My **NEW** husband is not invited to my sister's wedding - 2 months after ours!!

@Mrs.L 2 Be - I was seriously considering that!!!

Well I think I'm a disappointment to my mom and a bit to my brother (he seems to understand though why I'm doing what I'm doing), and I'm calling it. Even though I knew it was the right thing to do to stand up for my FH and myself, you all have confirmed my thoughts. Getting this drama outta my life and declining.....now let's see if she shows up at my wedding (though anyone with some decency and self respect wouldn't show their face after this, imo)

As a mother of four (my only daughter is getting married in August), I am saddened if your own mother is telling YOU that you are dividing the family. I am so sorry you are going through this. I fully believe you should leave your sister and her FI invited to yours....though I fear she will try to turn your wedding into something about her. I also feel you should pleasantly decline her wedding. I am so sorry you are going through this.

Show that you and your FH are a unit-- refuse to go if he's not invited. Show you have his back and that you won't allow him to be treated like that.

I agree with the other advice that's been given - it is her splitting the family up, not you, and if I was in your position I would decline.

I just wanted to say that you should hold your head high in so doing - you are not the one in the wrong here and should't let them make you feel bad about it. Your husband is family and you are a unit. I have concerns for your sister's marriage if she doesn't see that this is a big part of what marriage is about.

I hope it all works out ok.

I think I'm just as pissed as you are in this situation. I could see if you guys wouldn't be married but the fact that they are making you choose. I wouldn't go to FL but I would visit them when they got back and give congrats and leave it at that.

If I were you, I would decline and uninvite her FH to YOUR wedding. See how she likes that.

This is just a big "wow" factor.

I'd be pissed.

I wouldn't go.

This is one of those times where blood is not thicker than water and the family you were born into is not necessarily a family you should be a part of. If they're going to act like completely selfish passive-aggressive buffoons, cut your losses, send your regrets to your sister, and stand by your husband's side - he is your NEW family. I am so sorry you have to deal with this crap. I am pissed off on your behalf.

Seems to me she is asking you to choose between her and your husband. My FH and I are a unit. If one isn't invited, we would talk it out, and probably not go. Maybe go to FL and celebrate with the family the following day?

Don't go. Stand your ground. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

Thats so strange to me. U and your husband would be joined as one. Im sure if the shoe was on the other foot she would be upset. I would be upset to so i dont blame u for being upset. Its not fair to keep him alone all day either. Maybe u can talk to her or your parents since they paying for it.

I know if it was me i wouldnt go without my husband.

So as of now, are you invited or not invited? I reread your post and looks like you initially declined because you said you weren't going but if you want to come, then you have to be available from 8am-10pm and without your husband?

So technically, you don't have to go anymore, right?

This whole situation is absurd and looks like a manipulative power play by your selfish sister. I hope karma gets her by having someone else not invite her husband at their wedding or her not invited while her husband is invited. It's obvious she doesn't want you there and I'm surprised other members aren't seeing this, or if they are, they still expect you to come to keep the family together? That's INSANE! She's the one tearing the family apart. If she really wanted you there, she'd include you and your husband, or if it was legitimate that he couldn't come, then she should be apologizing profusely and begging forgiveness from you and your husband, not say, "take it or leave it."

I am also upset for you that your parents won't stand up for you and what's obviously right here. Why is everyone indulging your sister? What hold does she have on your family? Is she the type where it's just easier to yes her to death?

Then if you do go, then what's to happen after the wedding? Is your husband not going to be invited to other events as well? Do you plan on going without him to future events held by your sister and family? I can't imagine your husband wanting any part of your sister in the future. And I'm wondering what kind of man is marrying your sister and allowing her not to invite his own siblings especially if there is room? This whole thing is crazy.

I been trying for the past hour to see which is the best course of action where you look like the bigger person and sane one to your family. Yes, obvious choice is to NOT GO! but you're dealing with a crazy dynamic here. Looks like your sister is jealous and high maintenance and only thinks of herself without consequences. If you decide to go, then I would just go through the motions. I would fake an obvious smile and make sure people ask me "what's wrong" then I would tell them what's wrong, "my sister refused to invite my husband I'm livid about that, esp since there was plenty of room for him and then some." I would just attend the ceremony then leave early and make sure everyone knows I have to leave early because I don't want to leave my new husband alone all day in a new city. If your parents and sister are really insistent you be at wedding so you don't tear family apart, then I would say, "Fine, but hear this, I will go to your precious wedding ALONE, and I will go through the motions and be the "happy" sister, but just know this, after the wedding you will never see me again. I will no longer have contact with anyone who condones this behavior."

Hopefully, later down the road, she will regret her actions. But you have to be prepared to never speak to your family again and make your marriage to your new husband your new family.

A thought just occurred to me, did she send out formal invitations? If she did send it back for the two of you.............and see what happens from there. And write on it, that you could not possibly accept an invitation to something that is couple oriented without your other half.

So are you going...? I'm bored at work and need an update

I got a message from her say 'I want you to be here, but if you're just here to keep peace in the family and not for me and FH, then don't come '...official invites haven't gone out and she said she wouldn't give me an invite until later in the summer (wedding in October) just so I can't make vacation plans to get away this summer.

Pretty sure my family is starting to accept why I can't accept the invite. I think it's time for me to call it and just say no.

Let's hope I don't get guilt tripped back into it tonight (I usually stand up for myself, but I'm always told to be the 'bigger person' when dealing with my sister)

I might make one last ditch effort and respond by saying:

"Jane, I love you and I do want to be there for you and FH, however my FH and I are now a package deal, I could not possibly take a vacation for that long without him. Nor is it fair for me to basically tell him that this is a family event for the family he just married into but you cant be there so you are on your own for 14 hours or more. If you will invite my FH I not only will be there with bells on with the biggest smile on my face, I will be there for your all day, and FH can join us at the ceremony and reception. I am sure he can find something to amuse him for the hours leading up to the wedding."

Ugh it's the same way in my family. Stay strong! YOU are in the right here. Your FH/husband is your family now and he needs to come first. Good luck tonight!

@mrs D. - that's a perfect response. It's exactly what I've been trying to articulate. 14 hours, is it long - yeah, but I'd be happy to do that if my FH is invited. She won't back down and invite him, but at least that puts the ball in her court!

No husband no me!