom? And maybe think about eloping or having a small ceremony with only your friends/family that don't harass and intimidate you..

I'm gonna agree with kahlcara a little bit. Just tell your sister thanks, but no thanks - the shower is cancelled. And if she keeps giving you all this bullshit (like it seems she is doing and will do if you contradict all of her "hard work") just keep repeating "thanks, but no thanks - the shower is cancelled" until the shuts the f--- up. This is causing you way too much unnecessary drama. Then just let your MOH plan it and don't invite your mother and sister since they are obviously just bringing you down. You should feel 100% loved and supported by the women in attendance at your shower (and also your wedding!) and it doesn't sound like they love, support, or even respect you, to be painfully honest.

Tell your sister to take her invites and shove them up her ass and have your MOH plan your shower! She shouldn't be giving you so much stress over your shower. {{HUGS}}

Okay, so I read all these texts multiple times. Yes, it's clear that your sister's are psychotic, BUT, at this point, even though it's a 40 minute or so drive one-way (I'm assuming you mean 1.5hr round trip, bc Mentor to Twinsburg/Hudson area is at most 40 mins; I'm just assuming Mentor, not really sure where exactly but you commute dt, so most likely you are no further than a 40 ish drive to Twinsburg/Hudson) I think your 10 closest friends would be happy to drive that, and that keeps your sister's from being loony to you and then your MOH can just stay on top of things with them and if she truly is willing to spend $200, then she can spend it on catering (I remember you saying it's was like $6 or so pp) instead of a new venue. I know you don't want to inconvienece anyone but last year I drove from North Olmsted to Akron, Kirtland and Cuyahoga Falls for these types of events, it's not that big of a deal. Right now, I'd concentrate on getting some stress alleviated and worrying about how some people may feel about the drive really isn't worth the stress. People love you and will make that drive to celebrate with you. I personally would have zero problem driving to Hudson/Twinsburg to attend a shower.

Obviously this is only a short term solution and it is a more passive approach than I wouldn't normally suggest, but at this point, with you being kind, passive and not wanting to make waves, I'd say take the path of least resistance with the shower venue and call it a day.

I hope you had a better weekend after this insanity!!

It isn't Twinsburg. My MOH probably said that because I used to live there. The address is Hudson but it's very south and not easy to get to off the freeway. My friends said they have no issue driving. The issue I am having is that my family is full of controlling psychotic a holes who are incapable of allowing anything to be about something else than them. I have had to plan every part of this shower. But if it was just that, it would be fine. It's that I get yelled at every step of the way and constantly degraded and pushed around because they need to get what they want. I've always done everything for them and I've always been treated like this so I shouldn't have felt it would be any different. I'm just tired of this. Those family members have made this a disaster every step of the way. Nothing that involved them during this wedding planning has been pleasant. I took my mom dress shopping with me the first time I went and she ignored me. She called family members crying, saying I was not allowing her to come dress shopping. I drove the 50 minutes to Northfield with cake samples and she refused to try it. Then told family that I was intentionally scheduling tastings to exclude her. My older sister whined that she never was involved in anyone else's wedding and she's not going to find someone to marry so she dragged me down until I gave up and said fine, plan my shower. And so much more. I've been dreading this shower since day 1. It is going to be horrible because those people don't give a crap about me. They just need me to do stuff for them and pay their bills. I'm just tired of it. But yeah, I'll just give up and say she's planning it which means I'll have to plan it and continue to get treated this way and pay for it.

Maybe next time it comes up just say the above to them! What is the worst case scenario? You have to block them from your phone? Sounds like that may still be a positive for you/FH. Best case, you earn some respect, and or set some boundaries. Since none of us are in your exact shoes, it's so much easier to say "do this, do that" of course. And none of us know the consequences you face if you do hold your ground, so I understand that it's probably 20x more difficult than it seems. At any rate, I hope things get better for you. This is not something you should be dealing with

If you really want to distance yourself and cut them off.....Do it now. Call them or text them, but tell them this whole shower thing was a mistake and you've decided it will be easier if your MOH handles it. If they're mad or your mother yells, so what. Don't answer their texts or their calls. They don't matter. If they complain to family and the family takes their side, either explain your side of things or be prepared to let them go as well. And stop protecting them from your FH. He is your biggest alley and he could step in and do they things, say the things, you are incapable of. And if he were in this picture more they might back the hell off!

You've given them chance after chance after chance. It's time to start ignoring them. They can't yell at someone who doesn't take their crazy calls or listen to them. It's not fair that you have to demand decent treatment, but you deserve it!

I agree with MrsA2B. There is no need for anyone, let alone family, to act this way! Tell her the shower is off and that you refuse to put up with this bs anymore. You don't have to be bullied by her and you won't...end of story! Since these are your family and friends that are invited to the shower, text/call/email and tell them that there has been a change of plans and the shower is off. Let your MOH throw you the shower you deserve! If your sister or mother call or text to throw a fit, don't answer them! There is no reason that you should feel that, just because they are family, that their behavior is acceptable and to be permitted. If they get pissed off because you cancelled the shower, what would they do? It doesn't sound like a great loss if your sister cuts you out of her life. OR....if she did actually send out all the invites, buy the stuff, pay the fees, etc, just let her "plan" the shower, then go and make the best of it (with your MOH at your side)....then cut her out if you feel that is the thing to do. I know all of this is easier said than done and much easier for us over here on this side. I am so sorry. ***hugs***