My brothers Transgender

Yes you are. If she is female, don't take that from her.

You have time, give yourself awhile before saying anything to get used to what he told you.

Making a decision or statement like that at this point is basically telling him you reject who he is. Don't do that to him. EVERYONE needs time to absorb this.

You have a year. It's very stressful coming out. I suspect your sibling isn't going to want to do that at such a high profile event.

If you're sibling hasn't worn a dress up till the day of your wedding then I imagine they are not going to.

Otherwise just ask your sibling what they want to wear closer to the date.

You wouldn't want to wear a suit to your wedding, neither should she.

Yes you're being selfish.

I would let your sibling decide what is best for the situation. No need for definitive statements yet. There should be time for adjustment.

I think that you should let him be who he is. He may get offended and not come at all and what's more important?

First, if SHE identifies as female you are misgenedering her by using male pronouns. I do think you are being selfish. I think you should allow her to wear what she feels comfortable wearing. ETA: If your sibling has not yet shared what pronouns they feel most comfortable with, I encourage you to use gender neutral pronouns. But if your sibling has made it clear that they prefer female pronouns, please stop using he/his.

It's selfish to ask that. You should allow her to wear what makes her comfortable.

1. Switch your pronouns.

2. Yes, you are being selfish. Let your sister wear whatever she wants to. That's part of being a good sibling, is being there for your sister.

I think you need to let her wear whatever is comfortable in. One of my best girl friends does not like wearing dresses so she asked me if she was allowed to wear a suit to my wedding and it broke my heart. The ones you love should never feel like they have to hide their true self from you. Don't make your sister feel that way. She is who she is and you need to love and accept that. This is so much more than your one wedding day.

Edit: I shouldn't have tried typing after drinking a sleep inducing drink.

I don't think anybody that is transgender would consider or even act like their sisters wedding is their "coming out party".... to be honest, I don't think anybody, no matter their orientation would care to have that sort of attention on them! If she is just now being able to come out to everyone and express how she truly wants to live, do you honestly think she wants an entire room to focus on that!!???? I dont think so... she is still your sibling, she still understands it's your wedding and loves you.. no sibling would want to take that away from someone. Let them be who they are and dress how they want!

If she identifies as female than you should let her wear what she feels comfortable in. Don't make it about you.

You're being extremely selfish. This is all new info to you and your sibling hasn't even told everyone in the family yet. Let things progress. Still ask them to be in your wedding and you let them dress in whatever clothing makes them feel comfortable, much like any other guest would.

Omg yes you are being selfish! Please please do not ask your brother to wear a suit.

I understand where you are coming from to an extent. This is your day, and you do not want her coming out to overshadow it, that in and of itself is not selfish. HOWEVER please do not ask her to remain closeted for your sake.

I think you should sit down with her and let her know that if at the time of the wedding she would like to wear a dress, you would appreciate it if she were out to at least close family members.

But this is very tricky, you do not want her to feel pressured to come out before she is ready, but you also want to be supportive of her decisions.

You need to do some research about transgender issues. If your sibling has decided they want to use female pronouns, calling them "him" or saying "he" could be very hurtful. Talk to your sibling and be supportive of what they'd like to do. Let them decide what attire to wear, depending on their comfort level. I'd encourage you to think about how hard it will be for your sibling coming out and try to be as supportive as you can.

To be honest. If your family isn't a bunch of judgmental pricks then I don't think it will overshadow a wedding. People just need to accept the ones they love for who they are instead of making it some big deal. They are still the same person but they are becoming more comfortable with themselves.

Thank you everyone! I knew I needed your opinions and agree completely...That's very important & we need to talk about it, We haven't discussed whether or not he would like to be called she/her. I use the name " tippy" when we talk because that's what our nieces & nephews call her. I always think about it but didn't want to ask incase it made her feel uncomfortable & wasn't sure if she wanted me to since the whole family doesn't know yet...I figured she would just say listen can you call me she/her instead of he/him. She is very outspoken and loves the attention so I know if it was offending her she would say something. I think it's my time just to ask what she's feeling and wants. Thank you!

Agree with Meghan H. 100%. It sounds like it's all very fresh, and it can be hard for those close to the person to understand or wrap their head around the situation and that is completely understandable. On the other hand, your sister is going through a lot more and it's so important to be supportive. You still have a while until the wedding, so just give it time. At the end of the day male or female, your sibling is your sibling. Let her decide how she'll choose to dress. Also, I encourage you to ask her questions and try to understand better. I know it can be kind of awkward, but I promise she'll appreciate you trying to get answers and understand her situation better rather than simply ignoring that she is no longer a he.