mil made copies of our invites

What the heck!?!?! This exactly!!

Exactly! This is one of those times where you have to think about the impact of this woman on your life and future children.

Oh my god, I feel you so much on this. My FMIL is very similar. My FH had moved out long before we started dating but it's still my fault that he isn't living at home right now. She also likes to brag how they never went to Hebrew school because it was boring for him and hockey was more fun - but the reason we aren't having a Jewish ceremony is because I'm 'forcing' him to ignore his heritage. (Our ceremony is not religious at all)

Thank you so much for the update! I've been following every response in this thread to hear what happens - I wish you the best and hopefully it eventually calms down!

Many of our guests will split early because they have small children and need to drive home so numbers will change quickly after dinner, cake, and first few dances.

Wow, let's be friends! Haha sounds like we sadly have way too much in common. I'm the reason he retired from the army...3 months before he met me.

Oh wow! She is out of line for this. She will have to pay for those guest or explain to them herself why they can't come. Compare all your RSVPs with your finally guest list that you mailed out. And her not answering the questions is just being childish, she should be able to sit down and have an adult conversation with you guys and explain her actions. I hope this works out and your parents aren't stuck spending extra money. Good luck!

Wow I have no words other then I'm sorry. She's created such a cluster.... while it is on her it would be hard to turn away people you would invite but couldn't because of budget constraints.

Dedicated, I would still make certain venue is OK with this.

I'm relived to hear your FH and FFIL have some flippin sense! It's really nice of you to have the unintended guests welcome at the later festivities. Hopefully your FFIL makes some progress!

What an awful situation. I can't even believe she did this. I've heard about some horrible FMILs/MILs in my day, but yours takes the cake. I suggest printing out this thread and giving it to her to read. She thinks your controlling, toxic, and nasty? Maybe reading the responses here will clue her into who is really that way (i.e. not you).

What the $#%^ is wrong with some of these parents? I am so sorry you are dealing with this. My mom is driving me nuts about certain wedding aspects and has nothing positive to say about many of the decisions I've made on my own. My fiance and I are paying for most of this wedding ourselves, I'm sorry but my wedding, my ideas.. don't like it? Maybe consider helping financially. That might be harsh, but that's how I feel. I'm not trying to host a 3 ring circus or appease my mom as a grown woman. No you cannot invite the neighbor, no you cannot invite the friend of a friend...

As uncomfortable as it might be, you need to force a serious conversation. Good luck!

I agree with this 150%! I am so sorry you are dealing with this and that she did something so selfish and immature. She doesn't seem to realize that she's not just hurting you, your FH, and your parents but also these people whom she invited without permission. I feel awful for your FH because I can't imagine he even wants Her to come now. Best of luck with everything!!

I can't believe what I just read!

I am sorry, what your FMIL did was completely out of line, and extremely distasteful. She clearly has no respect for you and is trying to cause a rift between you and your FH. It's just so wrong, it leaves a funny feeling with me, and I'm not really in this situation. I've had major issues with my FMIL. HUGE. Can't even begin to describe what she has done to me. She doesn't seem interested at all in my and FH's upcoming fall wedding, next year. She is very detached from it, and I am worried about her potential behavior on my wedding day. Girl, your FMIL needs to be scared straight. Let her get sued, and honestly, I wouldn't want her at my wedding, if it was my FMIL but I will not tell you or your FH to not invite her. She just needs to be lightly threatened. If she does not correct this issue, then both of you have no choice but to omit her from the wedding, and you'll have the last laugh.

I am incredibly sorry of what you're going through, so close to your wedding day. Best wishes.

Any updates on this nightmarish situation?

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this.....

.... as much as it is painful to have to tell you parents NO, your FH needs to get on board, and be able to tell his mother that she is wrong! I've only had to deal with my FMIL **WANTING** to invite everyone under the sun, but my FH has had my back in wanting a small (only 75 guests) wedding, and he's explained why we can't invite more people due to venue size, it got out of control becuase *I* felt terrible telling her no, but once the guest list reached 100- I had him run interference because I felt awful.

That being said- this is crazy. 1, its not her wedding. 2, if she wants people to attend that are outside your list, she needs to foot the bill. Explain that SHE has to pick and choose.

"Lost my entire mind" perfectly describes how I feel haha

That is absolutely horrible! I'm so sorry. Being a designer myself I totally understand where the designer is coming from. I'd be pissed. However, I'd be just as pissed if not more if my Future MIL did that. The only thing I can recommend is anyone your RSVPs that you didn't invite, be upfront and honest and say I'm sorry you weren't invited, and were on a strict budget or something like that. If you don't want them there, no one can make you invite them. Be strong!