mil made copies of our invites

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I have to say, this is the most outrageous and disgusting thing I have heard of someone doing to their child regarding their wedding. I am so truly sorry that you have to deal with this. I would sit with her together with your fiancé and say something like this: "We submitted our guest list with a head count to the venue. Any people that you decided to deceive and invite as if it was us inviting them are over that amount. So, here's how it will be. Our venue is 200 max capacity and that has been filled by those whom we invited. We refuse to be held responsible for going over the contracted amount of guests and be held liable by the venue. There will be security with a guest list. Photo ID will be required to enter. You have 2 choices. You can contact everyone you "invited" and explain the situation, or they will be turned away and told the truth right there and then by security. I will make an announcement explaining what you did on social media and contact every guest WE invited. We will mail a letter of a certain color to all guests that were approved to confirm that they received a legitimate invitation. You will not know said color so you cannot sabotage us again. Anyone who you know will receive a different color so you can't find a way to do this again." Even if it is a bluff, it may work.

Even if she did pay for all of these people, the venue has a max capacity. I wouldn't tell her this, but as you get your RSVP's and you see you have some declines, you can choose to keep some of whom she invited, but she would absolutely be responsible for paying. I am so sorry and I wish I had better advice for you. If I was your parents she would be hearing from me and demanding she pay for these people. I'm not saying they should do that, it's just so upsetting and I don't even know you or your family! That woman has some big you know whats to do what she did.

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She has no remorse. Then let the artist sue her, put a list at the door, inform her that she is either not welcome or has one chance to not pull any crap or she's out. She is ridiculously self centered, shallow, and narcissistic. I would do this to my own mother if she pulled this stunt. People have no respect anymore.

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No this is great advice. I posted something similar right before I read yours. This is not something that is even remotely acceptable to do. This woman has a screw loose if she has no remorse and wants to shame the 'children' into apologizing for her actions. Boot that bag out. Done.

View Quoted Comment I really like the colored letter idea!!! I may just do this. The only issue is we're getting so close to the date and the mail is so unreliable. I still may do it.

Don't let them come. It's beyond rude and classless. Apologize, tell them your mother in law invited them without your permission and you've reached capacity. Done. Tell your MIL that she needs to stop. There's no pussy footing around this issue.

Hey there, wow this is insane. I am so sorry that you're dealing with this, fmil casually started a conversation one day about who she would be inviting to our wedding from her job, lol I almost laughed out loud it is so inconsiderate that people think they're entitled to doing this because they're parents of the bride or groom (just saying from other discussions) . My fh and I are paying for everything and luckily he stopped her right in her tracks. Honestly FH needs to put any feelings aside right now and talk to his mother, if she thinks she can run your wedding and actually gets away with it what will the rest of your life be with him? I mean she'll only feel more entitled to do whatever she wants and probably thinks well no one can stop me. I felt that way with fmil until I had a talk with the future hubby and told him how I felt. You shouldn't have to deal with this head on by yourself. If ll else fails fight fire with fire and tell your parents to put the stop on her since they're paying for it. You def need to have that respect aspect back on your court because fmil has you last on her consideration list, by chance did you and fmil have a good relationship prior to this?

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At least your FH stood up for you and for himself! It took my FH a looong time to finally stand up to FMIL, but luckily when he did, it was a permanent get out of our lives...which was even better.

To the OP: I hope things are getting better! Did FH set her straight?

So, let me start off by saying how much more composed and mature you are than me - because she would've gotten cursed out. This woman is despicable and this was a dirty, underhanded trick of a way to try and sabotage your wedding. I say let her be sued (encourage it even!), and contact those rogue RSVPers to let them know that they were invited by FMIL and it was an unauthorized invitation. She also wouldn't be invited to my wedding anymore, regardless of if she tried to fix it or not. Girl, I'd have LOST it.



I'd also seriously consider allowing her around my children. I read an article where someone's MIL - who was pushy and didn't like listening to her DIL - refused to believe her grandchild had a nut allergy. So, to "disprove" it, she gave the toddler oatmeal cookies made with almond flour. The child almost DIED. Your FMIL sounds like the type of psychopath to try and pull a stunt like that.


You'd better watch out because I have a feeling this is only the beginning.

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I've often wondered how many times she's plotted to hurt me. We don't have kids yet but she does hit my dog and I caught her doing it one time. FH is working with FFIL to handle it and he has told her multiple times that she's being terrible and has been terrible but she honestly doesn't care. She gets mad and ignores him for a couple days then gets right back on it. She said she wasn't coming to the wedding one day when she was throwing a fit then turned around and asked what song they would be dancing to for mother/son. I'm over it and really don't care if she's there or not as long as she doesn't speak to me or my parents. If she does, I may come unglued and say some things I've been holding in for the two years I've known her.

Words obviously mean nothing to her; give her consequences for rotten behavior. A time-out, withdrawing her invitation to the wedding--whatever she would dislike.

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She hits your DOG?? WTH is wrong with this woman? She needs some serious therapy and medication! I am so sorry you are having to deal with this, this kind of stuff would seriously make me reconsider my relationship just because I don’t know if I could deal with it for the rest of her life.

Have there been any developments over the weekend or with more uninvited RSVP’s?

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I have to agree with this because #1 I am a huge fan of dogs they have no reason to be hit especially for something they don't even understand. #2 FMIL will be this way forever it seems, will that be fair for you? Will you be able to deal with this, whats going to happen if and when you have kids? If FH still thinks that his mother will be in your lives after your wedding then you're not getting away from this after the wedding, it'll only get worse. If you don't get the upper hand on this, I am afraid that this won't be a battle you win and if you never speak up your future will be just the same at least as long as she's around. She'll probably aim to ruin your wedding day from the way it sounds like too, don't take this lightly as this is a huge wall that has to be broken down in order for you to live a happy life. You also don't have to let it get ugly from your side, if you always maintain your cool and try to "meet in the middle" then at least you're dealing with it as an adult. But there is a limit so as long as you tried thats it, you have to ignore all of the hissy fits she throws and put your foot down, you don't want her to try and humiliate you or hurt your feelings on your wedding day , imagine the show she'll put on there for all of your guests and family. You can do this, get a hold on it.

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No developments yet but we'll see her this weekend and FH is going to press her for more info on who all she invited. I'm sure there are several that we won't hear of until they show up.

Uhhh... that is outrageous!!! I would be so mad. I would tell her that your invitation designer is going to sue her! Call the people and apologize but they are unfortantly not invited.
On the other hand.. You will have people who are not going to make it that you invited, so it may even out in numbers.
If my mother in law invited my husband's ex gf I would univinte my mil to the wedding.
Hope everything works out, so sorry to hear this.

My mom had the exact same thing happen. Oh and my grandma changed the flower order 🙊 honestly you should call all your vendors and double check she hasn’t done anything crazy like that. Tell them that unless they hear from you specifically, noting is to change. Maybe even put a “password” on any changes!

Im sorry but FMIL is doing a bit much. This is NOT her wedding. I agree.."You need to have someone taking names at the door of your wedding, whether it be a coordinator, security, or even just a friend acting as a host. Give this person a guest list, and make sure they do not let anyone in who is not on YOUR guest list."
I had someone at my wedding do this because I had gotten word that people wanted to just drop in on my wedding. No ya dont buddy...they kindly got escorted away.

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So wait, are you still planning to host these people? Honestly, I wouldn't care who else show up. If they aren't on the guest list that I provide to security then they simply are not coming in.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this! Have someone at the door checking the names that you guys originally sent out invitations for.

View Quoted Comment This. I get that your FH doesn’t want to be rude to these people, but he isn’t the rude one. Your FMIL is. By allowing this and her behavior, you’re essentially approving her behavior and allowing her to run the show. That will only get worse if you don’t create strict boundaries that have tangible consequences, up to and including severing ties with her if necessary. If she hits your dog, what would stop her from hitting your kids or you?

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Exactly. If you let these people in she wins and will continue to impose on your life until she dies. If you host these people she will absolutely negatively impact your marriage and your future children.