No kids at my wedding, not even newborns

To each their own, I guess.

I am glad I don't have any friends that would put their wants over my own on my wedding day.

@Beautivant you are correct and I apologize. I don't know why I answered that way (other than just replying impulsively to the question) without explaining what I meant because I think it would be more hurtful to the person in question to not be invited IF they are a close loved one. However, I do think it's rude to invite without the infant than to not invite at all. It's just more hurtful not to invite at all, but it's not rude necessarily. If a person is a close loved one, I don't know why you wouldn't make an exception for an infant coming with mom from out of town (especially a cross-country flight, like in the OP's case), provided mom steps out if the baby starts to fuss. By not inviting the infant, you're basically insuring that mom won't attend because many moms won't take cross-country trips without their infants. I know the OP said she's fine with this, but in the same breath, she's talking about how important the presence of these guests is. It doesn't seem like it's all that important if that's how she feels.

I agree with that. And if it makes me rude, I will accept it. I just assume people will decline (and with good reason). To answer your question, I don't want to make an exception because, in my experience, people do not actually take their crying/fussing baby/infant/toddler out of the room. They just don't. Everyone always says that, but people just don't do it. Or they do, but only after minutes of trying to calm the child down first. Sorry I am not sorry, but in a 10-15 minute ceremony, if your child cries through 4 minutes of it, I am not going to be a happy bride. I realize I am the UO here, but it's how I feel and I don't apologize for it.

Please enlighten me. What are women's breasts for again? TO FEED OUR BABIES. That's it. That's how god made us. Lol

Some people are squeamish to breastfeeding and they're the ones that have a problem haha.. if someone ever told me to put my boob away at a wedding because I was feeding my newborn child. Id be so offended Because I would never sit in the bathroom to feed.

You're clearly ignorant lol but it's ok a lot of people are if they dont have kids. I promise if you ever become a mom you'll look back and understand that you wouldn't leave your newborn for more then a couple hrs

"I don't want to make an exception because, in my experience, people do not actually take their crying/fussing baby/infant/toddler out of the room. They just don't."

At my wedding they did. I had three kids under the age of 2 and one kid under the age of 3 at my wedding. I never noticed a thing, although the 14-month-old did get fussy at one point, because Dad immediately stepped out. It was only on the video that we caught the second of fussing before Dad stood up, baby in-hand, and was out the door. I guess it's a know-your-crowd thing.

@Beautivant I think there's a difference in not inviting kids including babies and trying to specifically tell someone that you would rather them decline because they have a baby. If you would prefer someone decline, don't invite them whatever your reason is and be prepared for the consequences. In this case not inviting someone because they have a newborn and telling them that you would prefer they decline because they have a newborn both will probably be a friendship ender. So to your point, if someone wants me to decline because I have a baby and they feel strongly enough THAT OVER A YEAR BEFORE THEIR WEDDING they want to decide that they'd rather me decline than risk a possibility that I might choose to bring the baby or reach out to them, then yeah I'd rather not be invited.

And I think the point in people saying they hope OP gets invited and told they'd rather her not come than bring her newborn is an attempt to point out there's a difference in just not inviting a child and having to make a decision that is best for your family and being told I'd rather you not come if you're even thinking about bringing your very young infant.

Well this escalated quickly.

OP I'll extend an apology to you since you've clarified your stance. Your policy is totally fine, your original approach was just really harsh. Would it be ideal for newborns to be invited? Yes. But when you become a parent, you do so with the understanding that social sacrifices have to be made. I don't think it's fair to expect that your child will be invited to a wedding. I'll be leaving my 7 month old with family when I attend an adults only wedding next week. When he was a newborn, I would've done the same. If I couldn't find a sitter, I would stay home and send a card. I don't think an adults only wedding is the crisis that it tends to be made out to be.

I see what you're saying, augustlawbride. I really do. Doesn't change the fact that not everyone in this world thinks babies are sweet little bundles of joy. Doesn't change the fact that I don't want your crying, smelly, gonna-make-you-have-to-leave-early-anyway-baby at my wedding.

I just think people shouldn't get offended if their kids aren't invited. And to that same affect, I think couples shouldn't be offended when they receive declines because they have chosen not to include full families.

ETA: All the props to La Grosera for GETTING IT.

"I am glad I don't have any friends that would put their wants over my own on my wedding day"

Beautivant, you know very well that no one cares more about your wedding than you. Especially over their newborn children. Sorry but if the choice was leave my newborn across the country for a wedding or skip out, I'd definitely skip out. Don't know how you categorize that as a "want"

Oh gosh, I didn't mean that. Not at all. I fully expect someone to simply decline in this situation.

I meant if someone brought their kid when I asked them not to. Because they assume a newborn should clearly be an exception.

I disagree with AL as well. My first night out, after my daughter was born, was two weeks after she was born. We attended a Christmas Party. My parents were at our house with her. All was fine, the world did not end.

Everyone is different, so one cannot say that one way or the other is the way that it is.

@beautivant and to be clear I feel the same way about any stipulations on invitations that are I would rather you decline then come if you do something that would be normal for you. If it wasn't a baby but I'd rather you decline if your going to wear blue or come with you lover or not come to the morning after brunch or whatever, then I think we'd agree this is not someone who the host needs to invite. They are entitled to not invite them but to me if you're having to stipulate an invitation with I'd rather you decline if your going to do this thing I know is totally normal for you then I think you need to rethink if that's someone you really care about and be prepared for the consequences. I can tell you if I got a call that said I'd rather you decline than do whatever you wouldn't probably have to worry about me being there because I would be questioning if you knew/trusted me to be there. And I would likely be questioning our friendship because I trust my friends to make rational decisions for themselves and their families.

And @kathy I'm not sure if that's aimed at me but I think it is again very different to let someone choose to do that than to tell them you expect them to decline and would rather then decline if they don't want to leave their child especially when you are talking about a very young infant (which it turns out OP is not) that may have a biological need to be close to its mother.

I understand how you feel because that is how we feel. As much as we love and want our OOT family and friends there, if they need to bring their child/baby they can stay home, as any children/baby is not invited to our wedding.

On our first detail card we sent out with the save the dates we included at the top:

"Adult Only Event

Unfortunately, we are unable to host children and babies at the wedding. No exceptions and no accommodations will be made. With respect, we would like our special day to be an adult only occasion. We appreciate and thank you for the understanding."

No one was offended as we are being fair to all. My friend and FH's cousin's wife are both OOT and got pregnant last summer 3 months after our announcement and they both gave birth this May. They knew from the start we did not want kids or babies there and everyone understood. His cousin was actually excited because he was going to make it a getaway weekend from the baby lol.

On our second detail card that we will send out with our invitations we will include at the top:

"Childcare

As our wedding is adults only, for any guest interested we are referring Danielle -----, owner of ---- ----- ------- for our guest’s children and babies. Danielle is located at ---- ------ ------, City, State, zip, approximately 28 minutes from the venue. Please contact her at area code---number if you are interested in her services."

@Sarah, very well said.

@augustlawbride, no I was not directing my comment at you. I was responding to A.L.'s comment. I also never said that anyone should be told that they are expected to decline. Not my words, not my monkey. ;-)

Personally, I do not like children at events such as weddings, and adult focused parties.

Kathy, I'm going to go out on a limb and assume your Christmas party wasn't clear across the country.

@Elizabeth, that is true. The party I attended was not across the country.

What I responded to was a post that women "cannot leave their newborn with grandma". Umm, yes, they can. That posts did not specify across the country, just that moms cannot leave their newborns. That is false.

Kathy, I think most people know that moms will leave a newborn for a few hours. It's the flying across the country thing that I think most mothers would never do when they have a newborn/infant at home.

'One can only hope that when you have one or two sweet little bundles of joy'

Um maybe she can't have a 'sweet bundle of joy' or doesn't want a 'sweet bundle of joy' or maybe she just doesn't think babies are 'sweet bundles of joy.'

I'm with Beautivant 100% on this one.

A lot of people on this thread are assuming ones who feel this way don't have children and that's not necessarily the case. I'm just not one who has an entitled attitude that someone else absolutely must accommodate my children at their wedding ceremony or that the world suddenly revolves around me when I have children.

I've read this whole thread, and OP, what concerns me is your apparent hostility and defensiveness of your decision. It's Ok to make the decision, but you may offend people with your anger/attitude. It would be good to be mindful of how you're being perceived.