mil made copies of our invites

I am so sorry. I think you need to start contacting the guest that are not on your list and honestly explain the situation. "I am sorry their was a communication error, and FMIL invited guests without our knowledge and we are at budget an capacity. We are so sorry about the confusion. We really do not intend to hurt your feelings or leave anyone out, but FMIL took this decision out of hands. We are sorry." I think it was completely inappropriate of her! Have you talked to your your parents about this? Maybe you could have your parents talk to her about this? They might feel more like an authority than you and FH and maybe she will take them serious? For every person that RSVPs that is not on your list. I would make a spreadsheet with addresses, and maybe you can make a dis-invite, and try to make it funny or humorous to deal with this inappropriate situation. I know that there is no easy way to deal with this, but unfortunately you and FH are going to have to deal with this situation. I also think the day of at the reception you will need a door person.

I cannot believe someone would actually do this. Absolutely shocking wow. Everyone else has pretty much covered it: inform these rando RSVPs that FMIL made copies of the invite and sent them. And unfortunately your budget doesn't allow you to accommodate. Heck even say you're horrified by her actions. She is the crazy one after all!!!

also I don't blame the designer for wanting to sue. Maybe she'll think twice next time...

View Quoted Comment I agree with this post. She shouldn't have done this and she should not get away with it. I would be irate if this happened to me.

I agree with people saying you need to let these "guests" know as soon as they RSVP that they're not invited and blame FMIL . Also, check names at the door.

Honestly, you really need to put your foot down. This is waaaay over the top for a person to do. How entitled does she feel? I cannot imagine what else she will do in the future once you're married every time she doesn't get her way. This will set a precedent.

Everyone has great advice I would definitley tell her that whoever rsvps will get a phone call or RSVP back saying they are not able to come and let them know what she did. That is so not right. What does ur FH say about this. He needs to tell her to call everyone she invited and apologize for what she did.

View Quoted Comment Has your friend contacted her at all? In all honesty, it might not be a bad idea to have her send a certified letter saying she needs to stop and the copies are not valid and will not be honored. I’m assuming you paid her for this service, and that is just so wrong. It might be more effective if it comes from someone who was professionally involved and legally could sue her, instead of you and your FH. That’s not to say she needs to sue after sending this letter, but might be the wakeup call your FMIL needs?

Even if you FH wants these people to attend now and somehow your parents are ok with paying for the extra you still need to call these people and tell them they can’t come. This situation is a precedent setter. It will tell your FMIL how she can treat you and your FH from here on out. It will get worse if you decide to have children. Be firm and stand up to her

View Quoted Comment But you aren’t being the least bit “mean and nasty” just because you don’t want a bunch of random people at your wedding, especially because you don’t even have room or budget for all of them!! Your FMIL is the mean and nasty one, and I think everyone should know what she did. I mean, quite honestly, what she did is complete crazy, out of line, and actually kind of evil. I’m so so sorry you have to deal with this, but you and FH absolutely can’t let her get away with this because she will continue to manipulate and abuse you!! Honestly I think you need to cut her out of both of your lives unless she fixes what she did. She also need to gets professional counseling because she sounds like she has serious issues and is just going to drag everyone down with her until she get better (if she even can get better)!

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There's a hell of an idea, Camille. My friend would totally do this.

View Quoted Comment Seems like it’s worth a shot! If she’s not listening now, it’s not like it’s going to hurt anything. I am SO sorry you are going through this nonsense. Good luck!!!

OP I know it is so hard to even think about turning these people away but like most people have pointed out, you must! For your sanity, for your budget, for YOUR day. I am fuming for you, this is insane what she did!!! I agree with others that you need to contact those who already RSVPd and explain. Write out a little script if it is helpful- but FMIL absolutely deserves to be thrown under the bus here. I am so sorry you're dealing with this- and sorry that this woman is trying to take over

"Lisa, we are so sorry to have to make this call but we wanted you to know ahead of time- Jane printed copies of our wedding invitations without our permission and sent them out to a long list of people, we don't even know how many. We are shocked and unsure why she did what she did. We wish we could invite absolutely everyone and I am so sorry this happened, but we cannot accommodate the extra people she took it upon herself to invite. I am so sorry again and you can absolutely contact her if you want any further explanation."

View Quoted Comment Absolutely! And as a wedding gift, your friend can kick you back half for all the extra costs your FMIL created! I also had issues with parents and their "guest lists" but this takes the cake! I do see this problem continuing and getting worse in the future if she feels like this is in any way ok. This is utterly ridiculous!!!! Everybody involved (you, your friend, your parents) should just hit her with a lawsuit, no matter how frivolous, just to ruin her day for a while! Geez...



So sorry you are dealing with this crap right now. Hopefully you're still able to enjoy the fun parts of wedding planning and being a fiance. Good luck with the rest of your planning!

I agree with most of what PP said except to allow these extra guests to come if FMIL budges and agrees to pay. Absolutely NOT! Your FMIL has taken an incredibly rude and controlling step in your wedding, and if you compromise on this, it just sets the tone for your marriage.

1. If she refuses to tell you her list, you’ll just have to contact people who RSVP individually to let them know about the mistake.

2. Like PP said, hire a bouncer with a list.

3. Like PP said, have your friend/designer send a cease and desist letter to your FMIL. She needs to know that not only was this a huge violation of boundaries and completely inappropriate, it is also something that could get her sued.

Your future husband needs to step up and really get her under control. This is the most entitled, disrespectful thing I’ve ever read on here! I would be breathing fire furious if this happened to me. I’m so sorry this is going on.

Wow. That is insane. No solutions, sorry.

Draft a letter to send to every one of her "special" guests as they RSVP and show it to her, letting her know she's going to get tossed under the biggest bus around. Maybe that'll embarrass her enough to at least give you the list of people she invited. Hopefully she'd make the calls herself but it sounds like that will never happen. I'd also have a supply on hand at the reception to be handed to anyone who shows up that's not on your guest list.

Maybe even put up on Facebook and tag her. All of her friends will see it then.

View Quoted Comment Seriously thought they should be getting mad at MIL for inviting them without your permission not getting mad at you for telling them they can’t come. They weren’t invited and her telling them otherwise is despicable. And I’m a paralegal, your invitation designer can’t sue you for what your MIL did, but she really can sue your MIL for plagiarism and copyright infringement, you need to let your MIL that if your designer is serious about suing she could be served soon.

View Quoted Comment Yeah I agree your MIL doesn’t care the least bit about how you two feel, you shouldn’t care about how she will feel as a result. Throw her under the biggest bus there is and I would tell her she’s no longer invited to the wedding in fear that she meddle with something else. Hire a bouncer to make sure she doesn’t get inside and to force her out when she won’t leave.

I would def stop where you're at and concider going to counseling with her... She clearly has some type of issues and these issues can easily drive you and hubby appart or drive hubby apart from his parents.
I'm not saying that what she did was correct.. ( but like you said she belived she did nothing wrong .... So something up there isn't right )
She needs help figuring out why she's doing what she's doing. Once she gets help, maybe your relationship can improve... Which would benefit everyone

Horrible. A couple of choices. Move to another venue without telling mom. Expensive. If you choose to use a guest list at the door I suggest not confronting them right at the door. Ask them to step aside, down the hall, etc, where someone else can greet them and explain the situation to them without doing it in front of the 'real' guests. I assume these people will be embarrassed, angry, and in disbelief when they find out.