My brothers Transgender

I was going to comment, but I think @Delfina has this one covered. You rock, Delfina. I'll just say OP, you and your sibling will be in my thoughts. No doubt this will be difficult for her/him (depending on the pronouns s/he says s/he'd like you to use--you're right, just ask!), but with enough love and grace, you and your loved ones can support your sibling beautifully, wedding day and beyond.

@delfina preach girl

@loreal- you need to educate yourself a little more before you claim you love people and don't care what you do because you were very disrespectful "if they wear a wig" they're still a he ? No. Please read up on transgender, get with the proper pronouns, and become a bit more open minded.

Yes, you're being selfish. And after she's told you she's transgender, it's cruel to refer to her in a male pronoun too.

Thank You Everyone! I'm really glad I posted this as I was very uneducated about Transgender. ( I feel horrible using the wrong pro-nouns but thought it would be easier to follow if I used them the way I did) I apologize if I did offend anyone as it was'nt my intention. This has given me great resources and I think moving forward it will be much easier and can also help me to explain and help others understand Transgender. This situation was hard for me because I did feel as if I had lost my brother, It really hurt my heart it took her this long to come out and tell us how she really feels but thinking of it in a different way, that in fact I have gained a sister puts my heart at ease and going forward will help me and her build a better relationship. Its much easier facing difficult times with people who can understand and love you for you. Thank you again for all of your opinions, advice & knowledge. I really appreciate it! <3

Its your wedding. Its your day not your brothers

Sabrina- this goes beyond someone asking a BM to cover tattoos or color their hair (although you shouldn't do that either)- this is asking them to fundamentally change or hide something major about themselves, like you're embarrassed of them. The original poster seemed to take the advice given and is going to speak to their sibling and be empathetic. Don't suggest the "it's your day" as an excuse to disrespect people.

Also I'm glad I missed whatever Loreal said. Did your parents really name you after a shampoo?

I can suggest anything I please. She can take it or leave it.

@Holly I have a screenshot...but since the comment got flagged I don't know if I'm allowed to post it.

Nah FlyingSoon that's okay, don't want to get you in trouble. Thanks though!

Oh wait. I deleted it earlier when I cleaned out my photos. It was a disgusting, illegible mess.

I'm glad I didnt see what Loreal posted

@Mallory - you seem like an amazing person and one hell of a sister. I can see why your sister chose to confide in you; she's lucky to have someone like you in her family and in her life.

I asked the mods to send you my email, so if you ever need resources for supporting someone through a transition or just want to talk about your own adjustment process, please get in touch. And make sure to post your BAM next year, because I really want to see your whole family rocking out and having a ball at your wedding.

This is one post where I read through all the comments and I want to thank you for being so supportive of your sibling and who they are.

I appreciate you supporting your sibling through their transition.

I don't have any advice but I wanted to add my two cents.

I'm sending my best wishes to both you and your sibling.

There is so much love in these posts! It's great!

A dear friend of mine who I've known for years as a "he" has recently come out and officially started his public transition. I will always have the memories and know who he was. But now, I am beginning to get to know who she IS.

It can be difficult to embrace. My friend used to identify as pansexual so it was not a huge shock. However, it does take time to sort out how to refer to the past, present, and future. It's definitely ok to ask. She will let you know what she wants to be referred to. If she's not officially out, it may be awkward for a bit, but just try to be understanding and willing to adapt as she further accepts the publicity of her new identity. That's the best you can do.

Mallory, you are doing great. Definitely check out your local PFLAG if you can. They are a fantastic resource.

I don't think you are being selfish at all. I would not want my brother dressed as a woman in my wedding pics.

@Patty, your comment is very insensitive.

OP's sibling has come out to her as a woman, which would make her a sister. Wearing a dress would be perfectly acceptable just as it would for any other woman.

...well, I WAS going to comment on all the positivity on this thread...

My brother is transgender. I am not making him wear a dress to my wedding, nor would I ever THINK to ask him to. He is not my sister, nor was he ever; he was always my brother. He had stopped talking to me for a while when I went off to college, but I was the first to know when he decided to transition and be who he was.

I'm glad you're being supportive, OP.

Really @Patty? Really?!

I don't have much advice, but I do understand how hard this can be although it can't compare to what your sister is going through. My closest cousin came out as being gay in her early teens and has since came out as being trans. She felt that those closest to her would not accept her and has gone down a very dark road. Her own mother had her beaten almost to death, I have not heard from her since. Her sister has updated me with little pieces of information as she receives it and I have heard that she had turned to prostitution to get off the streets. She is now HIV positive and in prison for a number of thefts and B&Es.

The guilt I feel every day for not trying harder for her is heavy on my heart. I thought I was doing my best, but if I had have been, would she have gone down this path? Who knows...

You sound like an amazing person who is confused. Take the wedding out of it for a moment and think about your sister. I'm sure you'll be elated for her to attend, no matter what she chooses to wear.

I guess as an open minded and all around accepting person, sometimes I find it hard to even wrap my head around other people NOT being considerate or understanding of someone's sexuality. I think transgender is probably the most difficult especially as a sibling, but I think if you even sit your sister down and see what she's comfortable with, at your wedding and in life in general, you two will be able to have the best and most open relationship possible. She will appreciate your support.