No kids at my wedding, not even newborns

'if you think so little of me as a person/friend/parent that you don't think I can properly take care of my child at your event, '

The decision to have a child free wedding is not about one individual guest's parenting skills. I had one guest complain behind my back about my wedding being childfree that, 'well my children are always well behaved at weddings,' as if my decision to have a childfree wedding was based solely on thinking this one family's children were naughty.

As I said above, guests need to see that there may be a bigger picture as to why this couple have chosen an adult's only evening.

"If telling people not to put anything about who isn't invited on the invitation makes me holier-than-thou, then I'll take it proudly."

Elizabeth, I didn't put anything about that on the invitations. Outside the STD's and soon invitations were only adults labeled as Ms/Mrs/Mr. That's why detail cards are created when a couple doesn't have a website to answer any possible questions or yes, if people assume they can bring their kids even when the invitation and STD is addressed only to the parents.

@Natalie, it's not wanting a child free event being about one's parenting skills, but rather the idea that the OP and other posters feel the need to specifically contact them to tell them the choice they need to make sure they make the choice the child free wedding hostess feels appropriate rather than trusting they'll make a reasonable choice themselves or cross the no exceptions line (and deal with the possible consequences) when you get to it. It's including the card, making the calls, etc. before the parents/family have even RSVP'd that's rude and annoying. I can tell you if someone called or told me before a wedding that they wanted to make sure I knew my hypothetical future children weren't invited to their wedding, I'd be upset not because the children weren't invited, but they didn't trust I could read an invitation and make the best decision for myself and my family.

@Elizabeth I'm just speaking from experience as to weddings I have been invited to in the past. When I've received an invitation with "adults only" I automatically know that I will be declining. Simple statement of fact.

I feel like I need to clarify my last statement. Or maybe I don't, but I still feel like I should. Oh, and if it helps, while I was writing this, my inner dialogue was in the tone of "chatting with a friend over coffee" rather than "aggressive angry person"

To me there is a difference between simply wanting an adult-only event vs. assuming the worst of everyone. For goodness sakes OP's friends' children haven't even been born yet and she's already worried about exposed breasts and that her friends may not realize that getting to the wedding with a baby is going to be annoying if they have to take a plane or car ride. That is just baffling to me.

I am not the type of parent who thinks my children are perfect angels who deserve everything that they want, and I don't take offense when they aren't invited to something (I don't think of their exclusion from something as being some sort of subtle jab at me or anything). But hosts not wanting children at any event because they just want it child free is different (to me at least) than not wanting them there because they think parents will just act like a screaming baby in a ceremony is fine and they shouldn't take the baby out. And I know there are parents like that, but I guess to me it's like assuming that it's going to happen even before it happens is what I have a problem with.

I wouldn't dream of ending a friendship over not having my kids invited to something, but if I found out that someone was like "I'd love to have MAMW's kids there, but I KNOW if they were crying she'd just let them scream and ruin everything!" then that would hurt my feelings because 1) No I wouldn't do that & 2) the worst is being assumed of me instead of giving me the benefit of the doubt.

And maybe there isn't a difference and I'm an odd duck. Regardless, I still think a host's request to have an adult's only even should be respected by the guests even if they don't like it.

My FSIL brought her and my brother's newborn with them on Saturday. She was born a little over a month ago. I really would have had no idea that she was there. The only time she disrupted (if you can call it that) was when she farted very loudly as my sister walked down the aisle. But everyone just found it hilarious.

As a total side note, my planner said that she sat down with someone last week and they said 150 guests, with 75 under the age of 5. Holy hell that's going to be quite the wedding.

I believe we may have found our newest "hot topic".

@HisBeauty,

"I say we leave this thread to die, because this hostility is truly disturbing."

I do agree with you. The thread started out fine, it turned ugly, and really did not answer OPs original question at all. It is no wonder that she disappeared.

I agree time to let this thread die. OP actually never asked for opinions on whether or not she should make an exception for newborns or indicated she cared what others thought one way or another. She was just interested in how to communicate there will be NO children period. That does not make her a bridezilla.

Good lord this thread went really out of control.

Holy balls this went WAY off track.

'The only time she disrupted (if you can call it that) was when she farted very loudly as my sister walked down the aisle. But everyone just found it hilarious.'

I sure as hell wouldn't if I were the bride.

I'm having a similar problem. We are not having children but my FSIL will have a new born...she is pretty reasonable when it comes to having children at a wedding so I'm going to address it to just the adults and see what happens. Maybe she will just have to miss the ceremony but I can't imagine someone would come with a month or two old child to a loud wedding!

@delphina, my boobs are small, can I borrow yours?!?!

I think if you're that close with them, a conversation ahead of time is a good idea.

I really don't understand why anyone would want to bring their newborn to a wedding. Way too many germs, too much noise, too many people, and the inconvenience of having to find somewhere comfortable to breastfeed (if that's what you're doing). This would be a hard decline for me but thanks for the invite.

I'm choosing to have a child free wedding this includes newborns. Newborns are children in my opinion. While I understand that a mother needs to be closer to her baby during that time, I respect that. However, I need people with children to understand some things are kid free environments including my wedding. If that makes me rude, I can eat that.

I do not think there is a problem with a child-free wedding. I will be having one too. Babies cry. And parents are distracted when babies are around. And extra meals/chairs/etc for older children cost money too. I do NOT think you should overtly address it on the invitation either though. Just don't bring it up unless the parents do. Address to Mr. & Mrs. only.

I do plan to put on my website a little disclaimer "children will be unable to be accommodated, etc. and that babysitting will be arranged at the main hotel." My coworker has 2 very responsible teenage daughters that I will be enlisting for the wedding day. I think most people would be more than agreeable to something like that.

We're having an adults only wedding but the exception is our own kids and young babies that are being breastfed.

This is almost my exact situation! My wedding is 8 hours away from most of the guests, and in the mountains so there is no easy way to get there. While I normally wouldn't mind having children at the wedding, my wedding is in the fall (like yours), outside and in an area known to be cold plus after 8 hours in a car, I can't see the children being in the "best of moods" and pleasant. One of my cousins just informed me of her upcoming addition she will have an infant at the time of my wedding as well. I intend to send out the invite as normal listing the adults names only I also plan though to make personal calls to my friends with children who may not be able to spend a night with grandma or a baby sitter to explain that while I want them to come I'd prefer it to be an evening of "adult enjoyment" and I am taking their feeling into account. I understand as parents that they will only do what they feel comfortable with, but I hope to work with them to find a plan to make everyone else happy. I even have discussed a friends 16 year old daughter, not planning on attending the wedding offering to babysit at the hotel in one of the guest suit's (it's my back up plan for child-crashers). (And ignore everyone who says its rude and a "friendship ender" to not invite their children it's not their wedding, its not their money, its a Privilege to be a guest not a right.)