My husband has a very low sex drive? :'(

I'm pregnant right now and I'm like I know and the only reason I got pregnant is bc we wanted another baby and he did put an effort to have sex so I could get pregnant. But I know once the baby comes is just going to get worst. I'm not asking for sex everyday, but at least twice a week....

Hmmmm....do you think it has anything to do with you being pregnant? Some men have problems during a womans pregnancy. They think they are hurting the baby...I know they shouldn't flatter themselves but some think that way.

or could be he is looking at you as more of a mother instead of a sexual being.

Is he on meds of any kind?

Do you think he is nervous about having intercourse while you are pregnant?

I was going to ask what Diane asked about this being related to the pregnancy. I also think pregnancy makes people worry about the future, or about the level of responsibility they're going to have or the freedom they're going to lose, and that doesn't make anybody feel sexy.

We've gone through dry spells before.

Will he talk to you about it? Other than trying to get him to go to the doctor? I think some guys would take that as an insult or a threat even though I'm 100% positive you did NOT mean it that way.

No this has been going on way before I got pregnant like I said the only reason I got pregnant is bc we wanted it and he knew what he had to do in order for me to get pregnant. Lucky for him I got pregnant on the first try.

and no, he's not on any meds of any kind. He's not depressed as far as I know and my thing is if he masturbates all the time why not have sex...

The other night he was working on a project and I let him finish told him I was going to bed. Then I heard him on the computer so I went and he was eating ice cream and told him I wasn't going to let him finish. So I started kissing and touching and after a min of kissing he tells me "so you're really not going to let me finish my ice cream?" I got so hurt and humiliated that I just left and went to bed crying at how eating ice cream was more important and pleasurable than having sex with me. After a few mins. he comes to the room and tries to talk to me but I was too hurt to talk..

@ Krisalicious....He was the one that brought up going to the dr. to check his hormone levels. and yes we will talk about it but get no where..bc at the end he'll just say idk. I just dont need it...

Think there's anything you can do to kind of boost it up?

I'm actually the one with the lower sex drive and sometimes I really just need to be put into the mood.. DH is like "any time, any place" and I prefer low lighting, candles, nice music, etc.. is there anything to set him up for the mood?

Well, then I have to ask...if you knew you were not sexually compatible...why did you marry him?

I realize that sounds harsh but it's a good question. I realize you love him and there is alot more to a relationhip than just sex...BUT if you like sex alot more it's bound to become an issue. : (

ALso, mind you I've never been pregnant and never will be but I hear a womans hormones go crazy...so maybe one, it's making you way more horny than you usually are and two, making you alot more sensitive to his actions. i.e eating the ice cream instead of ravishing you.

@ diane you're right very good question....Like I said we've had our talks and he says he'll keep trying and I come from a relationship that the only good thing we had was sex. He was very abusive and all. With my husband the only problem I have is sex other than that I have it all. So I'm not going to leave him bc of our bad sex life but I don't also want to just sit and do thing about it. I'm willing to try and find out a way where we're both happy...like I said It's been going on before I got pregnant so I know is not my hormones...been married 55 days and we've only had sex about 5 times...

I think its natural when you're pregnant. Most men have an issue with sex during pregnancy so it just slowly stops. I know I was just like you when I was pregnant. I was not a happy girl. lol

So he brought it the dr. but never followed through? And is he saying he doesn't need it, like.....ever? What doesn't he need exactly?

Re: masturbation vs. sex, IMO the first is just a physical release, whereas sex is intimacy with another person. So I think sex is way more complicated. But if he's masturbating I would think he does have a physical need, right? So that's a good sign I would think.

Ditto Jen, sex is way more mental for me. Whereas H could be like, "Oh did you get the mail?" and just drop trou and do it. Do you think your roles are just reversed?

Another thing for me during dry spells is that I start feeling REALLY awful and guilty about it, and then sex becomes this big scary thing. But if we just sit down and make out for 5 minutes without making it all about actually "having sex", it just happens. Maybe he's feeling some anxiety about it b/c he knows it makes you feel bad?

Sorry. Just trying to brainstorm. Don't despair.

@ Amy We've done that...hand cuffs, sex games and all but its funny bc for us that just embarrasing...we tried it once and we just burst out laughing...I mean we use to do it everywhere, so that's why I'm just confused on why not now... IF I don't look for it and just let it go for weeks he won't even mention it...but he is very sweet, always kissing me and hugging me...brings me flowers..takes me out to dinner and all..

Any chance you could get to a sex therapist? Hopefully he's open and honest enough to communicate about this.

Got it...I really hope this gets worked out. The key is good communication with your husband.

I wish you all the luck. There are alot of tools (wait that sounds funny) out there to help. If it gets to the point where you need to go to a sex therapist I say go for it.

@ Krisalicious...you know I've thought about it...maybe he has some anxiety or something. I know at the beginning of our relationship he was going to a psychologist for it but according to him it got better. and then our sex life was awesome.. and yes he brought up the dr. and never went and he says he doesn't need sex as much...he can be quite a while without it...But my thing is why it changed if it wasn't this way...

@ diane and leanna...actually I mentioned going to a sex therapist last night...He didn't argued it...

Making out is GREAT! I think you start to take it for granted as your relationship progresses because it used to be the only thing you while you're dating until you've done the deed for the first time.. then it's just bumping uglies none stop and you forget the magic of intimacy other than sex (like cuddling, spooning, making out, grabbing things, etc)

I think that anxiety can be a vicious cycle, it's like it puts this big grey cloud over the bed and it can make sex a chore. So pardon the adjectives but it's like the dry person tries, but is really worried and obviously not totally into it, and that makes the horny person feel like crap, and then nobody has any fun and everybody just feels bad.

Maybe a sex therapist would be a really great idea? If he's open to it.

Oooh, cuddling and spooning and making out. Best parts of the day!