No kids at my wedding, not even newborns

I don't understand why it is so rude to not want children at your wedding. My fiance and I love children, but we are having a small wedding in my parents' backyard. there will be two bathroom available for 35 people, and the logistics of 5 of my friends trying to change their babies under 18 mo is truly a daunting thought. We can't afford to hire someone to take care of the kids while the parents are at the ceremomy, and to be frank a couple of my friends are very rude about letting their (older) children run the room. Also, asking a very young child to sit still for 40min during the ceremony is not going to be easy for the little ones who just want to explore and touch all the pretty things at the wedding. Ultimately it's your wedding, and you're not obligated to buy dinner for 80-150 people so they can have it their way. My best advice is DON'T be passive aggressive. If you take the time to explain personally to the invidiuals involved why you would like just them to attend, then how they respond is on them. It can be difficult, but they should realize that you are not obligated to be intensely interested in their kids. We aren't expected to be fascinated by their spouse or partner, so why is it considered selfish for kids?

Constance, that would be extremely rude of you. I would expect that to be a friendship killer. Your choice when you get an invited for a wedding is to accept or decline. Not bring extras.

Listen, I would personally decline. I'm just playing devils advocate asking how OP would handle the situation. It's tricky and it may happen. A lot of people don't think of infants as extra. They don't take up a seat and they don't eat a meal.

I think it's fine not to want children at your wedding. But most people aren't going to come from out of town without their small babies, and you know that. If it's at all important they be there, you need to invite the kids.

@Rachel, I love kids and think people create worst nightmare situations in their heads about them in regards to events, but it's not rude to not want children at your wedding.

What everyone is upset about is OP's attitude about it and the way she worded her comment. It's one thing to say, "I only want the couple there," it's another to say, "I would rather these people (that are "important" to me) not come than bring their newborn with them; how do I put that on the invitation."

"A lot of people don't think of infants as extra. They don't take up a seat and they don't eat a meal."

I hate this. I hate that people who don't want babies at their wedding are labeled as entitled but families who just assume they can bring their babies are not.

It's NOT just about the seat and paying for the meal.

Everyone needs to relax towards at @Constance....she was clearly presenting a hypothetical which very well could happen.

OP, I had a child free wedding. At the time, my cousin who lived across the country had an 18 month old. They called and said they really wanted to come but they couldn't if they couldn't bring the baby. Not in a threatening/ultimatum way, but as a fact. It was more important for me to have my cousin there so we said bring the child. If you don't want the baby there, that's your right as the host but be prepared for the parents to be upset.

Personally if this was me, I wouldn't bring my baby. It's just too much and I wouldn't have fun, but everyone is different. You just have to be cautious of how you approach people and your tone, because the way you wrote your post sounds awful honestly, even though you probably (hopefully) don't mean it that way.

I mostly agree with @celia

A newborn is a bit different than kids and general and my guess is most parents of newborns would decline unless it's close family

But I think op is contradictory considering how important enough these people are. Either you really want them to attend and you recognize that given that young an infant you may have to make an exception because they're that important to you or they're not really that important, you don't care if they attend, and your fine with upsetting them by telling them they can't bring a newborn if they do decide to come

I have always thought no kids at a wedding is fine, but a breastfeeding or newborn baby (less than 6 months) is the exception. If I had a 5 week old baby and was invited to a wedding, I would probably decline because I would be exhausted, but if things align nicely, I could accept and and then I'd have to go with my five week old because I would be breastfeeding and couldn't leave the baby with a sitter. The whole reason bringing extra people to a wedding is rude is because of expense (and also just rude to bring strangers to someone else's wedding), but a little baby doesn't add any expense or mess up a seating chart. If the worry is crying, you can have an usher ask the parents to remove themselves with the baby at any hint of crying, i suppose, but I don't think it is against etiquette to bring a newborn.

ETA: spelling is hard

"however there are two very important people who I'd like to be there who will have infants".

OP, you either have the wrong wedding date on your profile, or you're a very accomplished clairvoyant, because these two very important people are clearly not even pregnant yet.

Thanks for both sides of the coin. Very eye opening. I please be aware I would NEVER put anything on an invitation that says DON"T BRING YOUR KIDS or Babies. what I meant was this is an adult wedding, please do not feel obligated to attend because I understand that babies are in unpredictable and I wouldn't want you to have to find a sitter who you may or may not trust just to come to my wedding,or spend the money on traveling extensively away from your baby! These ladies are both pregnant by the way.

So their children will be about a year plus by your wedding? It's possible but very unlikely anyone would be willing to travel without their child who is a year old. Decide if they are important to you. If they are, they bring the baby. If not, they don't. It's not that hard.

Yes, Constance brought up what could happen. Which is likely the fear of some brides, how do they make it clear to leave the baby home without being rude. Constance, if the baby is not invited, the baby is an extra. As to not needing a seat, polite people will provide a seat (or high chair, etc) that can function to hold the baby carrier. Many venues will not allow strollers, etc in the dining room. Holding baby the entire dinner may not work for all. But even if seat not needed, it is still rude.

Jessi, many people will not remove a baby when crying. It is rude to bring anyone not invited. The venue may have a head count for fire purposes, and the baby will count for that.

It is the height of rudeness to bring anyone not invited. Accept or not. Not your call that babies should be invited. Some cry, some parents wont remove them. Some will change a diaper in public. Some think that their baby is so precious, the baby should be the center of attention. It is unfortunate that some parents ruin things for all.

OP when are your friends due? If your wedding is over a year away then These children will be older than newborns and it honestly probably won't even be a big deal. Address the invites to just the friends and say nothing. Most rational people won't assume their kids are invited if their names aren't in the invitation or will call to check, and then just address it then.

FWIW, my husband and I took our sons to a wedding when they were 3 months old. After that we said never again. They're now 14 months old and I wouldn't even dream of taking them to a wedding. They just want to run and explore and be toddlers and a wedding doesn't allow that and my husband and I, as parents, recognize that none of us would have much fun. If we can't get a sitter, one of us would go or we'd both decline. I think for right now you should just relax.

I feel like this post is just for attention. The date is over a year away. The people can not be pregnant now and have newborns....they could have kids around 5 months or so but not newborns. Plus many people have posted asking about this and it keeps getting "overlooked".

On a side note it's not rude to not want kids at your wedding. The way you go about communicating that it is a 18+ wedding is what could make it rude. Esp since it is a OOT wedding for some guest. I wouldn't invite a pair of new parents to my wedding only to tell them their new kid isn't welcome. You are wasting time and kinda rubbing it in their face sending them an invite.

@constance, I'd actually be very annoyed with you if we hadn't previously spoken about it. I wouldn't kick you out but I'd be peeved and probably annoyed after the fact.

OP. That seems fair. Maybe based on PPs have said, reach out to those two particular friends to closer to the date of the wedding. I'd assume that they'd ask, but I've quickly learned to never assume when wedding planning.

Your friends will probably ask. Immediately after we announced out engagement, a friend asked if children will be allowed (he has a 4yo and now a newborn) because he wanted to make plans to bring his mother along to watch the children so his wife and he could attend the wedding if children would not be allowed. I told him if he ends up bringing her, she is welcome to come to the rehearsal/welcome party and the reception if we do a child-free ceremony. I also told FH that if we do child-free we need to provide babysitting of some sort since so many of our guests have small children and are OOT, but we have decided to allow children and just hope parents have the good manners to step out with their child if the child is screaming during the ceremony. The reception is a party, so who cares if the kids are loud (in my opinion). I have a big family and there have been many small children at all of the weddings in the past decade, and not one has been ruined or even interrupted by children misbehaving.

Holy hell.

We are having an adults only wedding. I don't particularly like children.

However, if a guest had a newborn... well, that's an exception. You don't separate mothers and infants.

I guess you're so involved in your friends' reproductive choices that you know the exact moment they plan to conceive and selfishly pre-plan the devastating effect it'll have on your wedding day....? Bizarre.

I agree, you don't separate a mother that doesn't want to part with their baby for 5 hours. So would you prefer not to receive an invite at all? Is that the solution?