mil made copies of our invites

Omg what is wrong with her? I would be livid!

I would contact the ppl she invited that have RSVPed and apologize but tell them she invited them without your knowledge and the venue is already at capacity with the ppl you had on your own guest list. Make it known that she was aware and decided to invite them anyway. I’m not sure what to do about the person who designed the invites. Probably give them the mil contact info. You shouldn’t be held responsible for something she did. Or maybe just offer to pay for an additional amount like 20 or 30? That is a touch situation. You could always un-invite her if she doesn’t tell you who all she fave them to.

By allowing these people to come to the wedding your FH is condoning your FMILs actions and opening you up to potentially worse infractions in the future. IMO he should call each of her "guests" and tell them what she did and apologize that they're not invited. Then I would have him tell FMIL the action he took and that if she takes further action she will ok longer be welcomed at the wedding. I would be livid at my H if he was being as passive and accommodating as yours is being. This will only be the first of many things if you and him don't see boundaries.

Lots of good advice here about how to deal with the immediate problem: Explain to those who rsvp that MIL "invited" them and they aren't really invited; have security at the door with the real guest list; do not--NOT--give in to be "nice" or ask your parents to pay thousands of dollars to cover your MIL's boundary-stomp.

Long-term problem: Do you really want to marry someone who wants to give in to his mother's boundary violations to be "nice" to others at whatever cost to you and your parents? Whose mother seems to think that she gets to run your lives? Maybe a little marital counseling is in order before you actually marry this guy.

This is disgusting behavior from a grown woman. This is honestly one of the worst things I’ve ever read on here. Your FMIL is atrocious and should not get away with this. I’m so sorry she’s doing this to you!
Agree with PPs that your friend should definitely get serious about threatening to sue your FMIL for copyright infringement, or whatever she can be sued for. That may scare her straight.
Second, I don’t agree with anyone who says you should let you FMIL handle calling everyone she invited and telling them no, they cannot come. Mainly because she has told you she won’t do this, and also because I would feel like I had to dial the phone for her and monitor what she says on the call to make sure she’s actually doing it! You can tell someone that you called 100 people to uninvite them from a wedding because you fraudulently made replicas of the official invites, but she could lie about it. Since she’s clearly a psychopath. Your FH and you should, unfortunately, handle this and tell everyone the story of how your FMIL is actually insane.
Third, I know it may set her off even further, but I personally would talk to your FH about rescinding her invitation to the wedding altogether until she can prove to you that she’s sorry about what she’s done to try and ruin your wedding. She doesn’t deserve any part in your special day after what she’s done. Your FH may not agree, but he needs to step up, be an adult, and tell his mother that she is absolutely in the wrong in this situation. You need to be on the same page. And he shouldn’t even consider giving in and allowing these people who are RSVPing to come anyways. Your FMIL is going to keep walking all over you for the rest of your life if you give in to her at all on this.
While I am here, I would like to welcome you to the “my mother in law is a monster” club. There are plenty of us, trust me. You are not alone, and I am rooting for you to win this ridiculous battle. It seems like you’ve kept your cool pretty well through this debacle, and for that I salute you. My FMIL would be scared to attend my wedding if she did anything like this to me. I would destroy her 😊

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this!! What a totally insane situation!!!!

I definitely think that your FH needs to lay down the law ASAP! I would have your FH present his mom with two options: she can either pay the difference for every single additional guest she invited, or she can reach out to all of her additional guests and explain that she incorrectly invited them. But she went out of her way to create this entire crazy situation which is putting more work and stress on the two of you and needs to have some accountability for her actions!

If you really don't trust her to do either or these things, then I would continue to reach out when uninvited guests RSVP to let them know. I think PurdyAikey's language on page two was really good - apologize, stress budget and space limitations, and explain the miscommunication. It's all you can do!

I agree with all PPs. You need to have your FH confront FMIL and make her call every single one of those invited by her and have them cancelled. Any invite that you get that was from her, call them and explain, that while you are honored that they would want to attend your wedding, extenuating circumstances prevented you from inviting them and explain what FMIL did. I would then have security at the door for anyone not invited to turn them away unfortunately.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I know you tried talking to her, but your fiance needs to put his foot down. He needs to find out who she gave invites to, call them and explain what a complete crazy person his mother is. He needs to tell her she cannot attend the wedding if she doesn't stop her behavior, she sounds like she should be committed.

Tell her she isn’t invited.. plain and simple. Maybe you’ll get the answers you need if she’s put on the spot like that.. I wanna punch this lady and I don’t even know her!! Hoping things work out for you two!!

OMG!! This HAS to be a joke! I am so sorry that this happened to you!! Has your fiance been involved in speaking to his mother about this? I would just kindly tell the people that she invited that you apologize for the inconvenience/mishap, but.... you are having a small wedding! I hope this works out for you!

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She should sue the FMIL. That would be a good way to get back at her for this. I agree with other advice you got on telling people no and having people at the door. I've never heard of such irrational behavior, and I am so sorry you are going through this. I don't know if I could have a relationship with my MIL after something like this, but that may be something for you you, your FH, and a therapist to sit down and discuss.

Wow, this seems too crazy to be true, but unfortunately I believe that it is real.

Do NOT let these people come. You need to explain to these people when they RSVP what happened, absolutely throwing your MIL under the bus and blaming it all on her. Have security at your venue with your guest list and only let those people in.
You and your FS need to seriously limit contact with her. She is a completely toxic person and will no doubt try to come between you in the future. Especially if you/ your FS let this slide.

Have your friend send a certified letter stating she must stop or she will be pursuing legal action.

What in the h--- does your FH have to say about this?!

I'm so furious for you.

Who in the world does she think she is?

1. If you have a wedding website, put up a notice that unfortunately some one has sent out counterfeit invitations, and unless you RSVPed to you, you were not invited.

2. Maybe send out postcard to invited guests, indicating please bring, these are admission tickets.

3. Agree with Facebook notice, of counterfeit invitations.

4. Agree, give list of guests to venue.

5. Agree with Rachel, do not tell people reason they were not invited

Wow, I didn't think I'd get so many responses. Thank you all for the support! An update: FH and I had a long talk about why those people can't come and we have agreed that they will be "un-invited" to the ceremony and the dinner, but they would be welcome at the dance. FFIL is trying to talk some sense into FMIL and will let us know if he made any progress by this weekend. FH made it clear to him that we are more than happy to let people know exactly what happened if we need to. FH has been dealing with her being this way for years and she has never liked me. She's told him several times over the 2 years we've been together that I'm controlling, toxic, nasty, etc because I simply don't let her run him over. I'm standing my ground!

So she sent invitations with your return address thinking you would simply allow this? This is out of line, she crossed a boundary and I agree with others that she will continue to cross boundaries unless you assert yourself. If I were your parents, I’d be livid.

But, just to clarify based on previous comments, are any of FH’s family invited? You said he likes these people and they are his family, so obviously FH does not want to disappoint them.

If none of his family are invited, I would take a different approach than asking FH (who seems conflicted) to call people up and tell them what FMIL has done. Why? Because it sounds like she doesn’t like you (based on your comments about inviting exes). Additionally, it sounds like she’s trying to make your FH’s family dislike you as well. Imagine it from their perspective: “Hi first cousin who I grew up with, it’s FH here to tell you FMIL invited you behind our backs. You actually aren’t invited because my wife to be’s family is paying and they decided you didn’t make the list.” FMIL will look like some hero trying to ensure her family is represented and included. However, if some of his family is invited, I would find some way to explain to those guests what happened without completely throwing her under the bus. This is her family, chances are they’ll take her side even though she’s clearly in the wrong.

Have your friend sue her for real. I'm so sorry she did this, I hope you get things worked out.

I would give her the option to save face and pay for her guests, otherwise they will be uninvited, with a full explanation. She can either contact them in advance and explain what she did, or they can be turned away at the door. Let her know this is her one and ONLY choice.

Don't let her get away with this, it will set a precedent for your WHOLE LIVES. You think this is bad? Wait until you're having a kid.

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Glad to hear everyone is working on this. I just can't with FMIL.

That said, some solid advice from PP's about having a list and etc. And having your friend sue/ send a cease and desist. I also like someone else that said "send out postcard to invited guests, indicating please bring, these are admission tickets."

Lastly, while it sounds great to say you can come dance, but we can't host you for dinner, you should talk to your venue - are they okay with this or will they need to charge more for alcohol? Additionally, capacity isn't set by the venue, it's set by the fire marshal. If capacity is 200, you can't go over, or the venue can get fined and it's a fire hazard.

So sorry you are dealing with this!

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I have been following this like crazy because I am just like "wow! really?!?" I am glad you and your FH were able to talk this through and come up with a decision that is in the best interest of your wedding! I am still sorry you had to deal with this! Good luck I hop FFIL can get through to her!