My sister refuses to wear Proper Wedding Attire

Ask her if she wants to be apart of your wedding

I have & she says she wants to, but tells me that I am wrong to have to approve her dress to let her be a part of it...

I am meeting with her tomorrow & will be TELLING her, not asking nicely anymore, that if she does want to be a part of it, that I will need to see her dress....if she doesn't want me to see it, then I will not have her be a part of it...

In fact, I will be going as far as not inviting her to the ceremony, but just to the reception AFTER dinner.

A few years ago she showed up at one of my Christmas parties dressed like a hooker....skirt up to her crotch, cut too low in front & 4 inch spiked boots....most of my friends are very religious & conservative....they actually felt sorry for me...

Another time I brought along an outfit for her to wear & she did oblige, but I still hear about how I made her change & how horrible she felt wear it....not her style, but she did it for me...and I appreciated it...

At my 1st wedding her dress was an old filthy rag that was too tight & too short...

I don't want her to embarrass me again...

I'm thinking she can come just wait to come to the PARTY after dinner & I won't care as much...

Well, I guess you have your answer. You can't force an adult to wear something. Especially if she isn't in your bridal party. Asking her to wear something tasteful is reasonable enough. Telling her she cannot come to your ceremony because you don't get to sign off on her outfit seems a bit extreme. People will give her the side eye, not you.

I don't blame you! That's horrible that she does that to you.

Amanda....We are not having a bridal party.....the people helping us are all wearing formal attire like a bridal party would....Even if I ask her to wear something tasteful, she has proven in the past she doesn't know what that is....and I do not want her boobs & ass hanging out at our religious ceremony....don't get me wrong, I love my sister, but I cannot trust her & her judgement... That is why I want to see what she is going to wear...she has done other distasteful things in the past too.

Some family agree with me....they don't want her there either....it is VERY distracting & disgusting.

We are having only 60 people & most of them are coming dressed in our color scheme...why can't she...?? It's all a part of the good clean fun we want to have...I am know among family & friends for my themed parties, so I figured out a theme for our wedding...

Everyone else is complying & having fun deciding what to wear, its just like a costume party...

If she can't join in the clean fun with the rest of them, she doesn't belong there...

Being "Kinky" just does not have a place at our wedding...

Thank you Joelle for your understanding...

Is the ceremony in a church? If so, you can just frame it as a venue/religious requirement. While I'm not a fan of telling adults what to wear, some religious institutions warrant it (which i have my own issues with, but thats neither here nor there). Talk to your officiant/minister/etc.

Barring that, just dont have her in the ceremony, invite her as a normal guest and forget about it.

EDIT: Okay, I just saw this isnt even for a damn bridal party... this is for her to pass out friggin programs at a courthouse wedding. Shes a guest, not a prop or wedding slave. Get over yourself.

Sugarunicorn - We are having a religious ceremony, but not in a church. We are setting up our venue to resemble a church & a pastor friend of ours is doing the ceremony. No one else is having an issue with our request, in fact I have gotten numerous calls to ask more about the desired attire....most of my friends & family know that this is the twist we want to use....

We are not having our wedding in a club either. We are being allowed to use a family restaurant that we frequent a lot for the entire day. They would not appreciate her attire either. I sure don't want them to look at us cross-eyed about who we associate with, much less to have to explain that it's my sister...

I would just say all of this to her. I do understand where you are coming from as I have a sister who dresses a bit too racy at formal events. It's just her nature. She is a BM and I stood my ground on no strapless for anyone in the bridal party. But at the end of the day I would NEVER exclude her for it. If I were you, I would just settle for her as a guest and bring a shaw just in case l. But again, you cannot make her wear what you want! Eta - for clarification.

You are being very judgmental and rude! DO NOT UNINVITE YOUR SISTER FROM THE CEREMONY! This is called a tiered guest list and is horrible etiquette. If you don't want her in the wedding, fine, but then you cannot dictate dress for her and you need to get over it. If you ignored it, so would everyone else. Instead, you choose to shame your sister for her attire? Gross.

Holy fuck. She is not your bridal party. You don't have one. No one needs to be directed to the ceremony area, no one needs to be handed a program, let her wear what she wants. You don't get to tell adults, especially adults not in your wedding party how to dress. No one has to dress in your color scheme. I don't blame anyone who doesnt want to buy a full length gown for a wedding that doesn't sound black tie.

It sounds to me you care too much about what other people are going to think of you after they see your sister.

I have a sister, & at times she can be inappropriate and embarrassing, but I love her and wouldn't change her for the world.

I suggest you let it go, this is who she is & how she likes to dress.

I also think it's CRAY that you're thinking of having her skip the ceremony. The ceremony is the most important aspect of a wedding!!!!! Don't do that please.

Anyways, good luck. But I suggest you focus on other things then what a grown woman plans to wear to your wedding. And who knows, maybe when you stop bothering her about her attire, she'll decide to dress up more to your liking, like all rebellious sisters would lol

I have an outlandish sister. When we were younger she embarrassed me so much with her personality and her clothes (and her hair for that matter, she was dying it blue and purple before it was trendy, and had a Mohawk!) She is off the meter, but I love her, and have learned to accept her. Her attire is a reflection of her, not you. If you truly love your sister, you will accept her, and let her deal with her own embarrassments, if any.

I'm just not a fan of telling a grown adult how to dress. You are taking one of the fun parts of being a guest at a wedding away from them by dictating what they should wear. We all have our own individuality. Oh My gosh. Even if I were a close family member, I would want to decline. Sorry if that sounds mean. I agree with the other posters who suggested you could worry about other things planning a wedding.

Your sister is right on this one. You don't get to dictate the attire for people not in your bridal party - and since you're not having a bridal party, that means you don't get to dictate anyone's attire. And passing out programs is a dumb job for adults anyway. I had my 10 year old nieces do that. I'd be pissed if someone tried to make me buy a formal gown to do that. Don't uninvite her to the ceremony or try to preapprove what she wears. If she's dressed inappropriately, that's a reflection on her, not you.

You say you don't have a wedding party, but you're telling your friends and family how to dress and giving them jobs. Gross. You shouldn't expect them to sit your guests or hand out programs "in lieu of gifts" because you shouldn't expect gifts. I'm sorry, but if I were your sister I would be acting the same way.

I'd forget all the headache and just invite her as a guest. If your wedding is a semi formal event she needs to dress accordingly. But either way don't let her tackiness stear you away from enjoying YOUR wedding day. Just invite her as a guest and keep it pushing. If she decides to come dressed horribly then try not to focus on it. Obviously shen dosen't love you that much to class it up for ONE day! But please don't let her steal your joy!

ETA spelling

"Everyone else is complying"

You are not a dictator. People should not have to "comply" to anything to attend your wedding.

Sorry, but you are out of line.

You don't get to put your stamp of approval on what your guests wear. There is nothing wrong with telling her that it will be a religious ceremony and reminding her that she should dress appropriately for the occasion, but you can't go any further than that. If she dresses like a hooker, people will be judging her, not you. Let it go.

You can't tell adults what to wear

You are WAY out of line. You are making family member do "special little duties" and you are telling them what to wear? No. You are being far too controlling. Greeting guests and handing out programs are jobs. They are not an honor. You need to chill out. Invite your sister as a guest to both the ceremony and reception and leave it at that. She's an adult.

Everyone else is right. the most you can do is politely ask your sister to dress respectfully for a religious ceremony and hope she does. Invite her as a guest, but dont uninvite her from the ceremony.