Need to know if I'm being being selfish

@jacqui I think all of us are. Lol she probably doesn't like that we were so brutally honest with her.

I keep checking to see if she is coming back but I bet she is just thinking how mean we all are and how she was still right about how she planned HER day

I think you are being selfish to have your wedding on her 16th birthday, regardless of you planning a bash for her "at another time". It's a slap in the face. You may as well have told her that she will never be as important as you.

It looks like everything I want to say has pretty much been said so I'll just stick with yeah, you're being extremely selfish.

*Didn't read the previous comments*

Reading this made me feel pretty weird... Nobody wants to be overshadowed on their wedding day, but it's awfully hard to feel bad for you considering you are having your wedding on your stepchild's 16th birthday. If my stepmom did that to me I'd be pretty pissed at her from the get-go. The LEAST you can do is have a birthday cake for the poor girl and let her have a big, fun dress. IDK this whole thing is completely bizarre to me.

Why in the world would you pick your step-daughter's Birthday as your wedding day? There's 104 weekend days per year and you picked that day?

I haven't read all of the comments, but I think it's incredibly thoughtless and insensitive to have your wedding on her birthday. She is now your child, and if you are going to have your wedding on her birthday, I really feel like you shouldn't have a problem with it being celebrated.

OP we all want to know why on earth you think its okay to have your wedding on your FSD's birthday....please come back!!

Oh my gosh how did I miss this yesterday. Sounds like FMIL is being a defensive grandmama bear and with good reason. Why would you ever want your wedding on one of your children's birthdays anyway, every year you will want to celebrate your anniversary, but you will be torn between that and celebrating your child. I mean, she's almost fully grown up so I *guess* it's not such a huge problem for the future, but 16 is a big birthday. Just don't get the logic here...

I know this is beating a dead horse, but I'm surprised that everyone is so against the photographer snapping a few pics of the daughter.

Sweet 16 photo shoots are very much a thing here. My sister had a multi location, several hour long photo shoot for her 16th birthday.

Maybe not spend an hour, but I'm not sure why 10 or 15 minutes of snapping pics of her would be so terrible.

My child is wearing a fancy ball gown to my wedding. No one will think she is the bride, I'm not worried about her overshadowing me, and she's so excited to be a part of the day.

I think you should move your wedding date. A birthday doesn't seem like a big deal at our age but a 16th birthday is a really big deal to someone that age. It seems pretty selfish to me to try to take that day from your stepdaughter. I hate to say it, but that move is a little "evil stepmother." There are a ton of other dates for your wedding, and it would be best to move it if you haven't sent invites yet.

@AdventuresofRuth has a point. Sounds like FH may have "missed" alot of birthdays thats why it was ok to plan a wedding on his daughter 16th birthday. Its not a big deal SMH.

Stopping by to see if OP came back.

If I were her, I would have been mad you chose my birthday to get married. Especially my 16th birthday. So, this may be a way of getting back at you. The grandma may be in on it. 16 year old me would have tried to sabotage your wedding too.

Not to mention that for the rest of your life you will either have to include her in your anniversary or make the father choose between the two of you. This was her day first, I really feel bad for the girl.

@powers2, I think the main issues for a lot of us is that she CHOSE her wedding date, which is on her FSD birthday... not to mention, she comes across as not even caring about the FSD. I would never choose my wedding date to be on my child's birthday.

Our date is in April, my sons birthday is in April. We made sure our date wasn't around his birthday, so that he'd still get his special day! It's what parents do. I truly can't see how OP FH thought this was ok, and I guarantee the FSD doesn't think it's ok, regardless of what she's said to you.

@jennifer, yes! That's exactly what I see t as too! He'll have to choose, which is so so wrong!!! And absolutely I'd have tried to sabotage! This just screams "step mom doesn't give two shits about me" Also, how she's phrased that she "caved" into letting her in the bridal sorry, does not speak well of how she views her FSD.

ETA: because words

Why not swap parties. Make your wedding her sweet 16 and take her surprise party and make it your wedding if its on a different date.

I don't really care about my birthday (it just isn't as important in some families or to some people), and didn't even have a birthday party after the age of 9 or 10 so I think the selfishness of choosing that date depends on FSD's personality and honest feelings about it. I will say if she is interested in a giant ballgown at 16 years old - she is probably not like me and is the type to want a big party for herself.

I definitely think it is selfish of you to not include her in the bridal party from the get go, and it is messed up that you can't see the importance of that. By saying that your nieces must be in the wedding party if your FSD is, you are making it clear that they are always going to be as or more important than your new daughter.

ETA: Spelling

I think its safe to say OP isn't coming back.

Idk about anyone else, but "Oh, you're getting married on my 16th birthday, cool!" seems pretty sarcastic IMO.....