My husband has a very low sex drive? :'(

I agree I think a therapist is our best bet..and like I said we're good an all the other departments..we do cuddle and spoon and make out...is just the sex... not spooning is becoming harder bc he likes to put his arm around me and now is too heavy for my growing belly but other than that we're doing good on that area...

I know right? this thread's got me thinking now..

But yea, I would just suprise him with a low lit romantic evening and focus entirely on him rather than your needs, that way he knows there's no pressure on him... If he pushes away from your attempts or shuts up, that would be a sign to me that something is actually wrong and you two really do need to talk about it either to a therapist or just to eachother.. talk about your sexual expectations and what it's like for you individually and what you LIKE individually.. but if your attempts are well recieved, it may very well be that he needs to be in that frame of mind, mood, whichever..

I'm way too slow with my commenting

Too bad about the cuddling, I know DH and I are finding it harder to fit on the couch together I can't imagine what it will be like in just a couple of months.

@ Jen P. I know it's actually funny bc he laughs (in a good way) of the things I can't do. Like bending over to pick something up...We have an amazing relationship that I wouldn't trade for the world...and I don't want our sex life to become a bigger problem...

I really do understand where you are coming from. All my past relationships were all about sex and DH and I had a good while where it just wasn't working.. mostly because of me, but it's something you just have to push through and try to improve if you can. Of course it's not the biggest part of your relationship, but obviously you do care about it because it's an intimacy you want to have with your husband. Try what to do what you can.. as I said, if he resists, there may be a bigger problem, but as long as he is willing to try or accept what you are trying to do for him, I think you'll get through just fine.

My husband's sex drive isn't the greatest either.

But then it never has been but it has not always been a bad thing for me either. Like you, My ex and I had amazing sex. All the time and probably on every surface we could find. But he also lied to me on a regular basis and treated me like I was nothing. After ou "great" sex, he would just roll over, go out and smoke a cigerette. He didn't say one sweet thing to me EVER. He'd steal from me, and once even shoved me down a flight of stairs. It was a horrible and unhealthy relationship. The only good was the sex.

When I met my H, he made me feel so beautiful and so worthy of love. He still does. He's such a genuninely kind and thoughtful person. Sex with him is always so sweet and gentle. On occasion, we try to spice things up but not often. Sometimes we go weeks, and I get so annoyed and talk to him about it. He makes an effort but he admits that his drive isn't that great.

I am sorry you are going through this.

We have been together over 4 years and sometimes there are dry spells...try to talk about it though so you dont take it so personally when he just isn't in the mood. Being busy, stressed and tired certainly dont help get that sex drive going! Does he work out? That should help him rev his engine a bit. Does he wake up aroused? That could be a clue if it is emotional or physical. Goodluck!

Any medications, sometimes that will do it. And stress will affect you as well. Is he overly stressed at work or anything???

I agree with some of the other posts, but could he possibly have a psychological-emotional issue in regards to coping with being a father AGAIN. not sure but when you mentioned trying to have another child, it made me think of men who fear the end result of sex-the financial burden of adding more to the family? avoiding sex to avoid making more children= less financial responsibility and stress as the 'provider'. even though you're already pregnant there could be some subconscious things at work if he's not on meds and doesn't "normally" have a low sex drive. if you can talk about the issue now and avoid bottling up and exploding or getting a neutral third party to ask the right probing questions (therapist) it could help. wish you luck either way

The most important sex organ is the brain. It sounds like you guys need to work on being more intimate. Rather than focusing and getting frustrated about the sex itself, try just making time to really focus on each other without distractions. It's easy to take each other for granted when you're both busy. Go on a date, have the kids stay over at your Grandma and Grandpa's, and than when you get home just spend a half hour or two touching without having sex. A sex therapist might be able to help him understand the need for intimacy and the long term effects of not putting effort into it. An impartial third party is usually easier for them to listen to.

We take baths together. Favorite thing ever. Not even for the sex that eventually ensues, but just because the tub forces you to be close in proximity and you can't really not talk or touch.

I'm sorry you're going through this- it can be...frustrating, no pun intended. I have to disagree with Amy with all my heart. Sex does not make a relationship. Romantic relationships are different from friendships for a number of reasons. However, when the intimacy disappears, you can start to feel like roommates. Incompatible sex drives are an obstacle, but it can be overcome. Think about why you're wanting the sex- release? intimacy? attention from him- makes you feel sexy? to be normal? Is there another way those needs can be met that satisfy both of you?I like many of the ladies' comments about intimacy- there are so many ways to get that need met. Be well and best of luck!

If he's willing to go to the Dr. have his testosterone level checked. Alot of guys have "low T". He could get shots on a regular basis for a while and see if that helps. It doesn't matter their age, even young guys suffer from this. Google "Low T" clinics in your area. But make sure it's legit. Good luck.

I have kind of the same issue, except even in the beginning we were never really like bunnies. It makes it super hard, because we are TTC (well, I am anyway, and he keeps saying he wants babies...)

I just asked him about some of this from reading the thread. If he doesn't seem interested in having sex, is he still masturbating? He says yes, when he is home alone and bored. I don't know what to do about that, but I do know that if he was whacking off while I was upstairs in bed, I'd be pissed/hurt, because I'm ready and willing pretty much whenever. When is he masturbating?

I have a very similar issue. My sex life is TERRIBLE. I think the root of it is that I have an issue where sex is extremely painful for me so I think I psychologically associate sex with pain so I mentally turn everything off. I can't even remember the last time we had sex. My sex drive used to be so high and now I never feel the need to do it.

Here is something interesting for you to tell your husband. I just had a complete bloodwork done because I am underweight. My doctor checked all of my vitamin levels and it came back that I am severely deficient in B12 and vitamin D. I looked up the symptoms online and a vitamin D deficiency can cause a low sex drive. Maybe your husband should get his hormone levels / vitamin levels checked?

Hunny please don't think you're the only one going with this problem. I have been with my fiancé for 10 year on the 27th. Sex used to be AMAZING! Now like you we have very busy schedules and he leaves the house at 5:00am and gets in at 11:00pm. I work ten hours a day usually. When I get home all I want is to be intimate with him and all he he wants is to chill out and maybe sleep. Granted that I know that he works a lot and sleep is vital but I'm getting it about twice a month. We've had multiple conversations and tried different things but to no avail. He's not cheating, I know that for sure and its really eating me up. He says its not me but it does hurt. I'm sorry I don't have advice for you but I just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

Are you sure it is his sex drive? I told my FH about this and he said why would he be masturbating if he has no sex drive? If he is masturbating frequently then he does indeed have a sex drive. Maybe he is uncomfortable having sex since you are pregnant???

Please don't read this the wrong way, but some men may be uncomfortable having sex during a pregnancy.

** Edited to fix typo

Honestly if he has the sex drive to masturbate then to me it seems there another issue not his sex drive I think it could be like others suggested intimacy issues, stress, anxiety it could be a number of things. he probably doesn't even know what it is himself. I think therapy is a good place to start.

When FH and I had a really bad dry spell about a year ago, I went out and bought a sexy little teddy, never told FH about it till one day he came home from work and I was napping on top of all the covers in it, it worked wonders for him and we didn't have a problem after that...maybe try that. I'm with you with the sex games and such, they're just embarassing for me...try lingerie for him and see what it does for him...maybe even a strip-tease.

Man i wish i had your problem. Our situation is flipped and he always wants it and I never do. I feel bad not wanting it much but am not really sure why drive is so low. Not much works to turn me on, but i do know that watching a porn actually works wonders for me. I know it seems crude and dirty but if your desperate enough i think it is worth a shot. Just watch the porn together and hopefully you'll never even have to watch it all the way through.

Im so sorry this is happening to you.. fh and I were talking about this and he suggested that it is possible that he is either addicted to masturbation or confused about his sexuality. I would personally take the initiative and make an appointment to see a sex therapist. Give him the day and time and just go.