My brothers Transgender

I don't think you're being selfish at all. It can be really hard to get used to something like this, and it takes time. Thankfully you have a while to figure it out. Just let them wear what they are comfortable with.

Everyone should be comfortable at your wedding as you want everyone to stay and have fun. Whatever happens will not take away from your special day, but people are going to talk about other things than your wedding the whole time anyway so just let it happen.

I have a co-worker who was a man. Now as a lady ( feels and looks like a completely different person). I love her to death. Your brother/sister will not use your wedding as a coming out party. That means so much to who they are. I'm assuming she will wear a tux/suit if she is "male" but if she has already started the hormones and voice and everything then she will wear a dress and probably rock it.

I think this is a conversation you need to have with your brother. Ultimately it depends on how your brother feels and what your brother wants other people to know.

My daughter came out as gay and dresses like a boy, she hasn't said she wants to be a boy, but she won't dress like a girl. For our wedding, as much as I'd love to see my little girl (13 years old) wear a dress and get dressed up, she'll be wearing the same pant suit as the men. I guess my point is, it's hard enough coming out and being "different" that asking her to be someone she's not and hates would destroy her confidence and make her feel worthless. I would hope as an adult she would realize how important your day is to you and wouldn't "steal the show", but I think as her sister you should support her the best to your ability and if that means she wears a dress and someone comes up and says is (blank) wearing a dress, you say, "yes, doesn't she look great?!" And then go dance your night away. (I'm on mobile, please forgive typos)

TWO THUMBS UP AND A MILLION GOLD STARS TO THIS ENTIRE THREAD!!!

I'm so glad you realized you were wrong in possibly asking them to dress a particular way. I hope your sibling finds peace with who they are and finally feels like themselves after so many years.

My brother is gay and his kidney donor was transgendered. While my brother was going through the process of testing etc, I worked at a Christian College for a Christian company. Only the people I considered friends knew the "gay" and "transgender" details, but it somehow got out. I had two people "take back" their well wishes for my brother because he was a sinner and his donor was an abomination. My point to telling you this is that people can be so cruel and and unforgiving when others are different as you probably already know as an adult. Your sibling is going to need all the love, acceptance, support, compassion, and understanding they can get. You should be the first to prove they're going to receive that, at least from family.

Is there a PFLAG chapter in your area? I would contact them and see if there are any resources they have to assist you.

@Desiree, I would recommend the same thing.

Please get counseling! If your sibling doesn't want to, go for you! It's not easy to adjust the way you've thought about someone for many years over night. But you don't want to ruin your relationship with your sibling over something you may say or do because of your ignorance. Find a counselor who specializes in transition or LGBTQ counseling. What you're feeling is normal but it's not ok to make your sibling feel bad because you don't understand.

Edited...I am glad you have it sorted. I'm glad you are supportive and trying to educate yourself on transgendered people, kudos to you

Why not talk to him and ask how he would feel about wearing a suit. If he says he is uncomfortable then fine but because it is your wedding he might be OK with it. Have an open dialogue. You aren't telling him what to wear you are asking him and looking at different options. Talk about some of your concerns while reinforcing your acceptance of his choices. Be sensitive and receptive to his response. Nothing says you are can't ask if someone would be comfortable with something or not.

I get that he WAS your brother, but now she's your sister.

I would have a talk with her and see what will make her feel more comfortable. I have a friend who also is Tran and I don't love her any less and would want her to be very comfortable at my wedding. I don't think your being selfish I just think it's very new to you right now but I do think you have to respect what she wants too.

I think you should just talk to her and make sure you're both comfortable. Don't assume either way.

Ultimately she may feel a little hurt if you do that, she may be more comfortable in a dress. It is a very personal and BIG choice to even consider that, even though it is becoming more common and accepted it is a big step to go ahead and do that and admit it to your family. She will always be your brother, that is who you grew up with you just have to shift your thinking to ok this is my brother but now I can dress shop and get my nails done and other things with them.

It sounds like you need to take the time to accept this change in your life though, which isn't anything trivial at all and may take some getting used to, just make sure you are supportive to her decision and even though it will take getting used to you are there for her.

Maybe there could be some sort of compromise, since your brother is a designer maybe she could design a custom feminine pant suit or jumper/romper which are getting more and more popular. It's not as drastic as a dress but over all you can still tell it is a women's garment.

First off, it can be a very confusing time not only for your sib but also for family members so everyone should just give you a little bit of a break and stop being so mean. If your sib wants to be identified as female then great and I wish her the best. I would suggest you sit down with your sib and just talk. Let them know what you're worried about and see how you can both help each other. One thing I've learn through the process of getting ready for my wedding is that sibs will surprise you with their support and understanding.

Loreal, what the hell? This thread was going so well.

Loreal, that was comment was ignorant and uncalled for.

My FH'S oldest child is gender non-binary. Sometimes they (his child uses they/them pronouns) wear dresses, sometimes they wear suits. We are giving them the option to wear what they want. When we asked them to be in our bridal party, we called them a "groomsperson." My family is very conservative and my FH'S family comes from a small town with small town ideals. The wedding isn't about them though. It's about me and FH and becoming a family with his two beautiful children.

The comment about the "coming out party" was a little uncalled for. If it were my sib I'd just not have them in the wedding and avoid the trouble. What they decide to wear to the wedding is up to them and whatever that is accept it.

It you're struggling with the pronouns ask your sibling what they would like to be called. My friend transitioned very gracefully from Allena to AJ to James.

But specifically said. If you're struggling with pronouns. Just use my name.

So ask your sibling what name they want to be using if it's not one that's ambidextrous.