No kids at my wedding, not even newborns

If you told me you'd rather me skip your wedding than bring my newborn, our friendship would be over.

ETA: Hold up - your wedding is over a year away. How do you know they'll have infants?

I disagree with Boudreau. Not everyone wants newborns or children at their wedding and that's okay. We had a kid free wedding as well. As a mom, I never assume my child is automatically invited anywhere I am.

That being said, when I was a breastfeeding mother of a newborn, there was no way in hell I would attend a wedding. With or without my baby. I could barely walk recovering from surgery and I had a baby on my boob literally 20 hours out of the day.

You don't. Just address the invite to them, not "and family". All that verbiage you're spouting is unnecessary.

Eta: H's cousin had an 8 month old when we had our wedding and both her and her husband attended. Everyone is different. If you're ok with them not attending, then move forward.

@Boudreau took the words right out of my mouth. Adults only is a fine policy to have, but your approach is entitled, inconsiderate, and rude.

To clarify, I would most likely decline on my own if I had a newborn. If someone came out and told me they'd prefer me not to be there I would be very offended.

Honestly, I think that's terrible. I can understand not inviting kids. But newborns? You'd rather your friends not come because of newborns? I mean, fine, if that's how strongly you feel about it, but I agree with Boudreau. That would not be okay with me because you're essentially saying I'd rather you not come to my wedding since you have a newborn.

Why are you even inviting them if you don't want their infants there and are completely fine with them not attending?

You're saying these potential guests are very important, but you're communicating that they're really not if you'd rather them not come than bring their babies. You even admit that you understand it's unreasonable to expect someone to leave their infant at home. It doesn't sound like you love them enough to have them at your wedding.

If someone invited me to their (especially OOT) wedding and told me the burden of having my newborn there was so great that I should decline rather than come to the wedding with my baby, I'd question our friendship and feel ANYTHING BUT "very important" and "very loved."

BTW, if the babies are as little as you're implying, they'd probably just sleep most of the time and you likely wouldn't even know they're there.

Just put "adults only" on your invitation. I'm sure they will get the message as I have the many times I have been invited to an "adults only" so called "family" event to where I ultimately gracefully declined.

Wow. Do not put on your invitations in any way, shape, or form that you'd rather people not come than to come with their newborns.

Just don't include the kids on the invites, and let it go. You can't control it beyond that. You can tell people till you're blue in the face that kids aren't welcome, but if they show up with kids, what are you going to do? If you'd halt your wedding to tell people who show up with a newborn that they aren't welcome, then you shouldn't invite those people in the first place.

Samantha and Monica, so many things wrong with your advice. OP, don't follow rude advice.

I agree with the previous comments. If you don't want kids there, fine that is your decision, but do NOT put an ultimatum on the invitations. People will make up their own minds about whether to come or not, just put the adults on the invitation. On a separate note, the entire tone of your post comes across entitled. Is it "my" wedding or "our"? Just saying.

We would not be friends anymore if you made a huge show of how you'd rather I stay home than bring my newborn.

Sorry, that wasn't what I meant guys. I would completely understand if someone wanted to decline because of having an infant. I still don't want them to bring their baby though. And I would hope they would just decline than just assume they could bring a baby to my ceremony and reception. What I meant to say is I wouldn't be upset if they declined, not OH MY GOD please don't come if you're going to bring your baby.

I agree with PP, you clearly don't love these friends as much as you say. As a mom, I'd not leave my newborn child to fly cross country for a wedding.. Absolutely not. Could I bring with me, and perhaps find a sitter so that I could attend, possibly. Your tone however is definitely not showing they are all that important to you.

AS stated, mention it on your Wedding Website it's adults only. Personally, i'd decline, if that meant losing our friendship, then so be it.

I WOULD NEVER PUT THAT ON THE INVITE please be aware I would ultimately not be upset if they declined, that is what I meant. I understand some people really think their kids deserve to be invited everywhere they are even if they're babies but I DO NOT know how their kids will behave and I don't want to risk my 20K party for someone's child not being predictable.

If your wedding date is correct, these women aren't even pregnant yet. You have enough things to worry about now without borrowing trouble.

When the time comes, you address the invitation to those who are invited. If anyone adds guests you contact them.

" I'm sorry, there must have been a misunderstanding. The invitation was for you and ___. We are unable to accommodate children. If that means you will be unable to attend, we will miss you at the wedding."

Do not follow the advice of the brides who suggested adding "Adults Only" or ""No children under the age of 18 will be allowed at the wedding, including newborns and toddlers." Both of those are rude.

It is not polite to say who is NOT invited. Just address to Mr and Mrs. Are they relatives of yours or DHs? Are you afraid they will just show up with the kids? Will they be seeing you or DH before invites go out?

So, OP. Let's say we're close friends and I have a five week old. Let's say I RSVP yes and bring my newborn. What would you do?

If you are as close to your friends as you say you are then they would know how you feel about their kids at your wedding and it wouldn't be a big deal. I personally would decline your invite not because of not wanting children there but because of your tone, and I definitely wouldn't want you to come meet my child after your wedding.

I think all you can do is specify your invitations just to the couple, and if they interpret it themselves as no newborns, they'll likely decline (if they find a way to get a sitter for the wedding or leave the babies behind, bonus for you!). If they don't interpret it that way, then you may end up with a baby or two at your wedding. The only way to guarantee infants won't be there, though, is probably not to invite the couples in the first place.

Just DO NOT tell them you'd rather them not come than bring their baby. That would be RUDE and would likely end your friendship (bare minimum strain it).

I still don't think they sound as important to you as you were trying to imply in your first post, but if they really are, I'd personally take the chance of a baby or two showing up to my wedding to have people I really loved there.