mil made copies of our invites

View Quoted Comment

The Facebook idea is a good idea. The couple don't know who these people because they are rsvping to her mother.

View Quoted Comment

They don't know who the people are because the FMIL won't tell the couple. OP says she's received 16 RSVPs from FMIL's "guests" already. They're RSVPing to the OP.

Just when you think you've seen it all....

This is a problem in so many more ways than paying for extra people at a wedding. You are marrying into this. It won't end here. Your fiancee needs to handle this with his mother, pronto.

Then....call Dr. Phil.

I am so very sorry this is happening to you, but you have some very big (and serious) decisions to make right now.

Put your foot down she needs to understand that this is you and your partners special day and you invited the ppl you wanted to share it with. Ultimately this is about you all she had to understand that plus she isn’t paying.. I would send her a bill for all of the ppl she’s added.. I’m so confused on why someone would even think this is ok... I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.

Let the designer sue her and not let her come to the wedding. Actions have consequences and those are very logical consequences for what she did.

I would be livid if my mom or mil did this!! Sorry you have to deal with this!! Goodluck

Omg!! I was completely waiting for a JK! This is insane!! On that note... I would totally out FMIL!! Every RSVP that I got that wasnt from me, I would be calling them and explaining everything in detail down to her being EXTREMELY vindictive! (Cause let's face it, that's what this is!!) I am mortified for you, and so sorry you have to deal with this! Just curious though... has FH had anything to say in the matter? I just read your post to my FH and he said he would personally uninvite his own mother if she did this!

You have to stand your ground or your entire marriage is going to be like this. I would consider not allowing her to come as well. Shes extremely selfish, especially because your parents are paying.

Omg I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. I second all the other advice on here. I’m sending you all the positive vibes possible. You seem pretty calm so I say kudos to you! I hope everything works out as smoothly as possible. Again I’m so very sorry and wish there was something I could do for you.

View Quoted Comment I second this. That is horrible what she did. I would not have her tell the people she invited they can’t come cause she can spin the story to make you look bad. I would say (at least to the family members or such you could not invite) that you live them but there is not enough roo
in the venue for everyone you wanted to invite.

View Quoted Comment

Couldn't agree more. This woman is either vindictive or just plain crazy. Who does this?!?!?!

I cut my "FMIL" out of my life months ago and she is not invited to the wedding. She is a horrible, abusive human being. The only good thing that came out of it is that FH sees her for who she is and is cutting her out of our lives completely. Yes, it's that bad. A lot of older people are set in their ways, and it worries me about what you will have to deal with in the future if she's doing this now. I hope you guys can work it out, and I totally agree with the security/guest list ONLY idea. Good luck!

View Quoted Comment

100% Agree. She deserves it.

Oh my... Definitely have your friend send that letter ASAP. Maybe the threat of getting sued will scare her straight. I'd definitely have your FI confront her though. In person, where she can't dodge answers. If need be, go through a practice run with him where you pretend to be her so he can practice what he wants to say.

I agree with everyone else. While I'm sure your FH feels horrible because they're nice people, the fact is 1-FMIL is NOT paying and therefore doesn't get a say.

2-If she invited 200 MORE people and you have a 200 person limit, you could get in trouble with the venue.

3- She made unauthorized copies of the invitation and your friend could very well sue her. I'd have your friend send FMIL a letter so she will MAYBE realize what she did is wrong.

I'd approach these people, explain the situation, tell them it's nothing against them, but you had a set capacity that your budget and venue allows and you are now over that. Most of them, if they're sane people, will realize what your FMIL did is completely wrong and will be upset with her, not you.

Absolutely do NOT take this lying down. She is wrong on literally all accounts and should be responsible for her actions.

Absolutely have someone at the door who can possibly explain the situation too, because you don't want to have more people than the venue can allow for. I'll never, never understand parents who think their children's wedding is about their themselves. How incredibly rude. I'm upset for you.

This sounds like straight up sociopathic behavior and can not be indulged or tolerated. She is essentially stealing from you/FH and your parents. It is your FHs responsibility to take the reins on this one. He needs to tell her that every single person who RSVPs that isn’t on the invite list will be called and told what happened and that they are not invited. There will be someone at the door checking the list and anyone who shows up who wasn’t invited by you will be turned away, no exceptions. If you allow even one person to come that wasn’t invited by you, you can expect more behavior like this from her in the future.

I cant imagine that this is the very first experience you’ve had, or at least he’s had with her. However, you need to take steps now to make sure it’s the last.

I'd be worried about her stepping on your toes (to say the least) in the future- this could cause some serious harm to the relationship down the line. I agree that your friend should send her a cease and desist (even if she doesn't press charges, it'll scare the hell out of her) and your FH needs to tell her that she can't do this - not now and not in the future or there will be consequences- letting her do this (not that you're letting her, but you get what I mean) sets precedent. It sucks that your FH likes these people that she invited, it really does make it a tough call. I think it would probably be best to say no to them all on principle, but I can see how that would be tricky. I personally wouldn't be able to call each person for this awkward situation, so if your FMIL doesn't reach out to them, I agree with one PP about writing a letter to them explaining everything- but send the first draft to FMIL so she knows. I'm fuming for you- please let us know how this turns out if you don't mind- I really hope this gets resolved but I'd love to know how you handle it.

This is absolutely crazy! You FH really needs to step up on this one

Unfortunately, while this is not your fault, it is your responsibility to fix because she obviously can't be trusted. I could absolutely have your friend send her a certified letter and I would contact each guest that RSVPs that was not on your guest list. I would also have FH sit his mother down and talk with her about how unacceptable her actions are and set some MAJOR boundaries. Personally, I would probably uninvite his mother completely. She does not respect you, her son, or your relationship.

First, I would talk to FH. He needs to realize that letting these people come is pretty much condoning his mother's behavior and encouraging it to continue. I don't mean to speak about his mother like she is a child but she won't learn her lesson if there are no consequences. I know FH doesn't want to look like the bad guy but spending your parents' money and taking letting FMIL is not being the "good guy" either.

Unfortunately, you will have make the awkward phone calls, messages or letters but telling these people exactly what FMIL did will hopefully help them understand. When you reach out to your uninvited guests keep your reasoning for saying no out of it. If you say it's not in budget, someone may offer to pay. If you say it's a capacity issue,they may hear: "Aunt Susan can't come so why can't I have that spot?" I would keep it to a more simple, "I'm sorry but we can't." If anyone presses you for a why, I would try to calmly apologize again but reiterate that you already set your guest list and you simply cannot expand it.

I would tell mil that she needs to uninvite all the people that invited or she will be uninvited. Obviously you need to talk you your FH about making this threat. Also if your invitation person wants to sue someone it should be your mil as ypu had nothing to do with the invites being copied. I am so sorry you are going through all of this and are having to start your marriage on this note!