Planning My Own Bridal Shower

Telling someone to cut her mom out of her life is not a good idea ladies. Think about what we are saying! this is real life!!! No you should not be treated like this.... Dont ans phone, Dont open text if there is a fit being thrown over something. Have your shower with sister and mom ,get over that day, Dont have friend there, and moh have something small in your town. I'm sure you will have a ball with your friends.Maybe do something out of the box, maybe a pantie and bra shower, something silly and fun!!!

Pancakes, I can relate to your situation. I have a VERY pushy family. They're pure bullies at times. I was raised by a gambler/alcoholic/estranged mother who left me (around 11-16 when I moved out) with 3sibs, and whoever she was out withs kids for long stretches. (Record was 11 kids for 4 days (2 were babies) in a house with little food!) time record was a solid week w my sibs while she was playing house w her bf at his place) As adults, my mom moved herself and my 3 sibs (they were teens/young adults) into my tiny apartment and refused to leave (took 3 yrs to get em out! Not easy!) I paid all the bills, food, etc. even after she moved, I was still footing her bills. Like you, I just did what she wanted because it was easier then facing her wrath. But, it was interfering with my sons quality of life, so, I had to stop. (Not for me but him. If it wasn't for my son, I'd likely have continued). Getting her moved out and cut off financially was the first of MANY battles fought (and won) by me. Turns out, the more your backbone grows and shows, the easier it gets!! Fh has been an awesome support for me. My family flipped for about 2 yrs after fh and I became close and moved in together. They literally believed that I should never marry or live w a man or have a bf around my son until he was 18 and moved out. (Even if fh and I had a child together lol). It took years of fighting with them to get where we are now. I refuse to let anyone dictate how I live and will NEVER let them control me. The less I allow them to push me, the better things have gotten. I cut them out for a while when they first tripped about fh and I living together. Didn't call it accept calls. Didn't attend family functions. Nothing. After months of being cut off, they accepted my choices and apologized. My sister had a few rude moments (where I promptly told her to leave my home for being disrespectable to fh) but I held my ground and kept the ground rules I set out for them. It was NOT easy. We are talking over 10 yrs of fighting this battle. But I've won! Things are better. I love these people in spite of the past. And, now that I have a backbone and they know it, I actually enjoy spending time with them! They realize the moment they cross the line, I will shut them out. For years if need be. So, they tread lightly. It's up to you. It's not easy. But, I recommend fighting back IF you want to attempt to have a relationship with these people. Cancel the shower. Don't allow them to treat you this way. Ever. Change your phone number. Do not allow them to control your life! Good luck. I hope things get better! Hugs.

Amanda - Yikes. Kudos for you. I don't see myself ever doing that. But, it does look like it is cancelled, now. My MOH said she is going to throw me a bridal shower, and I am still having the one for FH's family out in Michigan, so they don't have to worry about driving 3-4 hours to come by our house.

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And this is the FIRST time I have ever spoken up for myself with her or anyone, so I understand that I wasn't exactly a model citizen in this group of texting, either. It's just funny because she reminds me of Gob from Arrested Development. "You're going to mess with the guy in the $2,000 suit?!" "Ha. You're going to say that to me in my $4,000 suit?" "In my $7,000 suit." Lol. The numbers and facts just keep changing. Keeps you on your toes, I guess. Keeps the story interesting. I invited her to see Kinky Boots on Thursday with me for free since FH is out of town for business this week. So that's what that part was about. And I guess she texted FH today. But he didn't respond because, you know, you can't text on airplanes. Small detail.

Stop paying their bills or the rest of your life will be disastrous.

Well its always rocky the first time you stand up for yourself, but keep it up, she will eventually get used to it and start respecting you more. By you standing up for yourself you may actually be able to improve your relationship with her over time.

O dear....I dont think this is over yet.... Plan on a call from your mom! Dont ANS!!!! You might want to think about having just a friend shower!

YAY PANCAKES!!!! I just read the last texts after my stop paying their bills texts haha. I'm sooooooo sorry you have to go through that. Seriously. My brother and I don't get along, but it's not like this, we simply just rarely ever speak, like ever. They're toxic. It seems like you have awesome friends who are sane, stick to your FH, stick to you friends and pull away. It must be really hard because yes, you want to be close to your family but no one NO ONE deserves that type of treatment. I mean, I got anxiety just reading the texts from her so I can't imagine how you feel. I just wanted to say I'm sorry because at a time that's supposed to be fun, you're upset but I'm so glad you stuck up for yourself. Please know you are not ungrateful, and everything mean she said about you isn't true (even thought I don't know you personally I can tell just by the conversation who the crazy person is). Not worth it. Family or not, it's just not worth it. You need to cut negativity and drama out of your life. *Hugs, hugs and more hugs again

Col, if their mum (or any family) is poisonous, then yes it is a good idea to advise folk to cut those people from their life.

I've seen first hand the damage that can be done keeping people like this in your life - "family" isn't DNA, it's support and love without this sort of manipulation. This is not "family".

Good on ya Pancakes. I honestly hope things are much smoother going forward for you. All the best.

You can get the same result without cutting family out of your life. I agree she should not be treated like this. Amanda said it best.

YAY! Pancakes for sticking up for yourself!! Your sister sounds a lot like my sister. Screws things up then blames everyone else for her mistakes.

I agree with MissGeek. Family doesn't necessarily mean blood. My oldest sister tried causing a lot of problems for our family. We haven't spoken to her in almost 15 years. It's a sad situation when family becomes strangers but sometimes it has to be done.

I'm super late, but I'm sorry for your family situation. I hope that shower non-sense is really over. Don't back down. The thing with those type of people is that no matter how hard you try to please them or do what they say, they will always end up burning you. No matter how hard you try they will not learn or change. I get that it's super hard to stand up to them, but you have to. It might even hurt to cut them off, but in the long run it'll allow you to live a happy and healthy life.

I'm glad that you're planning to cut them out of your life after the wedding, but I think as the others have said that now is a good time. They don't appreciate you, and nobody deserves to be treated the way you're being treated by them. Despite it being a hassle and a lot of emotional effort, you cannot allow them to walk over you. It WILL affect you long term, and can affect your relationship with your FH. If you need to talk to somebody on how to deal with them, there's no shame in speaking with a trained counselor.

When you cut them off they may come crying again, but I'd be extremely wary of allowing them into your life at all. Good luck, and stay strong Pancakes!

Good for you, @Pancakes!

That's awesome pancakes! Good on you for standing your ground! Do not give in! I tell myself (and my family) all the time "If I say NO I mean NO" IF you want these people in your life, you have to stick with what you originally say and offer no wiggle room. Good luck! And enjoy your shower!

Got this text last night. I never uninvited her from anything. She uninvited me from a charity walk this weekend, though. And also, before she allowed the shower to be cancelled, told my MOH that it would be best if her and all of my friends didn't attend the bridal shower down there and did our own. My family does this a lot. Treats me like this and then realize a couple days later they need me and pretend to be nice again. The walk she's talking about gets free access to expensive museums by us, so she wants to go. The link is on my FB and I emailed it to her, so I know she has it.

This is truly awful Pancakes. I was raised to think I was worthless, but at least I never had to deal with BS this bad. I'm genuinely angry on your behalf.

I can't see one good reason to keep these people in your life. It doesn't mean shit that they're your sisters and mother... they seem to bring you nothing but heartache. You say they're only nice to you when they want something; that is WORSE than being mean and nasty all of the time. Stop responding to them. Your responses just fuel their drama. In a roundabout way, you're giving them permission to treat you like this. Standing up for yourself is as easy as not responding.

I hope things will get better for you soon.

Your MOH sounds like a badass! I say let her handle everything. Shes the backbone and support you need in times like this...you definitely made the right choice in picking her as a MOH. I'm sure she'll throw something nice for you. Good luck with your sister - she sounds like a total drama queen! Hopefully MOH or someone can talk some sense into her.